tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-82573193694819495182024-02-21T06:44:51.264-08:00Depth Psychologywww.DrPayam.comPayam Ghassemlou SEP, MFT, Ph.D.http://www.blogger.com/profile/10828432930898392801noreply@blogger.comBlogger44125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8257319369481949518.post-60437109405414478252024-01-21T20:41:00.000-08:002024-01-22T11:55:30.485-08:00Somatic Focused Trauma Therapy: You Have a Right to Heal by Payam Ghassemlou MFT, SEP, Ph.D.<p><br /></p><p align="center" class="yiv1207970647msonormal" style="background: white; margin: 0in; text-align: center;"><span face=""Calibri",sans-serif" style="color: black; font-size: 14pt; mso-color-alt: windowtext;"><br /></span></p><p align="center" class="yiv1207970647msonormal" style="background: white; margin: 0in; text-align: center;"><span face=""Calibri",sans-serif" style="color: black; font-size: 14pt; mso-color-alt: windowtext;"><br /></span></p><p align="center" class="yiv1207970647msonormal" style="background: white; margin: 0in; text-align: center;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.DrPayam.com" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="640" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgBy5RDHOJVR8QnLLx7z75lZHuA7QZxQK_Eu56HrZoCSq5xyopk2vCSDAqOWEc_w5bi3En7lISejGQOlUPN5AsJHcwFgidXiIWLuMpl5_MusR8OJoE7PvTGR7Ar3eiC-we_DIiYB1dtxKF9PX_1hjEoyMgxeJdmTdruFMIQiAiCuPnfUYhlkDpkAMKr5Mj/w320-h240/Somatic%20Focused%20Trauma%20Healing.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><div style="background-color: #fff9ee; color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, "Palatino Linotype", Palatino, serif; font-size: 15.4px;"><span style="font-size: 18.6667px;"><br /></span></div><p style="background-color: #fff9ee; color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, "Palatino Linotype", Palatino, serif; font-size: 15.4px;"></p><p class="pw-post-body-paragraph mh mi gr mj b mk ml mm mn mo mp mq mr ms mt mu mv mw mx my mz na nb nc nd ne gk bj" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="1ec3" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #242424; font-family: source-serif-pro, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2.14em 0px -0.46em; text-align: justify; word-break: break-word;">For anyone who might be new to the body-inclusive psychotherapy method, below you will find a summary of a case that shows the effectiveness of this approach. This case also reveals how, as a licensed Marriage and Family therapist, my psychotherapy practice is inspired by my training in Somatic Experiencing® (SE), which was founded by Peter A. Levine, Ph.D. His curiosity about animals in the wild getting exposed to life-threating situations without getting PTSD while humans frequently succumb to this disorder was the start of SE’s development. SE is a body first approach that helps people discover where they are stuck in the fight, flight, or freeze responses, and how they can “resolve these fixated physiological states.”</p><p class="pw-post-body-paragraph mh mi gr mj b mk ml mm mn mo mp mq mr ms mt mu mv mw mx my mz na nb nc nd ne gk bj" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="5f43" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #242424; font-family: source-serif-pro, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2.14em 0px -0.46em; text-align: justify; word-break: break-word;">SE is a powerful trauma <a class="af np" href="http://drpayam1.blogspot.com/2019/07/the-royal-road-to-nervous-system_7.html" rel="noopener ugc nofollow" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; box-sizing: inherit; color: #993300; text-decoration-line: none;" target="_blank">healing</a> medium that includes working with sensations, movements, postures, and gestures as a way of deepening resilience and to reset the nervous system. According to Dr. Levine, the autonomic nervous system (ANS) can become dysregulated due to “the thwarted responses of fight, flight, or freeze” in the aftermath of trauma. A body-oriented approach like SE can help stop trauma become “a life sentence” through “gently releasing thwarted survival energy bound in the body.” To do this, Dr. Levine developed SIBAM as a method to accurately track a client’s inner experiences. In his writings, he described SIBAM as an acronym for “Sensation (Internal-Interoceptive), Image, Behavior (both voluntary and involuntary), Affect (feelings and emotions) and Meaning (including old/traumatic beliefs and new perceptions). These five elements are the channels of experience that occur during a session.”</p><p class="pw-post-body-paragraph mh mi gr mj b mk ml mm mn mo mp mq mr ms mt mu mv mw mx my mz na nb nc nd ne gk bj" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="72f9" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #242424; font-family: source-serif-pro, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2.14em 0px -0.46em; text-align: justify; word-break: break-word;">As you read this case, please note identifying information has been changed to protect confidentiality*. Xavier (pseudonym) is a 35-year-old cis <a class="af np" href="https://drpayam1.blogspot.com/2018/08/a-somatic-perspective-on-trauma-of_18.html" rel="noopener ugc nofollow" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; box-sizing: inherit; color: #993300; text-decoration-line: none;" target="_blank">gay man</a>, and a person of color who started to see me to deal with anxiety and work-related stress. He has a history of trauma due to homophobic mistreatment, racial injustice, growing up poor in an impoverished neighborhood, and dealing with alcoholic parents.</p><p class="pw-post-body-paragraph mh mi gr mj b mk ml mm mn mo mp mq mr ms mt mu mv mw mx my mz na nb nc nd ne gk bj" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="4696" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #242424; font-family: source-serif-pro, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2.14em 0px -0.46em; text-align: justify; word-break: break-word;">After obtaining Xavier’s consent to offer body-inclusive psychotherapy and establishing therapeutic alliance, I started to educate him about the working of the nervous system, and the benefits of a bottom-up approach in therapy. Educating clients about a bottom-up approach, and the basic working of the nervous system can help enhance and clarify the somatic focused therapy process. Clients can benefit from knowing that relying on the thinking brain (a top-down process) as the only path to deal with the root cause of trauma symptoms is not enough to resolve trauma related symptoms. The parts of the brain that are responsible for reflexes, memories, and automatic survival responses are in its deeper regions, and trauma informed therapy needs to involve focusing on those areas.</p><p class="pw-post-body-paragraph mh mi gr mj b mk ml mm mn mo mp mq mr ms mt mu mv mw mx my mz na nb nc nd ne gk bj" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="f728" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #242424; font-family: source-serif-pro, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2.14em 0px -0.46em; text-align: justify; word-break: break-word;">I also encouraged Xavier to read <em class="nq" style="box-sizing: inherit;">Waking the Tiger </em>by Dr. Levine, which was a helpful adjunct to his therapy process. It gave him a better understanding of the SE informed therapy process. In general, inviting clients to read books and articles on somatic focused therapy process can demystify the process and help with establishing trust.</p><p class="pw-post-body-paragraph mh mi gr mj b mk ml mm mn mo mp mq mr ms mt mu mv mw mx my mz na nb nc nd ne gk bj" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="8088" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #242424; font-family: source-serif-pro, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2.14em 0px -0.46em; text-align: justify; word-break: break-word;">My training in SE helped me notice Xavier’s nervous system is stuck on “low,” or hypo-arousal, and when faced with stress, he defaults to shutting down. For example, since he has been promoted to the lead designer at his industrial design job, he often feels overwhelmed dealing with “difficult” colleagues. SE stabilizing techniques have helped Xavier avoid staying stuck in a shutting down mode. One time during the practice of orienting to the environment, he noticed his dog sleeping in the corner of his home office. His dog is a helpful resource and brings him joy. I invited Xavier to track pleasant sensations in relation to noticing his beloved dog. He reported sensing openness in his chest, relaxation in his jaw, and clearer vision. This practice of orienting to the environment by pausing and noticing his surroundings through one or more senses became part of his somatic tool kit. This practice is one of the stabilizing techniques that I often use to support my clients’ <a class="af np" href="https://drpayam1.blogspot.com/2019/07/the-royal-road-to-nervous-system_7.html" rel="noopener ugc nofollow" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; box-sizing: inherit; color: #993300; text-decoration-line: none;" target="_blank">nervous system regulation</a>.</p><p class="pw-post-body-paragraph mh mi gr mj b mk ml mm mn mo mp mq mr ms mt mu mv mw mx my mz na nb nc nd ne gk bj" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="6cf8" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #242424; font-family: source-serif-pro, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2.14em 0px -0.46em; text-align: justify; word-break: break-word;">To explain it in more detail, orienting to the environment includes the exploratory act of pausing and gently taking in what’s around you. You can let your eyes go wherever they want to go while moving your head gently. You can let your eyes rest on an object for a few seconds, and, when you feel ready, continue with the exploratory practice until you are ready to stop. I often found it helpful to invite clients to notice what they sense as pleasant in their environments and stay with that experience as long as it feels right for them. Xavier, and many other <a class="af np" href="https://somaticaliveness.blogspot.com/2020/07/for-many-lgbtq-lesbian-gay-bisexual_20.html" rel="noopener ugc nofollow" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; box-sizing: inherit; color: #993300; text-decoration-line: none;" target="_blank">queer trauma</a> survivors, can benefit from introducing their nervous system to uplifting experiences which is contradictory to the experience of the trauma they had to endure. This can help stop letting one’s trauma become a life sentence.