In the cycle of our everyday lives, we are busy taking care of our
needs like shelter, food, safety, emotional support, health care, human
connection, and many other basics. Many years of our lives can be devoted to
meeting goals like graduating from college, getting married, buying a house,
rearing children, having a successful career, and staying healthy. This cycle
of everyday life, our daily routine, is the plane of existence that most people
are familiar with. It is the outermost circle enclosing the inner circles in
the continuity of existence. People who are not awake to anything beyond such
day-to-day existence can let life happen to them as if they are in a trance. To
be in the trance is to live life in such a way that one is completely
identified with her or his social role and status. This kind of
over-identification can prevent people from living an authentic life and going
beyond the mundane. It can also lead to a life devoid of depth and meaning.
Life in a trance gets shaken up when an unexpected loss happens. For
example, a number of individuals who lost their high profile jobs in the recent
US economic recession became seriously depressed. Since they completely relied
on external circumstances like wealth, privilege, and class to define their
personal identity, the humiliation of losing this status made them feel
worthless.
Most people want to live a prosperous life, and the pathway to
successful life is often presented to them as a ladder to climb. In
fact, a pathway to success is not a ladder to climb, but a circular
journey toward the core of one’s true essence. We can embark on this
journey of self-discovery through deeper psychological and spiritual work,
which will enable us to experience the numinous in everyday life and transform
our challenges into the gold of consciousness. When we work on knowing
ourselves and bringing this consciousness to our day-to-day living, we are
transforming our lives. We no longer obsessed with our personal goals, and we
can develop a deeper understanding of the meaning of success.
One need not abandon the business of navigating the cycle of
everyday life in order to participate in the journey of self-discovery, but we
need to navigate with a quality of consciousness that not only helps fulfill
our responsibilities, but also get closer to our “True Essence.” There is
nothing wrong with making money and enjoying the fruits of our labors—as long
as we are not doing it for the purpose of covering up our inferior feelings or
falling into a trance of over-identification with status.
As stated earlier, on the journey of self-discovery, the
progression into the core of the circle, our True Essence, is a circular
motion, not a ladder. We go around and around the circle of existence, and we
can get stuck in one track if we don’t do the inner work of understanding
ourselves. It is like walking a labyrinth only a short ways and staying on the
periphery, not going to the middle to receive the spiritual and psychological
gifts on offer there. To move to the next track and journey toward the core of
the circle, we must make a commitment to knowing ourselves. Each moment of
growth and insight can help us journey closer. The more evolved we become, the
closer we get to the truth of who we really are.
To know ourselves, we need to encounter the unconscious. Having a
guide in this process is essential. We need support when attempting to
understand what we might encounter. There are parts of us of which we are not
completely conscious. We could think of them as layers of our personality that
impact our interaction with ourselves and the world. How these layers impact us
depends on our relationship with them. Progress toward our True Essence is
difficult if we don’t have a conscious relationship with different parts of
ourselves. Also, working with the unconscious is important, since within our
unconscious resides creative potential and the answers to many of our life’s
mysteries.
Writing is one of the simple yet valuable tools we can use for
self-discovery and to build relationships with different aspects of our
personality. I find it very helpful to write in my journal about the way I
handled certain life challenges without being hard on myself. Journaling helps
me learn more about myself and become more aware. Also, journaling can be a
place where we record our dreams. In working with our unconscious, we are
helped by paying attention to the images that manifest in our dreams. By
analyzing our dreams with the help of a trained person, we can learn about the
content of our unconscious.
On our journey toward our True Essence, we need to develop a
quality of attention that focuses on the present moment, despite all
distractions. One way we develop such presence is by paying attention to our
breathing. Awareness of breath is a simple practice that helps us to be in the
moment and develop a deeper relationship with ourselves. We can also bring our
awareness to the present moment by paying attention to our bodily sensations.
For example, sitting on my office chair, I can notice the comfortable
experience of having my back supported by the chair. Such a sensation of
comfort can only be noticed in the present moment.
Reflecting on our life experiences and discovering their meaning
not only gives our lives a sense of purpose but also enriches our life journey.
The journey of knowing oneself is a very personal experience for each traveler.
The goal is to have an ongoing connection to our True Essence. Everyone can
find her or his own unique approach to a meaningful existence. My initiation to
this journey happened at a young age with the realization that my sexuality
made me different. My attempt to understand the meaning and purpose of my
gayness pushed me out of the collective into a journey of self-reflection and
self-understanding. At the same time, this journey empowered me to stand up to
homophobia. For others, this change can happen when they turn losses and
tragedies into transcendent experiences and, as a result, become evolved human
beings.
Connection to our True Essence is not the end of the journey. It
can be a doorway to an even stronger, more conscious connection to something
greater than ourselves. It can be imagined as a drop of water merging with an
Ocean, wherein one can experience Oneness. Each traveler can experience her or
his unique merger with the Ocean of Oneness. There is no end to the journey of
knowing oneself for the sake of forging a union with a power greater than
oneself. The path is infinite, and it starts with a willingness to wake up,
depart from the periphery, and step inside.
For more
articles by Dr. Payam, please click on the following link: https://drpayam.com/articles_and_book
© Dr. Payam Ghassemlou MFT, Ph.D. is a counselor in private
practice in West Hollywood, California. www.DrPayam.com
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