</p><p class="pw-post-body-paragraph mh mi gr mj b mk ml mm mn mo mp mq mr ms mt mu mv mw mx my mz na nb nc nd ne gk bj" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="174e" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #242424; font-family: source-serif-pro, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2.14em 0px -0.46em; text-align: justify; word-break: break-word;">Regarding his work stress, in particular the responsibility of being the lead designer, Xavier has found the concept of under-coupling very useful. By learning about coupling dynamics, in particular under-coupling, Xavier noticed he often underestimates the sense of accomplishment and pride that goes with his advancement of becoming the lead designer. The promotion increased his income, helped him learn more design skills, and freed him from doing many “boring” work related tasks. Up to this point, he did not make a positive association with it. He mainly focused on the burden of having to oversee more employees. When I invite him to identify what feels good about his promotion, he often reports feeling more relaxed and happier after describing it.</p><p class="pw-post-body-paragraph mh mi gr mj b mk ml mm mn mo mp mq mr ms mt mu mv mw mx my mz na nb nc nd ne gk bj" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="797d" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #242424; font-family: source-serif-pro, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2.14em 0px -0.46em; text-align: justify; word-break: break-word;">As I stated earlier, Xavier has a history of <a class="af np" href="https://drpayam1.blogspot.com/2011/01/lgbt-suicide-and-trauma-of-growing-up.html" rel="noopener ugc nofollow" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; box-sizing: inherit; color: #993300; text-decoration-line: none;" target="_blank">trauma</a>. To avoid the risk of re-traumatizing Xavier by encouraging him to share in detail about his past traumatic events, I used the titration method. Titration is done very gradually to ensure that the trauma narrative does not retraumatize a client. Processing small bits of his painful story at the time and gently revisiting remembered sensations in his body helped Xavier avoid getting overwhelmed or re-traumatized. By holding a safe space and using the titration method, he has been able to uncover bodily sensations associated with his past traumatic experiences. By letting the sensations move through his body, he has been able to release stored trauma energy through crying, shakes, and trembling. This particular release of tension, stress, and trauma can happen during somatic focused therapy. Such an experience helped Xavier have a deeper awareness of his body-mind connection and improved his ability to release and regulate his emotions. Since our work together, he feels less bothered by his past negative circumstances.</p><p class="pw-post-body-paragraph mh mi gr mj b mk ml mm mn mo mp mq mr ms mt mu mv mw mx my mz na nb nc nd ne gk bj" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="0845" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #242424; font-family: source-serif-pro, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2.14em 0px -0.46em; text-align: justify; word-break: break-word;">Attending some of Dr. Levine’s seminars in Los Angeles, and online, I have learned, “Trauma originates in the nervous system, not the event.” For many queer trauma survivors like Xavier whose thinking brain gets hijacked by trauma memories and their bodies default to a freeze response, a body-centered approach or bottom-up processing is necessary to work with their arousal systems. Previous homophobic mistreatment can cause many queer people like Xavier to feel unsafe even where there is no real threat. What many trauma survivors hold inside in the aftermath of trauma can cause them to overreact in a safe environment or not react correctly in a dangerous situation. A body inclusive therapy can help heal such neuroceptive (a term coined by Dr. Stephen Porges) conditioning and support the ANS to move out of a dysregulated state into a biological state of <a class="af np" href="http://drpayam1.blogspot.com/2019/07/the-royal-road-to-nervous-system_7.html" rel="noopener ugc nofollow" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; box-sizing: inherit; color: #993300; text-decoration-line: none;" target="_blank">safety and connection.</a></p><p class="pw-post-body-paragraph mh mi gr mj b mk ml mm mn mo mp mq mr ms mt mu mv mw mx my mz na nb nc nd ne gk bj" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="1aa9" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #242424; font-family: source-serif-pro, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2.14em 0px -0.46em; text-align: justify; word-break: break-word;">After Xavier accomplished his counseling goals, he stopped feeling anxious, his relationship to his job improved, and he was able to meet less frequently for therapy. He has benefited from occasional booster sessions to receive additional support to resolve his life and work-related challenges.</p><p class="pw-post-body-paragraph mh mi gr mj b mk ml mm mn mo mp mq mr ms mt mu mv mw mx my mz na nb nc nd ne gk bj" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="849a" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #242424; font-family: source-serif-pro, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2.14em 0px -0.46em; text-align: justify; word-break: break-word;">No matter what situation caused one’s trauma, everyone, including Xavier, has a right to heal from it. Life is meant to be an opportunity to grow, prosper, and experience love and joy. Not a constant re-living of one’s unhealed traumas. That is why somatic focused trauma therapy is so necessary to help not only <a class="af np" href="https://drpayam1.blogspot.com/2016/07/gays-in-search-of-meaning_94.html" rel="noopener ugc nofollow" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; box-sizing: inherit; color: #993300; text-decoration-line: none;" target="_blank">LGBTQ+</a> people like Xavier but also anyone who is suffering from trauma to reach their full potential.</p><p class="pw-post-body-paragraph mh mi gr mj b mk ml mm mn mo mp mq mr ms mt mu mv mw mx my mz na nb nc nd ne gk bj" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="e4e1" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #242424; font-family: source-serif-pro, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2.14em 0px -0.46em; text-align: justify; word-break: break-word;">*Names and other details have been changed in respect for privacy and confidentiality.</p><p class="pw-post-body-paragraph mh mi gr mj b mk ml mm mn mo mp mq mr ms mt mu mv mw mx my mz na nb nc nd ne gk bj" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="fd28" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #242424; font-family: source-serif-pro, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2.14em 0px -0.46em; text-align: justify; word-break: break-word;">© <a class="af np" href="http://www.drpayam.com/" rel="noopener ugc nofollow" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; box-sizing: inherit; color: #993300; text-decoration-line: none;" target="_blank">Payam Ghassemlou</a> SEP, MFT, Ph.D., is a psychotherapist (marriage and family therapist) in private practice in West Hollywood, California. <a href="http://www.DrPayam.com">www.DrPayam.com</a></p></div><span face=""Calibri",sans-serif" style="color: black; font-size: 14pt; mso-color-alt: windowtext;"></span><p></p>Payam Ghassemlou SEP, MFT, Ph.D.http://www.blogger.com/profile/10828432930898392801noreply@blogger.com0West Hollywood, CA, USA34.0900091 -118.3617443-40.059968922045869 101.0132557 90 22.263255700000002tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8257319369481949518.post-1880212265960082532023-03-26T18:32:00.000-07:002023-03-26T18:32:02.684-07:00Earth, Love, Breath<p style="text-align: center;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.DrPayam.com" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="640" data-original-width="498" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVezWUVWLT-TgvK4woBjUSnWZYwyAUsgwi5PYgjxZEZM8kP8sZvBqQaX5-kT_5fL4nN3jip6Tb82SzxR1NCLy_JvrnnZ4F6yBxsTdH0ujE2-u1F9dIAkC-FUZt212X9w0lYxRMnDizi5VqL2M1Jg8zX2NLl8q8OwvqDfMhj7qDskoZosZSBUoHhUK85g/s320/Earth,%20Love,%20Breath%201%20(2).jpg" width="249" /></a></div><br /> <p></p><p><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Breathing with the awareness that we are connected to all
living beings including the Earth is a fundamental practice in many spiritual
traditions. For me, such awareness is an opportunity to connect with the soul
of the world (Anima Mundi) on a deeper level. In one of the spiritual practices
that I follow, I bring awareness to the space between the in-breath and the out-breath.
Noticing and infusing this space with feelings of love and gratitude for life is
how I can magnetize my inhalation and exhalation with an appreciation for the
sacred nature of life. This practice can also impact the state of my autonomic
nervous system (ANS). It provides a shift toward my parasympathetic system and
invites a sense of serenity to my body and mind. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">The ANS is the part of the nervous system that governs the
fight, flight, or freeze instinct and is responsible for many unconscious
bodily functions such as breathing, digesting food, and regulating the heart
rate. It also plays an important role in supplying information from our organs
to our brain. In addition, the ANS plays an enormous role in helping us
experience safety. Once regulated, our ANS can help our body settle and make it
easier to bring awareness to our breathing for meditative and healing purposes.
There is magic in the breath that flows from a person with a regulated nervous
system. When infused with love, it can offer the healing atmosphere needed to
relate to the planet from a caring place. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Everyone has a nervous system. Embracing the oneness of
our </span><a href="https://somaticaliveness.blogspot.com/2019/07/becoming-our-own-protective-container.html"><span style="color: windowtext; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">humanity</span></a><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"> can include awareness of our </span><a href="https://somaticaliveness.blogspot.com/2019/07/becoming-our-own-protective-container.html"><span style="color: windowtext; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">collective</span></a><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"> nervous system, and the need to regulate it. There are
many breathing practices that can help regulate the ANS. Breathing from a
regulated ANS can add harmony to the collective nervous system. It can also
create the inner peace needed to breathe with the intention of loving the
Earth. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">When I breathe in the context of loving and connecting to my body
and the Earth, I can create a relational field between my body and the planet. In
this relational field, I can love the Earth. As Thich Nhat Hanh reminded
us, we need to fall in love with the Earth. This love affair can happen through
contextual breathing that involves mixing breath with love and offering it to
the planet. During this practice the body can become a sacred vessel in the
service of creation, a home to mystical experiences, and a container for love.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">The Earth is a living being with a soul and in need of love.
Our survival on the planet depends on how we treat the Earth and all its
inhabitants. Those of us who hear the cry of the Earth cannot ignore the pain
that has been inflicted on her by greed driven consumerism. As the
ecosystem is being destroyed by greed and economic expansion, everyone has a
responsibility to respond to the lament of the Earth. As the oceans get more
polluted and the rainforests more devastated, we need to ask ourselves, “What
are we doing for the Earth?” <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">One way to help the planet is by loving it and relating to it
as a living being with a soul. As I described earlier, this relationship can
happen through our body, in particular the awareness of our breath. Not
everyone finds meditative breathing helpful, and such practice should never be
imposed on anyone. Those who can engage in slow and mindful breathing with the
intention of caring for the world and inviting calmness to their nervous system
can expand their meditative process beyond solely focusing on personal growth. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">To turn the body into a container of love and a vessel in
service to the Earth, one needs to claim the body first. Just like a garden
that needs preparation and elimination of weeds before planting, the body needs
preparation for deepening one’s relationship to life. This work needs to
involve healing from one’s unresolved traumas. According to Peter Levine who
developed the Somatic Experiencing® approach to healing trauma, “trauma is a
fact of life,” and it can become embodied during a person's life. Since our ANS
is shaped by our life experiences, having a history of unresolved trauma, or
dealing with a current overwhelming situation can negatively influence our
ANS’s ability to help us feel safe and cause it to dysregulate. Therefore,
much of the healing from trauma needs to happen through the body. In
particular, the nervous system needs to be regulated. For some, a traumatized
body is less available for the type of breath work that has the potential to facilitate
a kindhearted connection to the Earth. The sense of bliss that one can
experience in relating to life from a place of gratitude is difficult to access
in a body frozen by trauma. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">After all these times that the Earth has been sustaining and
holding us so generously, the least any one of us can do is to breathe with remembrance
of the sacred nature of the Earth. Such breath carries a fragrance of love for
the Earth and invites a sense of aliveness to the body. Also, such breath is
needed to journey within and practice meditation with the soul of the planet in
our hearts. Keeping the planet in our hearts during meditation can trigger
healing energy that is needed to love the Earth back to health. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">© Payam
Ghassemlou SEP, MFT, Ph.D., is a psychotherapist (marriage and family
therapist) in private practice in West Hollywood, California. </span><a href="http://www.drpayam.com/"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">www.DrPayam.com</span></a><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>Payam Ghassemlou SEP, MFT, Ph.D.http://www.blogger.com/profile/10828432930898392801noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8257319369481949518.post-68101168386865988122022-08-27T23:11:00.002-07:002023-03-26T22:51:55.835-07:00Sleep Better (Part 1)<p><a href="https://youtu.be/acImAkEAC0s"> Click to watch this video on improving sleep</a></p><p><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 106%;"></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="BLOG_video_class" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/acImAkEAC0s" width="320" youtube-src-id="acImAkEAC0s"></iframe></div><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: center;">Sleep Better (Part 1)</div><div style="text-align: center;">by </div><div style="text-align: center;">Payam Ghassemlou Ph.D.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><o:p></o:p><p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 106%;">Having trouble sleeping is common. You are not alone. Let’s
stay hopeful and overcome this challenge. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 106%;">Your body is designed to welcome sleep. It needs sleep to rejuvenate
and get you ready to have a productive day when you wake up in the morning. You
can start by reminding yourself the simple fact that sleep is a natural part of
life, and you deserve a restful sleep. Normalizing this process can reduce the
anxiety you might have about sleep.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 106%;">When you are trying to sleep, by focusing on not being able
to sleep or reasons behind having trouble sleeping, you probably are not going to
fall sleep. When you focus on problems with sleeping, or any upsetting thoughts
, you won’t feel relaxed. Such thinking can activate your nervous system and
make it harder for you to go to sleep. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 106%;">Instead of worrying about sleep, let’s create a supportive bedtime
ritual. I am going to describe an example of such a ritual that you might find
helpful. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 106%;">As a start, when lying in bed, take a minute and remind
yourself of few things you feel grateful about the day you just had. It could
be something simple like you feel grateful for having a pleasant lunch with a
colleague or having fun playing with your pet. Just a simple reminder of good
things you experienced today along with feeling of gratitude is good enough. By
practicing gratitude, you are starting your sleep journey on a positive note. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 106%;">In general, embracing gratitude can help your body and mind shift
into a calming state. A daily gratitude practice is a simple way to invite
positive emotions into all aspects of your life including sleep.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">After practicing gratitude, take a minute or two and give
yourself a loving hug. Fold your arms around your body, positioning them in a
way that feels comfortable, and squeeze yourself with just enough pressure to
feel a pleasant sensation. All you need is just a moment of feeling good
because you deserve compassion.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 106%;">You can try this self-hugging practice anytime you wish
because loving yourself is a foundation for loving everything else.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 106%;">After the gratitude and self-hugging practices, remind
yourself you are making a conscious decision to sleep. Affirm the fact that
sleep is good for you. Perhaps a part of you might not want to sleep. By
telling yourself that you are making a choice to sleep, and you believe a good
night sleep is essential for your health, you might be able remove all doubts
about not sleeping. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 106%;">Again, your body is designed to welcome sleep when you need
it. Sleep is one of the gifts your body offers you toward good health. So, normalize
the sleep process as much as you can. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 106%;">When you are in bed, instead of focusing on negative self-talk
or anything else that might be on your mind, try to connect to your body in a positive
way. For example, focus on the support of the mattress that your body is
receiving. Our bodies love to feel supported. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 106%;">By taking a deep breath and bringing your awareness to
comfort and the sense of support your body is receiving from the mattress that you
are lying on, you can help your nervous system shift to a calmer state. Often
the anxiety about not being able to sleep can activate your nervous system and keep
you awake. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 106%;">Your body and mind can work in complete harmony and support
your sleep. Focusing on safety, and comfort that you experience in your body,
can relax your mind. Give yourself permission to smile when you feel relaxed.
The act of a gentle smile can also help you to feel safe and relax before
falling sleep. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 106%;">After practicing this bedtime ritual, just relax and
surrender to the wisdom of your body. Again, your body knows how to go to sleep
and your mind supports that process. No need to overthink it. Just let yourself
drift into a peaceful sleep.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 106%;">What I just described is one approach to a better sleep. I
hope you find it helpful. There are so much more to be said about this topic
which I plan to present in upcoming talks. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 106%;">On a side note, always talk to your physician for any
health-related concerns including trouble sleeping. In some cases, there may be
underlying medical issues that might contribute to having challenges with sleep,
and it is very important to treat those issues. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 106%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 106%;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">© Dr. Payam Ghassemlou MFT,
Ph.D. is a mental health counselor in private practice in West Hollywood,
California. <a href="http://www.drpayam.com/">www.DrPayam.com</a><span class="MsoHyperlink"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 106%;">Sleep Better (Part 2)<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 106%;">By</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 106%;">Payam Ghassemlou Ph.D.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 106%;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 106%;"><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YCYqgt7f1xk">Click here to watch / listen to Sleep Better (Part Two)</a></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YCYqgt7f1xk" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="720" data-original-width="1280" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhl3kKz8X2f5mcEa02RravygoWDxP6ljiBfuRICDyQJDXk-Y67S0P8U4evcQJ4ZO775aDqAKnBgyl8vhBxai3t-O3tjCCSJPPykWXIQzdAA7kGayIIP6VgsEjntAOMoJZoziIGSI0L0vf7YNJjt6EaM6yfo7D1oinB4pitbXFHhBV2pYhoklnPnf8bB4g/s320/Moon%20Sleep%202%20Youtube.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 106%;">Hello and welcome,<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 106%;">I hope you find my second talk on creating
a ritual to sleep better helpful.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 106%;">In the first segment, I mentioned your body is designed to
welcome sleep. Please don’t over think it. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 106%;">You can remind yourself the simple fact that sleep is a
natural part of life, and you deserve to rest. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 106%;">Normalizing this process can reduce the anxiety you might
have about sleep.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 106%;">I also encouraged you to create a supportive bedtime ritual. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 106%;">Your bedtime ritual can include taking a minute and reminding
yourself of a few things you feel grateful about the day you just had. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 106%;">By practicing gratitude, you are starting your sleep journey
on a positive note. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 106%;">In general, embracing gratitude can help your body and mind shift
into a calming state.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 106%;">Your bedtime ritual can also include giving yourself a hug and
really love and appreciate yourself. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 106%;">This practice of loving yourself can help reinforce your
attempt to help your body and mind shift into a relaxed state.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 106%;">Finally, in the previous talk, I mentioned when you are in
bed, instead of focusing on negative self-talk or anything else that might be
on your mind, try to connect to your body in a positive way. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 106%;">For example, by taking a deep breath and bringing your
awareness to comfort and the sense of support your body is receiving from the
mattress you can help your nervous system to relax. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 106%;">This awareness of a sense of comfort might help you fall asleep
faster. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 106%;">I am now going to briefly talk about few more ideas that you
can consider for your bedtime ritual.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 106%;">Before I do that, I like to encourage you to talk to your
doctor and make sure there aren’t any underlying medical issues that might
contribute to having challenges with sleep. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 106%;">I also encourage you to implement basic sleep hygiene. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 106%;">For example, avoid large meals, caffeine, and alcohol before bedtime,
make sure your bedroom is quiet and dark with the right temperature for your
comfort level, and avoid using electronic devices close to your bedtime.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Now, let me discuss a few more ideas that might help you sleep
better.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 106%;">When it is time for your bedtime, let yourself become aware
of feeling sleepy. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 106%;">Allow yourself to welcome that feeling. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 106%;">You probably had a busy day and naturally your body needs
rest. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 106%;">By noticing a feeling of being tired or sleepy, you are
listening to your body’s need for sleep.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 106%;">You might want to scan your body and identify specific areas
of tiredness. For example, you might notice heaviness of muscles around the
eyes. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 106%;">Your eyes have been active most of your waking hours and now
they are tired. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 106%;">Most probably, your whole body has been busy working during
your waking hours. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 106%;">Naturally, your body can feel tired at the end of the day. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 106%;">Focus on how good it feels to be in bed and resting. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 106%;">By letting yourself sleep you are nurturing your body and
mind. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 106%;">You don’t need to fight your way to go to sleep. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 106%;">You gently let your thinking brain step aside and let the
wisdom of your body lead you to a pleasant dream state. The key is to relax and
trust your body. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 106%;">In case you wake up in the middle of the night, do not scare
yourself by thinking you won’t go back to sleep. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 106%;">Don’t overthink it. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 106%;">Focus on how good it feels to be supported by the mattress or
the pillow and letting your tired body rest. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 106%;">Sleep is like a gentle river. It can drift you to a dream
state. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 106%;">It is a journey that can end with waking up and feeling refreshed.
<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 106%;">Finally, if you wake up few hours early and still need more
sleep, try to remain in your bed and rest. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 106%;">Give yourself permission to relax and you might fall sleep
again.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 106%;">No need to get frustrated about waking up earlier than you
wanted to.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 106%;">Instead, let yourself focus on the quietness of the early
morning. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 106%;">Allow yourself to trust and have confidence in the wisdom of
your body to help you go back to sleep. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 106%;">In general, you cannot think yourself into sleep, but you can
relax your body into falling asleep. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 106%;">The key to a better sleep is to help your body and mind feel
safe, relaxed, and deserving of sleep.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 106%;">Make sure you consciously give yourself permission to have a
good night’s sleep. It is important to affirm that. Your body listens to all
your thoughts, so make sure you affirm the permission for a peaceful sleep.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 106%;">I hope you find some or all these suggestions about creating
a comforting sleep ritual helpful. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 106%;">Please be patient and give yourself time to make progress in
this area. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 106%;"> </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Be Well!</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 106%;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 106%;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 106%;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 106%;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 106%;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 106%;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 106%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>Payam Ghassemlou SEP, MFT, Ph.D.http://www.blogger.com/profile/10828432930898392801noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8257319369481949518.post-49244451365295609612022-06-25T18:04:00.040-07:002022-06-25T18:29:35.759-07:00A Queer Perspective on Somatically Befriending Vulnerability<p><br /></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://drpayam1.blogspot.com/2022/06/a-queer-perspective-on-somatically.html" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;" target="_blank"><img border="0" data-original-height="639" data-original-width="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkeg07rtPmxTIhule1HVXrnjovLq0xQXqyRJ_HtvK461QBgahGwph20GYlQ_Y3Dsf34KJ6v90soRukHv9ne9NUIFwJ8kYQAbAmNpvz-qkcjzq7LOLzxK7L55M86tvVMFgC-zBLGpcx17p7O9H4y7mJKZyYNQ280ryCC4OaY4zUE0FS_V5wKCy-6DK6oQ/s16000/Vulnerability.jpg" /></a></div><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><br /></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="color: #0b5394; font-size: medium;">Since being vulnerable does not
always come easily to many of us, it is important to have empathy for anyone
who struggles with it. The internet is flooded with writings and talks on encouraging
people to show vulnerability. Having trouble expressing it often gets associated
with a lack of authenticity. Such judgmental interpretations can frequently trigger
shame in people who don’t feel safe enough to be vulnerable due to certain socio-demographic
factors. There is a misconception that expressing vulnerability is a matter of
courage or just making a mental decision. By helping others reclaim it, I have
realized the issue has little to do with bravery or honesty. </span><span style="color: #0b5394; font-size: medium;">It has more to do with the state
of one’s nervous system. By having a somatic perspective on understanding
vulnerability, we can open a new path toward befriending it.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><o:p></o:p></p>
<span style="color: #0b5394;"><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk106450463;"></span><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk105175488;"></span>
</span><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="color: #0b5394; font-size: medium;">There are many different paths toward
befriending vulnerability which includes using the body to build a greater
capacity to embrace it. Our response to many emotional experiences can be felt
in our bodies. For example, Lucas, a 30-year-old cis gender gay man, disclosed
having difficulty asking guys on dates. Doing so makes him feel very
vulnerable. Among other bodily reactions, he reported tightness in his chest
along with uncomfortable restricted breathing when faced with uncertainty to his
invitation. Lucas has a history of growing up with the stress of homophobic mistreatment.
He often felt unsafe at school due to the devastating experience of being
bullied or called derogatory names. Fight or flight was not an option when he
was feeling helpless and hopeless dealing with his traumatic school environment.
Instead, his body resorted to numbing and shutting down. This response became his
default whenever faced with overwhelming situations like entering a vulnerable
state. Lucas’ reactions to becoming vulnerable had nothing to do with a choice or
a lack of courage. It had more to do with his body’s threat alarm being frequently
on.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="color: #0b5394; font-size: medium;">In general, LGBTQ children are often
at risk for being bullied, and they need protection. Lucas and many other queer
youngsters growing up place their trust in individuals and institutions who
were supposed to protect them from harm. Failure to receive such a protection
at a critical developmental phase became a source of hurt and betrayal. <a href="https://drpayam1.blogspot.com/2018/08/a-somatic-perspective-on-trauma-of_18.html" target="_blank">The trauma of growing up gay</a> in a world that did not embrace LGBTQ identity with kindness
and acceptance led Lucas and many others to associate vulnerability with fear
and betrayal. Given his <a href="https://drpayam1.blogspot.com/2011/01/lgbt-suicide-and-trauma-of-growing-up.html" target="_blank">traumatic history</a>, Lucas needed help learning how to
feel safe in his body when becoming vulnerable. Regulation of his psychophysiological
arousal in response to vulnerability has been an important healing task for
Lucas, especially when it came to making connections with other single gay men.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="color: #0b5394; font-size: medium;">Taking a somatic approach toward working
with vulnerability involves understanding the role of the <span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">autonomic
nervous system (“ANS”). </span><span style="mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;">The ANS is the part of the nervous system
that governs the fight, flight, or freeze instinct and is
responsible for the unconscious bodily functions like breathing, digesting
food, and regulating the heart rate. It also plays a vital role of supplying
information from our organs to our brain. </span>This system works
automatically (autonomously), without a person’s conscious effort. <span style="mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;">The
ANS is central to our experience of safety, connection with others, and our
ability to bounce back from life’s overwhelming experiences. Relying on
neuroception, a term coined by Dr. </span>Stephen<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"> Porges, our ANS can differentiate
between safety, danger, and a life threat. Neuroception, as Deb Dana (author
of <i>The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy</i>) explains, is automatic, and it
does not go through the thinking part of our brain. Everything from sound to
smell to temperature in our environment, people’s tone of voice, and eye
contact can influence our neuroception. It is like “internal surveillance” that
looks for cues of safety and danger inside the body, in one’s environment, and in
relationship with people. It helps us take immediate action in the face of
danger or threat. The goal of neuroception is to keep us safe and alive. Based
on my training in</span> Somatic Experiencing®, Touch Skills Training for
Trauma Therapists,<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"> Polyvagal Theory, and other body inclusive approaches, I have
learned the autonomic nervous system is a relational system that has been
shaped by experience. We now know previous negative life experiences and
traumas can significantly affect how our neuroception accurately assesses
safety, danger, or a life threat. This can explain why many people including
Lucas with history of being judged, humiliated, and violated often avoid
entering a vulnerable state. Their faulty neuroception causes them to feel unsafe
in the absence of real danger.</span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="color: #0b5394; font-size: medium;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Since “how we move through the world
is guided by our ANS,” it is important to examine how growing up in a
homophobic and transphobic environment negatively affected the working of<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>the ANS. In my counseling work with gay,
lesbian, bisexual, queer identified, and transgender people who have experienced
homophobic or transphobic mistreatment, I have noticed their nervous systems are
often shaped toward self-protection versus making connections. Repeated past humiliation
and rejection by others have made it difficult for many of them to be</span>
open and willing to love and be loved.<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> Given the important role that ANS can play in
people’s ability to embrace vulnerable situations and form relationships, it is
important to learn how to regulate it. When working in a regulated way, the ANS
does not enact the response to the present moment situation based on one’s past
conditioning.</span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="color: #0b5394; font-size: medium;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Autonomic regulation has less to do
with talking about our past trauma events and more to do with </span>shifting our
autonomic state that can be stuck on FFF (fight/flight/freeze) toward safety
and relaxation. When Lucas was invited to share about his history, it was done
for the purpose of having greater empathy for his suffering and learning how
fear became associated with vulnerability. Lucas’ personal stories with
<a href="https://somaticaliveness.blogspot.com/2020/07/for-many-lgbtq-lesbian-gay-bisexual_20.html" target="_blank">homophobic mistreatment</a> was handled with care and in a titrated manner to avoid
re-traumatization. In general, encouraging people to get into their trauma
stories all at once can become overwhelming for them because the nervous system
cannot tell the difference between the original event and the telling of the
event. Healing does not always need to involve re-telling the story. As Peter
Levine, the founder of Somatic Experiencing International, stated, “Trauma
is not in the event, but in the nervous system.” Based on my personal and
clinical work, I also concur that trauma becomes embodied during a person's
life and can affect the working of the ANS. Much of the healing from this
trauma needs to happen through the body. In particular, the nervous system
needs to be regulated.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="color: #0b5394; font-size: medium;">The work of Stephen Porges’ Polyvagal
Theory has brough to light the role of the vagus nerve in how we experience
safety and connection. The vagus nerve which is divided into two pathways, the
dorsal vagus and the ventral vagus, is the main component of the
parasympathetic nervous system. The ventral vagal of parasympathetic system
plays a crucial role in our experience of safety in our bodies. Activation of the
ventral vagal force in the ANS includes but not limited to awareness and
tracking of pleasant bodily sensations. For example, when I invited Lucas to notice
his body being supported by the couch, he commented, “I can sense my body feels
relaxed and comfortable.” By bringing awareness to comfortable sensations in
his body, he began to breathe deeper and noticed a sense of expansion in his
chest area along with his shoulders becoming more relaxed. For Lucas, tracking bodily
sensations that were comfortable invited the flow of the ventral vagal of
safety and connection.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="color: #0b5394; font-size: medium;">Another useful somatic
intervention involved identifying and embodying helpful resources that contributed
to his healing journey. For example, attending LGBTQ Pride events and
volunteering at the Los Angeles LGBT+ Community Center felt empowering for
Lucas. By tracking his pleasant bodily sensations as he was sharing about these
helpful <span>resources</span>,
he was creating a physiological event in his body which contributed to <span style="text-decoration: none;">regulating
his nervous system</span>. As the therapy session progressed, he found it easier
to imagine and plan on asking a guy he met at his gym on a date without experiencing
tension in his body. Repeated awareness of pleasant sensations in his body increased
his ability to distinguish sensations of distress versus sensations of
well-being. The more he focused on what felt good on the inside the more his autonomic
dysregulation settled, and his window of tolerance expanded.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="color: #0b5394;">What makes each one of us feel
vulnerable is unique and personal. What feels vulnerable to Lucas can feel quite
different to another. Regardless of what activates it, the admission ticket to
a more meaningful life for Lucas involved embracing vulnerability. It was
important for him to liberate vulnerability from years of cumulative stress of
dealing with homophobic bullying, and other fearful situations that he had to
endure. By welcoming vulnerability and learning how to work with its
transformative power, he was able to enrich his life. A “body-inclusive”
therapeutic approach offered Lucas tools and practices to lower his activation
and regulate his nervous system in response to his life stresses. </span><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><o:p></o:p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://drpayam1.blogspot.com/2022/06/a-queer-perspective-on-somatically.html" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;" target="_blank"><img border="0" data-original-height="639" data-original-width="480" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgf3FXIqVUg0dhJbPHF74rz0k0eYUiDSQaOaPM3Wg5QCWc_Uj8_NQercrnww7si6LVVvac4u70zLCi6pT0wm9cGzzXHlGJxyqC5cjeOmKCj-daAMsyhPJbSuLHzSPq27gkaDzzq-fgl2VkLqjlLgkovbO5H0alWgN2jvi_G5L5qcjtThC7q9sRdsjfRw/w240-h320/Vulnerability.jpg" width="240" /></a></div><br /><p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">© Dr. Payam Ghassemlou MFT,
Ph.D. is a mental health counselor in private practice in West Hollywood,
California. <a href="http://www.drpayam.com/">www.DrPayam.com</a></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">*Names and other details have
been changed for privacy and confidentiality.<o:p></o:p></p>
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<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></p>Payam Ghassemlou SEP, MFT, Ph.D.http://www.blogger.com/profile/10828432930898392801noreply@blogger.com0West Hollywood, CA, USA34.0900091 -118.3617443-13.160761219826149 171.3257557 81.340779419826163 -48.0492443tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8257319369481949518.post-7264939222397673412022-05-15T18:09:00.012-07:002022-11-04T21:28:23.616-07:00Authoritarianism and the Harm to Psychotherapy by Payam Ghassemlou Ph.D.<p><span style="color: #783f04;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: #783f04;">My journey of becoming a psychotherapist with a passion for
serving the LGBT community started over three decades ago. In those days, AIDS
was devastating our community, and I wanted to make a difference. I started my counseling
internship at the Los Angeles Gay and Lesbian center with a focus on helping
people living with HIV/AIDS. As I look back on my journey of studying
psychology and becoming a psychotherapist, I am realizing an obvious point. I
learned how to practice psychotherapy in a democratic society. This is a
crucial point because the kind of society where mental health services being
offered makes a substantial difference. <o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: #783f04;">Given my experience with living or visiting other parts of
the world, especially in places ruled by authoritarian regimes, I have learned psychotherapy
can be a transformative process when practiced in a free society. It is difficult
to help individuals reach their true potential in a closed society where fear dictates
people’s lives. In places where freedom of speech is protected, it is much
easier to openly discuss all external events that can impact a client’s mental
health including relevant sociopolitical issues. For example, in my Los Angeles
based counseling practice, I have helped many people from all walks of life
including lesbians, gays, bisexuals, transgenders, and queer or questioning
people to become comfortable with their identity. Learning how to love
themselves despite their homophobic and transphobic upbringing has been
transformative. Practicing <a href="https://drpayam.com/home">psychotherapy</a> in a free society makes it possible to
validate my client’s pain regarding <a href="http://drpayam1.blogspot.com/2011/01/lgbt-suicide-and-trauma-of-growing-up.html">homophobia</a>, transphobia, sexism, racism, xenophobia,
Islamophobia, anti-Semitism, classism, ableism, and other degrading situations.
The safety to openly discuss and condemn such obstacles is necessary for many clients’
healings process. Those of us who are trained in <a href="http://drpayam1.blogspot.com/2018/08/a-somatic-perspective-on-trauma-of_18.html">somatic psychotherapy</a> and have
studied the impact of trauma on the <a href="https://somaticaliveness.blogspot.com/2020/07/for-many-lgbtq-lesbian-gay-bisexual_20.html">autonomic nervous system,</a> know how hateful
acts can dysregulate the<a href="http://drpayam1.blogspot.com/2019/07/the-royal-road-to-nervous-system_7.html"> nervous system</a>. In a free society, it is much easier
to help the body and mind to heal from the impact of trauma. <o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: #783f04;">Since the Trump Presidency and all the divisiveness and rampant
polarization that came with it, I have noticed a troubling shift in American politics.
For me, the notion that someday there would be a competition between democracy
and autocracy in the United States of America was unthinkable. Especially
as a foreign-born gay man who found America as a safe refuge. I cannot imagine
the possibility of living under an authoritarian regime again. I know how precious
democracy is because I have experienced how oppressive autocracy can be. Now,
my nightmare about autocracy over democracy is beginning to feel real. The
other day I found myself defending voting rights talking to another therapist
who believed voting is a privilege and not a right. Moreover, I have spoken with
many Fox News viewers who are willing to shift toward autocracy if such a regime
would ban abortion, uphold conservative values, and keep non-White immigrants out.
They do not realize what is it like living in autocratic countries like China, Russia,
and Iran where people are miserably oppressed. Autocratic leaders do not care
about issues like human rights,<a href="http://drpayam1.blogspot.com/2013/11/a-brief-reflection-on-climate-change.html"> climate change</a>, and the freedom of press. They
lock up or execute anybody who challenges the way they govern. I understand the
U.S. is considered a republic and not a democracy. However, no matter how I
define it, America, unlike an autocratic country, makes it possible for a
psychotherapist like me to provide a socially responsible way of practicing
<a href="https://payamghassemlouphd.blogspot.com/2020/03/dr-payams-garden-of-quotes.html">psychotherapy. <o:p></o:p></a></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: #783f04;"><a href="https://payamghassemlouphd.blogspot.com/2020/03/dr-payams-garden-of-quotes.html">Despite of all the positive </a>elements that make this country great,
many of us are noticing disturbing situations that are jeopardizing our
freedom. For example, some U.S. Supreme court judges were nominated by presidents
who did not win the popular vote. These conservative judges, who do not
represent the American majority, are making decisions that are negatively
impacting our lives. Also, the continued use gerrymandering coupled with the voting
restrictions in various states is paving the way toward totalitarianism. Many mental
health therapists are concerned about the future of psychotherapy and its
transformative potential as American democracy erodes. If the anti-democratic
trend continues, and our freedoms keep getting chipped away, it would be only
matter of time before they start policing our counseling profession. Some of us
already are being restricted and controlled by some health insurance companies for
greed and profit. Once a dictatorial system of government begins to dominate the
U.S., it will have major impact on how we conduct psychotherapy. For one thing,
I will not feel safe to freely explore how clients’ emotional pain might have
something to do with the environment they live in. Also, since the mental
health of the individual and sociopolitical factors are deeply intertwined, how
a country is being run can impact people’s well-being. The stress of living
under an authoritarian rule can lead to depression, anxiety, hopelessness, low
self-esteem, and suicidal thoughts. <o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: #783f04;">I hope I am wrong about U.S. democracy being
replaced by an autocracy which could negatively impact the delivery of therapeutic services. Before the events of January 6, 2021, when a racist
mob attacked the United States Capital, I would not have entertained the notion
that U.S democracy is at risk. Now, I do. The events that led up to January 6, and the role that many far right politicians played to shape such
assault on U.S. democracy has made many freedom lovers in this country alarmed.
Many Americans do not feel safe knowing a major portion of the population are
manipulated to believe a strong leader, who does not have to worry about oversight
from Congress and elections, is good for them. Many of them believe a strong Caucasian
leader can protect their European heritage, which is central to their identity,
from cultural diversity. Moreover, some believe a forceful leader can protect
their so-called Christian values. Some uneducated low information voters
believe a Putin-like leader is necessary to stop homosexuals from turning their
children gay and imprisoning doctors who provide abortion services. These
individuals, who are brainwashed by right-wing media to believe in such absurdity,
are part of our current problem with the rise of autocracy in the U.S.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: #783f04;">When it comes to offering psychotherapy services, theoretical
approaches are an integral part of the therapeutic process. Such theoretical approaches
can provide a framework and guidance for therapists to help their clients. I believe,
any psychological theories that teaches people to differentiate, and not remain
a sheep in the flock is a threat to fascism or any type of dictatorial
government. For example, a psychotherapist who utilizes feminist theory could
have a tough time working under a fascist type of establishment since such
theory focuses on gender inequality and discrimination among many other themes.
Moreover, therapists who specialize in helping young people embrace their sense
of curiosity, sexuality, and independence could become a threat to a system of
government that thrives on repressive family structures, fear of authority, and
sexual repression. Psychotherapy, as I know it, will change and therapists may
no longer be allowed to help clients in cultivating a free mind. We could lose our
freedom to choose our theoretical orientation when America becomes one of those
autocratic countries, and any books including psychology books that are not
ardent in its support of dictatorial government may be burnt.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: #783f04;">As a cis gender <a href="http://drpayam1.blogspot.com/2016/07/gays-in-search-of-meaning_94.html">gay man</a> of color, I understand we currently have
a lot of problems with racial injustice, sexism, homophobia, and transphobia in
America, especially, for African Americans who have suffered so much from
racial inequality. As of now, we are not a fascist state yet. I hope everyone
including mental health professionals who care about freedom of speech and the
right to free elections take the current push toward autocracy very seriously. Far-right
hate groups in America have gotten stronger. Once we completely lose our
precious American freedoms, everyone including<a href="https://drpayam.com/articles_and_book"> psychotherapists</a> may be required
to adjust to the authoritarian order and submit to it. I hope that day never
comes. There is still time to save American democracy. <o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://drpayam.com/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="540" data-original-width="640" height="338" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-yC3uAzx03XCN73dRUQqtH5uz3QINltPjt8frmVLl6K6curzRELOCoOaAdKnTngmw7Fbt1ft7WvfZgJkNb2j5bZmD2xaflAdnFg0JkeQkcMveXLOys71FPhBrqgH0ldAG-izMZX7LSL7Kw4R7iyA_ix2WOwkKmzFAHV8fn98ApB3MKx3oOkAQRO6VMw/w400-h338/Authoritarianism%20and%20the%20Harm%20to%20Psychotherapy.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span><p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">© <a href="https://drpayam.com/articles_and_book">Dr. Payam Ghassemlou</a> MFT, Ph.D. is a Licensed Marriage and
Family Therapist <a href="https://drpayam.com/home">(Psychotherapist</a>), in private practice in West Hollywood,
California. </span><a href="http://www.drpayam.com/"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">www.DrPayam.com</span></a> ,<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"> <a href="http://www.somaticaliveness.com/">www.SomaticAliveness.com</a></span></p>
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<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>Payam Ghassemlou SEP, MFT, Ph.D.http://www.blogger.com/profile/10828432930898392801noreply@blogger.com085GHJ2C3+F940.6211669 -108.996538410.82746196909287 -144.15278840000002 70.414871830907131 -73.8402884tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8257319369481949518.post-14304648375159549422020-12-09T18:37:00.007-08:002022-08-15T00:24:13.951-07:00A Somatic Perspective on the Trauma of Growing up Gay by Payam Ghassemlou MFT, Ph.D. <u><span style="color: #000120;"></span></u><br />
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13.33px; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://drpayam1.blogspot.com/2018/08/a-somatic-perspective-on-trauma-of_18.html"><img border="0" data-original-height="768" data-original-width="1024" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBh5FutjjGMRBOk9AfbU5hnOgm5zd_m9G_VU4WxSIjTZnpamqssUXHp95Z06IRE6JUsUahCJPvoc8Af0DLlkeP6RQJQMTvgoBxg94rmqmoAkd9GpBH7gnNlQscEmLTAsRbko2JSRkIQrQ8/s400/body+-+Thisone1.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=50zpteRtpdk&t=26s">Listen to this article</a></div><div><br /></div><br /><div style="margin: 0px 0px 13.33px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">For
almost three decades, I have immersed myself in the life stories of many people
of the LGBTQ community who had painful homophobic and transphobic upbringings. Many
of the gay men’s personal narratives that I have heard are not very different from
my own. Regardless of national origin, we are part of a tribe with similar stories
of growing up in a homophobic and heterosexist world where our gayness was
repeatedly assaulted. We are everywhere, and unfortunately so is homophobia. </span><a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="_Hlk519438823"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;"></span></a></div>
<span style="margin: 0px;"></span>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13.33px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">Many
gay men have shared with me that as long they could recall they always felt
different. They were unable to articulate why they felt that way, and, at the
same time, they did not feel safe to talk about it. Some knew this feeling of
being different was related to something forbidden. “It felt like keeping an
ugly secret that I could not even understand,” described one person. Other gay
men have disclosed to me that this feeling revealed itself in the form of
gender nonconformity, which could not be kept secret. Therefore, it made them
more vulnerable to homophobic mistreatment at school and often at home. Gay men
of color reported even worse experiences due to the additional stress of racism
and racial bullying. </span><a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="_Hlk520642306"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;"></span></a></div>
<span style="margin: 0px;"></span>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13.33px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">Many
school-age children organize their school experiences around the notion of not
coming across as different, in particular, queer. Any school-age child’s worst
nightmare is being labeled faggot, which was commonly experienced by many gay
individuals who did not flow with the mainstream. Educational institutions felt
like a scary place for many of them who were scapegoated as queer growing up.
Therefore, they had to cope with a daily assault of shame and humiliation
without any support. This is a form of child abuse on a collective level, and it
needs to stop.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13.33px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">So
much has been written about the devastating impact of homophobia on gay
people’s psychological functioning but not enough on the biological impact of
it. It is important to understand how repeated hateful acts toward gay
youngsters can impact the way their bodies and minds function, including the
functioning of their nervous system.</span><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;"> Unfortunately, <span style="color: black;">this also applies to
any child who is a target of hate and abuse.</span> </span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">As Peter Levine, the founder of
Somatic Experiencing, stated, </span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">“Trauma is not in the event, but in
the nervous system.” Based on my personal and clinical work, I also concur
that trauma becomes embodied during a person's life and can affect the working
of the autonomic nervous system (“ANS”). <span style="color: black;">Much of the healing
from this trauma needs to happen through the body. In particular, the nervous
system needs to be regulated. </span></span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13.33px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">The ANS is the part of the nervous
system that governs the </span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span color="windowtext" style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px; text-decoration: none;">fight, flight, or freeze instinct</span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;"> and <span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>is responsible for the unconscious
bodily functions like breathing, digesting food, and regulating the heart rate.
It also plays an important role of supplying information from our organs to our
brain. The ANS can become dysregulated due to the </span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">thwarted
responses of fight, flight, or </span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">freeze in the aftermath of trauma.</span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13.33px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">The ANS is central to our experience
of safety, connection with others, and our ability to bounce back from life’s
overwhelming experiences. This ability to recover defines resilience and
requires the help of our ANS to keep us in our “window of tolerance”, which has
been defined in the book <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Nurturing
Resilience</i> by trauma specialists Kathy Kain and Stephen Terrell “as the zone
where we effectively process environmental signals without becoming too
reactive or too withdrawn, given the circumstances.” The window of tolerance as
a frame work is very helpful to understand where we feel safe, unsafe, and how
to expand our optimal arousal zone. </span></span></div>
<span style="margin: 0px;"></span>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13.33px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">Stephen
Porges’, Bessel van der Kolk’s, and Peter Levine’s research and writings have
significantly reworked my understanding of how the nervous system responds to
threat and trauma. Drawing from their work and my decades of experience, it
is my understanding the ongoing stress from homophobia can activate a
youngster’s nervous system and “unresolved activation will be stored in the
body as bound energy and manifest as trauma symptoms.” In other words, under a daily
homophobic assault, a child’s sympathetic system (“stress response” or “fight
or flight” response) gets overly activated. Often during such stressful
situations, neither fighting nor fleeing can resolve the overwhelming situation,
and the thwarted or <span style="color: black;">incomplete</span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;"><span style="color: black;"> fight and flight responses</span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;"> </span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">can become “trapped” within the body and
dysregulate the nervous system. Such a dysregulated nervous system is more
likely to get stuck on “high” or hyper-arousal. Anxiety, panic attacks, rage,
hyperactivity, mania, hypervigilance, sleeplessness, exaggerated startle
response, digestive problems, and many other symptoms are the result of a dysregulated
nervous system that is stuck on “high” or hyper-arousal. </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13.33px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: black;">According</span><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;"><span style="color: black;"> to many studies, gay
individuals who experienced homophobic related stress showed increased
production of the stress hormone cortisol compared to peers in safer
environments.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: black;"> </span> </span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">This
experience of being stuck on “high” continuously activates a person’s stress
response system, which leads to the release of stress hormones. Research in
this area has shown overexposure to cortisol and other stress hormones leads to
numerous health problem including headaches, oversensitivity to touch or sound,
weight gain, heart disease, concentration impairment, and sleep disturbance. </span></span></div>
<span style="margin: 0px;"></span>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13.33px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">On the other hand, there are gay men whose nervous systems
are stuck on “low” or hypo-arousal, which can result from being terrorized
growing up with no hope of protection. Faced with isolation, confusion,
physical violence, not being valued, and carrying a secret that the youngster
connects with something terrible and unthinkable is too stressful for any child
to endure, especially when there is no empathic other to help him sort it out.
Such experience is often beyond the youngster’s “window of tolerance.” <span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>This is when the dorsal vagus can shut down
the entire system, and the mistreated youngster can go into freeze. In other
words, the youngster suffers in silence with numbness or dissociation as his
only available survival mechanism. </span><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;"></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13.33px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">Stephen Porges, the founder of Polyvagal Theory, has expanded
our view of the vagus nerve, one of the largest nerves in the body and a major
part of the Parasympathetic system. The word “vagus” means wandering in Latin. The
dorsal vagus is a branch of the vagus nerve which is a much older part of the
nervous system. Dorsal vagus regulates organs below the diaphragm. Dorsal vagus
is instrumental in activating the “shutdown” of the body as discussed in cases
of overwhelming fear which can result from homophobic mistreatment. This automatic
survival mechanism can become a long-standing pattern of how individuals might
cope with fear and stress in life. For example, people whose nervous system is stuck
on “low” or hypo-arousal when faced with life stresses can default to shutting
down, disassociation, chronic isolation, detachment, numbness, and suicidal
thoughts. </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13.33px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="color: black;">In</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;"><span style="color: black;"> my counseling work, I have noticed
when the nervous system gets stuck on freeze, when numbness and detachment
become a gay man’s dominant state, he is more likely to engage in risky
behaviors as a temporary relief from inner deadness.</span> </span></span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">Thrill seeking behaviors such as sexual acting out, excessive gambling,
and crystal meth (crystal methamphetamine) use are ways some gay men escape the
emotional flatness that results from experiencing the hypo-arousal state. The
same behaviors can also be used to cope with ongoing activation of the fight or
flight response. One person might turn to substance abuse to escape his inner
deadness and another person might use it to dampen his anxiety that often
results from being stuck in a state of </span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">hyper-arousal. </span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;"></span></span></div>
<span style="margin: 0px;"></span>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13.33px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">As Peter Levine stated, “Trauma is a fact of life. It does
not, however, have to be a life sentence.”<span style="margin: 0px;">
</span>For those of us who have had painful struggles with homophobia, life
after the closet needs to include dealing with memories of homophobic
mistreatment that can lie dormant in our body. Recovery from it needs to start
with resourcing and then progressing to completing the thwarted responses of
fight, flight, or freeze. Such healing can reset the nervous system and restore
inner balance. In <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Body Keeps the Score</i>,
Dr. Bessel van der Kolk writes about a body-centered approach to healing which
allows “the body to have experiences that deeply and viscerally contradict the
helplessness, rage, or collapse that result from trauma.” </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13.33px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">How far the LGBTQ community has come in our struggle for
equal rights reflects how brave we are as a community. Our bravery can continue
by facing traumas we experienced growing up in oppressive environments that did
not nurture our true essence. Not every LGBTQ person felt traumatized growing
up, but those who did can benefit from the vitality and the sense of liberation
that comes with </span><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">incorporating
somatic work as part of the healing process.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13.33px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">The Somatic Experiencing Trauma Institute <span style="color: black;">offers <span style="color: black;">trainings</span> <span style="color: black;">and </span><span style="color: black;">seminars</span> </span>on
the biology of traumatic stress reactions including tools on how to bring the body-mind-spirit
back into balance. Participating in their trainings has enhanced my ability to
help others who are interested to tap into the wisdom of their bodies for
healing and growth. <span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>There are many other
institutes that offer body-centered approaches toward healing which reflect the
increased popularity of such work. </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13.33px; text-align: justify;">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">For more
articles by <a href="https://drpayam.com/about_dr_payam">Dr. Payam</a>, please click on the following link: <a href="https://drpayam.com/articles_and_book">https://drpayam.com/articles_and_book<o:p></o:p></a></span></div>
</div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13.33px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">© Dr. Payam Ghassemlou MFT, Ph.D. is a Licensed Marriage and
Family Therapist (Psychotherapist), in private practice in West Hollywood,
California.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span><a href="http://www.drpayam.com/">www.DrPayam.com</a></span></div>
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<b></b><i></i><u></u><sub></sub><sup></sup><strike></strike><span style="font-family: "calibri";"></span>Payam Ghassemlou SEP, MFT, Ph.D.http://www.blogger.com/profile/10828432930898392801noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8257319369481949518.post-12793622806492064292020-04-26T16:49:00.001-07:002020-04-26T20:44:09.601-07:00A Somatic Approach on Working with Depression and Negative Self-Talk By Payam Ghassemlou MFT, Ph.D.<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="color: #20124d; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Depression is common and treatable. It
can strike anyone at any age. Consulting with your physician or a licensed
mental health provider is the best way to find out if you are suffering from
depression and the type of depression you might be having. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="color: #20124d; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">A person with depression can
experience a few or many of the following symptoms:<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="color: #20124d; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Feelings of sadness and emptiness<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="color: #20124d; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Feelings of anxiety <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="color: #20124d; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Experiencing restlessness or
irritability<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="color: #20124d; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Losing interest in all or most
activities<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="color: #20124d; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Problems with appetite that can lead
to weight gain or weight loss<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="color: #20124d; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Sleeping problems <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="color: #20124d; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Loss of interest in sex<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="color: #20124d; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Low energy that can include feeling
tired much of the time<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="color: #20124d; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Difficulty with concentration or
making decisions<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="color: #20124d; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Feeling negative towards oneself
including worthlessness or excessive guilt<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="color: #20124d; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Feeling hopeless or helplessness<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="color: #20124d; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Crying spells<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="color: #20124d; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Increased use of alcohol or drug use
in order to cope with a depressed mood<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="color: #20124d; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Thoughts of death/suicidal ideation<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="color: #20124d; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Many people might not have the
awareness that the underlying cause of the above-mentioned symptoms is depression;
therefore, they cannot get the treatment they need. It is difficult to treat
something that one has not identified yet. Over time, serious levels of
depression that are not addressed get worse and can lead to other
health-related issues. It can even lead to<a href="https://somaticaliveness.blogspot.com/2018/08/a-somatic-perspective-on-trauma-of_18.html"> suicide.</a><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="color: #20124d; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">There are different kinds of
depression; hence, one person’s needs will differ from those of someone else. Psychotherapy
is the most common treatment for depression. Psychotherapy can help on many
different levels including integration of the clients’ body experiences in
relation to their thoughts and emotions along with resolving or coping with
issues that may contribute to their depression. Most mental health providers agree
treatments for depression with suicidal ideation or other serious symptoms require
a combination of antidepressants and psychotherapy. Some patients who might not
show progress with standard treatments for depression might need additional
resources. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">In my <a href="https://drpayam.com/home">counseling</a> work with people who
suffer from depression, I often notice that they have an inner critic which
constantly makes them feel discouraged, inadequate and in many cases worthless.
When the inner critic is the dominant voice inside a person, depression is
likely to be present. Identifying the inner critic can be done by encouraging clients
to pay attention to their body and their nervous system </span>activation<span style="font-size: 12pt;">. For
example, when Jack noticed his </span><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">neck and
shoulders curved forward, his head looking down, and unpleasant tension in his
jaw, he was invited to become curious about this body language. The body
language is a voice that does not use words and always tells the truth. He
discovered an inner dialogue associated with this body posture, and it involved
the following thought, “</span><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">I am going to lose my job.” He
realized how often he tells himself that his job is at jeopardy. When he was
invited to examine all the reasons that he won’t lose his job, and all the
resources that can help him to find another job in case he was let go, he
noticed a shift in his body. He started sitting up straight with his shoulder
pushing out, his jaw loosened, and he reported feeling more confident. He was encouraged
to embody this new level of confidence by noticing all the positive shifts in
his body including his deeper <a href="https://somaticaliveness.blogspot.com/2020/01/breath-love-different-kind-of_1.html">breath</a> and feeling more relaxed in his shoulders.
By tracking his pleasant bodily sensations that he was experiencing as result
of identifying helpful <a href="https://somaticaliveness.blogspot.com/2020/04/resource-is-power-in-dealing-with-covid.html">resources</a>, he was creating a physiological event in his
body which led to <a href="https://somaticaliveness.blogspot.com/2019/07/the-royal-road-to-nervous-system_7.html">regulating his nervous system</a>. This can be a powerful
approach to help someone suffering from negative self talk to use their <a href="https://somaticaliveness.blogspot.com/2019/07/becoming-our-own-protective-container.html">body as a resource</a> to modify such self-defeating dialogue. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="color: #20124d; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">There are many ways to work with
negative inner dialogues and painful emotions that accompany them. It is
helpful for clients and therapists to explore different treatment options as they
work together. A collaborative therapeutic approach helps people to feel empowered
and in control of their recovery from
depression. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Working
with a mental health therapist to explore treatment options for depression is
an important step toward healing. I hope anyone who is suffering from
depression reaches out and gets the help they need. </span><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Everyone’s pain is unique, and no one
deserves to suffer in silence. Reaching out and asking for help is a courageous
act that people can do in response to suffering from depression.</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">©
Dr.<a href="https://drpayam.com/about_dr_payam"> Payam Ghassemlou</a> MFT, Ph.D., is a marriage and family
therapist in private practice in West Hollywood, California. <a href="https://drpayam.com/home">www.DrPayam.com </a> <a href="http://www.somaticaliveness.com/"> www.SomativAliveness.com </a></span>Payam Ghassemlou SEP, MFT, Ph.D.http://www.blogger.com/profile/10828432930898392801noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8257319369481949518.post-74312549496718138452020-04-05T09:07:00.001-07:002020-04-05T09:12:03.388-07:00Resource is Power in Dealing with COVID-19 By Payam Ghassemlou Ph.D.<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: #757575; font-family: Roboto,sans-serif; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="background-color: #ea9999;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #0b5394;"><span style="line-height: 16.05px;">COVID-19 is the uninvited guest that has crashed our daily lives. This virus has forced us to take a collective “time out,” and shelter in our homes. Most of our plans are now on pause, and we are living with a great deal of uncertainty. For many of us, </span><span style="line-height: 16.05px;">fear, helplessness, and confusion are among the common reactions to the coronavirus outbreak. It feels scary to deal with an invisible enemy that </span></span><span style="color: #0b5394;"><span style="line-height: 16.05px;">can attack the respiratory system and jeopardize our well-being or the health of our loved ones. No one should feel judged for having an emotional </span><span style="line-height: 16.05px; text-align: center;">reaction to this pandemic.</span><span style="line-height: 16.05px; text-align: center;"> </span>It is important to have empathy for our painful feelings, and our struggle dealing with this situation. Everyone’s <a href="https://somaticaliveness.blogspot.com/2018/08/a-somatic-perspective-on-trauma-of_18.html" style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; color: #37afc0; text-decoration: none;">pain</a> is unique, and no one deserves to <a href="https://somaticaliveness.blogspot.com/2018/08/a-somatic-perspective-on-trauma-of_18.html" style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; color: #37afc0; text-decoration: none;">suffer</a> in silence. Reaching out and asking for <a href="http://drpayam1.blogspot.com/2017/02/goal-oriented-psychotherapy-practice.html" style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; color: #37afc0; text-decoration: none;">help</a> is a courageous act that we can do in response to our need for support.</span></span></span></span></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: #757575; font-family: Roboto,sans-serif; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="background-color: #ea9999;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #0b5394;"><br /></span><span style="line-height: 16.05px;"><span style="color: #0b5394;">When it comes to asking for help, it is important to notice where we experience our distress. We often notice our overwhelming emotions and our intense thinking patterns when it comes to stressful situations. It is important to start with how our body experiences the threat of the COVID-19 pandemic, particularly its impact on our nervous system. Everything that happens to us starts with how our <a href="http://drpayam1.blogspot.com/2019/07/the-royal-road-to-nervous-system_7.html" style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; color: #37afc0; text-decoration: none;">nervous system receives</a> it. Our body comes with a built in autonomic nervous system (ANS) that provides many vital functions including helping us experience safety. Relying on neuroception, a term coined by Porges, the ANS helps our body differentiate between safety, danger, and a life threat. Our nervous system gets affected by what happens around or inside us. For example, the cues of danger that many of us sense by just making a short trip to our neighborhood grocery store is enough to dysregulate our nervous system. It is very difficult to function optimally when we are in a constant state of dysregulation caused by the threat of the coronavirus. As human beings, we need a sense of safety. We can’t thrive without it.</span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: #757575; font-family: Roboto,sans-serif; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="background-color: #ea9999;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 16.05px;"><span style="color: #0b5394;"><br /></span></span><span style="line-height: 16.05px;"><span style="color: #0b5394;">At times like this, we need to help our body feel safe and learn how to <a href="http://drpayam1.blogspot.com/2019/07/the-royal-road-to-nervous-system_7.html" style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; color: #37afc0; text-decoration: none;">regulate our nervous system</a>. We need to <a href="https://somaticaliveness.blogspot.com/2019/07/becoming-our-own-protective-container.html" style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; color: #37afc0; text-decoration: none;">protect</a> ourselves from getting infected by the virus or recover from it without getting paralyzed by fear and stress. Luckily, by providing the right resources, our body can become a vessel of safety to settle ourselves. A settled body can become a <a href="http://drpayam1.blogspot.com/2019/03/becoming-our-own-protective-container.html" style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; color: #37afc0; text-decoration: none;">protective container</a> during these turbulent times.</span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: #757575; font-family: Roboto,sans-serif; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="background-color: #ea9999;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 16.05px;"><span style="color: #0b5394;"><br /></span></span><span style="line-height: 16.05px;"><span style="color: #0b5394;">Our best ally to help our nervous system deal with the COVID-19 pandemic or any life challenge is accessing <a href="http://drpayam1.blogspot.com/" style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; color: #37afc0; text-decoration: none;">resources</a>. What is a resource? A resource is power. It is anything in the universe that can empower us, support our wellbeing, help us feel safe and create a healthy connection with others. A resource is not only about what can help us thrive but also how helping ourselves can positively impact others and the<a href="http://drpayam1.blogspot.com/2013/11/a-brief-reflection-on-climate-change.html" style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; color: #37afc0; text-decoration: none;"> Earth</a>. A resource can be as simple as listening to calming music that can relax us or practicing physical distancing with others that can reduce our exposure to the coronavirus. We all have resources, and some of us might need support to identify them. It is very difficult to identify resources if we feel anxious, overwhelmed, or dealing with chronic habits of<a href="http://drpayam1.blogspot.com/2012/03/dealing-with-depression.html" style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; color: #37afc0; text-decoration: none;"> negative thinking</a>.</span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="background-color: #ea9999;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 16.05px;"><span style="color: #0b5394;"><br /></span></span></span></span></span></span>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="background-color: #ea9999;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #0b5394;"><span style="line-height: 16.05px;">We can start accessing our resources by being present in our body. When we identify a <a href="http://drpayam1.blogspot.com/2012/03/practices-for-healthy-living.html" style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; color: #37afc0; text-decoration: none;">helpful resource</a>, we can notice our body’s reaction to it. </span><span style="line-height: 16.05px;">For example, when we witness and slow down our <a href="http://drpayam1.blogspot.com/2020/01/breath-love-different-kind-of.html" style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; color: #37afc0; text-decoration: none;">breathing</a>, along with silently repeating a meaningful <a href="http://drpayam1.blogspot.com/2020/01/breath-love-different-kind-of.html" style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; color: #37afc0; text-decoration: none;">mantra</a>, we might be able to help our nervous system shift toward the experience of calmness. According to many scientists, slow breathing can stimulate the vagus nerve and help us go into the parasympathetic mode. Moreover, for some of us by having body awareness during slow abdominal breathing, we can track positive sensations such as relaxation or calmness. Such tracking can help us befriend our internal sensations and contribute to our nervous system regulation.</span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="background-color: #ea9999;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 16.05px;"><span style="color: #0b5394;"><br /></span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="background-color: #ea9999;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #0b5394;"><span style="line-height: 16.05px;">It is important to note not everyone finds <a href="http://drpayam1.blogspot.com/2020/01/breath-love-different-kind-of.html" style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; color: #37afc0; text-decoration: none;">meditation </a>or slow breathing helpful. One size does not fit all. A resource needs to be tailored to the needs of the individual. </span><span style="line-height: 16.05px;">For instance, some of us find certain <a href="https://somaticaliveness.blogspot.com/2019/09/body-awareness-on-spiritual-path_7.html" style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; color: #37afc0; text-decoration: none;">dances or movements</a> helpful. Our body might respond positively to such experience by releasing tension. Other people might notice feeling lighter in their body after watching a comedy. </span><span style="line-height: 16.05px;">No one should feel judged for not finding certain resources helpful.</span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="background-color: #ea9999;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 16.05px;"><span style="color: #0b5394;"><br /></span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="background-color: #ea9999;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 16.05px;"><span style="color: #0b5394;">The right resources can help with <a href="http://drpayam1.blogspot.com/2019/07/the-royal-road-to-nervous-system_7.html" style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; color: #37afc0; text-decoration: none;">nervous system regulation</a> and help our body experience safety. A regulated nervous system helps with creating a strong foundation to cope with the stress of the COVID-19 pandemic. In addition, there is magic in a breath that flows from a person with a regulated nervous system since it can add harmony to the collective nervous system. Everyone has a nervous system and embracing the oneness of our humanity can include awareness of our <a href="https://somaticaliveness.blogspot.com/2018/05/vortex-of-love.html" style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; color: #37afc0; text-decoration: none;">collective nervous system</a>. Since we are all part of one humanity, our attempt to create inner peace is good for everyone’s nervous system. If a virus can be spread so quickly and globally, <a href="http://drpayam1.blogspot.com/2020/01/breath-love-different-kind-of.html" style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; color: #37afc0; text-decoration: none;">peace</a> can too.</span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
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<h4 style="color: #757575; font-family: "roboto",sans-serif; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; letter-spacing: normal; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">
<span style="background-color: #ea9999;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 16.05px;">We can create a list of the <a href="https://drpayam.com/articles_and_book" style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; color: #37afc0; text-decoration: none;">resources</a> that can assist us dealing with the impact of this pandemic. We can create it on our own, with the help of a therapist or a trusted person. Again, it is okay to reach out and ask for help even when it comes with resource making. As we make this list, we can bring awareness to what it is like on the inside knowing we have resources. For many, resource-making can be an act of self-care that can lead to a sense of aliveness. </span><span style="line-height: 16.05px;">It can also be empowering and help our body experience a sense of safety. Peace, serenity, and a sense of safety can be very empowering for the immune system. In addition, resources can help us collectively. For example, a collective breath is a resource that can help us pause and change our old way of living. As our life story with COVID-19 unfolds, let’s reflect and realize a crisis is not always about danger but also the opportunity to transform.</span></span></span><br /><span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-weight: normal;"><span style="line-height: 16.05px;"><br /></span></span></span></span><span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-weight: normal;"><span style="line-height: 16.05px;"><br /></span></span><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<a href="https://somaticaliveness.blogspot.com/2020/04/resource-is-power-in-dealing-with-covid.html" style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; color: #37afc0; text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: white;"><img border="0" data-original-height="375" data-original-width="500" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcdUXaPHCNUtwd-2ePMAO8tpIH3ixn0k-MWe3va3GiUSdgEzGxBufP9Dp_vmmT0pGvWDrx91THcoDZ1kcuEB1Pbx6P74ZosZNkhX7N-q3u4ab9klu0fTm8DBxrc3ISZnOftSjKH-zd7mP4/s400/ResourceSmaller.jpg" style="border: 0px; height: inherit; max-width: 100%;" width="400" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: #ea9999;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 700; letter-spacing: normal; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.4px;">© <a href="https://drpayam.com/about_dr_payam" style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; color: #37afc0; outline: 0px; text-decoration: none;">Dr. Payam Ghassemlou</a> MFT, Ph.D. is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (Psychotherapist), in private practice in West Hollywood, California. </span><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.4px;"><a href="http://www.drpayam.com/" style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; color: #37afc0; text-decoration: none;">www.DrPayam.com</a></span><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.4px;"><a href="https://drpayam.com/home" style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; color: #37afc0; text-decoration: none;"> </a> </span><a href="http://www.somaticaliveness.com/" style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; color: #37afc0; text-decoration: none;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.4px;">www.SomaticAliveness.com</span></a></span><span style="color: #757575; font-family: "roboto" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: 700; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 18.4px; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;"><span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> </span></span></span></span><b></b><i></i><u></u><sub></sub><sup></sup><strike></strike>Payam Ghassemlou SEP, MFT, Ph.D.http://www.blogger.com/profile/10828432930898392801noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8257319369481949518.post-31789699695650010142020-01-01T21:31:00.000-08:002020-01-01T22:38:44.663-08:00Breath & Love: A Different Kind of Intoxication by Payam Ghassemlou Ph.D.<u><span style="color: #000120;"></span></u><br />
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<a href="http://drpayam1.blogspot.com/"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="640" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiq-BjxnUuQdTIholW6XaWybMq9AjUMAGbtG-nHcTiPVI3cPiRwx7WUrtyM0yWLOOKjCKBMtL4izMIdRDkyA_t3vwId7ag8EYI_H-JRzv4gGPi9Ds8V89oCmlYAGMSxFd2PHL3o_OQIlfVS/s320/BreathLove6.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">T<span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">he word intoxication often gets associated with substance
use. Even though some people do experience a physical high through drinking or
drug use, such behaviors have nothing to do with the real desire of the soul
for elevation. There is a different kind of intoxication that comes from
certain body-mind practices. Such practice
draws breath and love together with the intention of a journey into the heart,
which is into an inner place you can call “home.” </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: #0b5394;"></span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"></span><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: #0b5394;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Every journey has a beginning. The journey into the heart starts with </span><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">awareness of breath, which is one of the most
accessible paths to the present moment and has the potential for transformation.
Breathing is an automatic bodily function that you can consciously work with. For instance, you can infuse each breath you
take with a silent mantra, which can be
performed anytime and anywhere. A <a href="https://somaticaliveness.blogspot.com/2019/09/body-awareness-on-spiritual-path_7.html">mantra </a>can be given by one’s mentor or can be
found through personal research. A conscious breath that is combined with a
deeply personal mantra has a different quality than an automatic one. It is a
beautiful breath with a potential to connect you to a deeper place within
yourself. </span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="color: #0b5394;"></span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"></span><br /></span></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #0b5394;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">There
are many ways of breathing. Each with their own physiological impact on the
body including the impact on the nervous system. For example, when you witness
and slow down your <a href="https://somaticaliveness.blogspot.com/2019/09/body-awareness-on-spiritual-path_7.html">breathing</a> going out and coming in, along with silently
repeating a meaningful mantra, you can help your nervous system shift toward the
experience of calmness. According to many scientists, slow breathing can
stimulate the vagus nerve and help you go into the parasympathetic mode. Moreover, by having body awareness during slow
abdominal breathing, you can track positive <a href="https://somaticaliveness.blogspot.com/2019/09/body-awareness-on-spiritual-path_7.html">sensations</a> such as relaxation or
calmness. Such tracking can help you to befriend your internal sensations and
contribute to your nervous system regulation. A regulated nervous system helps
with creating a strong foundation for your personal or<a href="https://somaticaliveness.blogspot.com/2019/09/body-awareness-on-spiritual-path_7.html"> spiritual journey</a> along
with deepening your connection to your body, mind, and soul. In addition, </span><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">there is magic in a breath that flows
from a person with a regulated nervous system since it can add harmony to the
collective nervous system. Everyone has a nervous system and embracing the
oneness of our <a href="https://somaticaliveness.blogspot.com/2019/07/becoming-our-own-protective-container.html">humanity</a> can include awareness of our <a href="https://somaticaliveness.blogspot.com/2019/07/becoming-our-own-protective-container.html">collective</a> nervous system.
Since we are all part of one humanity, your attempt to create inner peace is
good for everyone’s nervous system. </span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: #0b5394;"></span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"></span><br /></span></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #0b5394;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">As
you journey into the heart with awareness of
breath, you need to invite love into this process. </span><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><a href="https://somaticaliveness.blogspot.com/2018/05/vortex-of-love.html">Love</a> is more than an emotion. It is
an experience, and you can access it through your <a href="http://drpayam1.blogspot.com/2019/07/the-royal-road-to-nervous-system_7.html">imagination</a>. For instance, </span><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">as you notice your breathing, imagine a moment
in your life when you felt real love and
kindness. Notice the bodily “felt sense” of this pleasant experience as you
<a href="http://drpayam1.blogspot.com/2019/07/the-royal-road-to-nervous-system_7.html">imagine</a> it. Let the pleasant sensation(s) that can come up infuse every part of
your body. Take all the time you need and dive into this heartwarming
experience. Such a practice can become a doorway to an inner space where a
mystical dance of breath and love give rise to an intoxicating experience. This
is how you can connect with your heart and immerse your mind into the <a href="https://somaticaliveness.blogspot.com/2019/09/body-awareness-on-spiritual-path_7.html">energy</a> of
love. This is how you can “go home.” </span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="color: #0b5394;"></span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"></span><br /></span></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">When
such practice is done not just for the
sake of personal growth but to add more harmony to life, it can expand beyond
yourself and help the world. Breathing with the intention of a union with love
can add more love to the web of universal connectivity and increase participation in creating balance within the
universe. Currently, the <a href="https://somaticaliveness.blogspot.com/2019/07/becoming-our-own-protective-container.html">world</a> needs more love, and our personal journey needs
to include compassion for the<a href="https://somaticaliveness.blogspot.com/2019/07/becoming-our-own-protective-container.html"> Earth</a> and each other.</span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="color: #0b5394;"></span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"></span><br /></span></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #0b5394;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">The combination of breath and love is a free elixir that is
available to everyone and is the fuel needed to “go home.” However, for some people
with unresolved past <a href="https://somaticaliveness.blogspot.com/2018/08/a-somatic-perspective-on-trauma-of_18.html">traumas</a> it might be challenging to benefit from such combination.
</span><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">The sense of bliss that you can
experience when love merges with breath is difficult to access in a body frozen
by <a href="https://somaticaliveness.blogspot.com/2018/08/a-somatic-perspective-on-trauma-of_18.html">trauma</a>. That is why in order to “go home” one needs to claim the body from
unhealed trauma. Since </span><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">unhealed
trauma can affect the working of the autonomic nervous system, it can be difficult
for many trauma survivors to feel safe enough to let go and experience such a deep
inner journey. The nervous system has many functions including helping us
experience a sense of safety. Since <a href="https://somaticaliveness.blogspot.com/2018/08/a-somatic-perspective-on-trauma-of_18.html">trauma</a> is in the body, particularly the nervous system, <a href="http://www.somaticaliveness.com/">somatic psychotherapy</a> can be a helpful approach toward <a href="http://www.somaticaliveness.com/">healing </a>from trauma. </span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: #0b5394;"></span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"></span><br /></span><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">The practice of combining love and breath can help you
journey into a sacred place within your heart you can call “home.” This
practice helps you realize love is more
accessible than your past wants you to believe. Such a practice can be an inner
container for love where its intoxicating magic can transform you.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: #0b5394;"></span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"></span><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: #0b5394;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">© Dr. <a href="https://drpayam.com/home">Payam Ghassemlou</a>
MFT, Ph.D. is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (Psychotherapist), in
private practice in West Hollywood, California.
</span><a href="http://www.drpayam.com/"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">www.DrPayam.com</span></a><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> , </span><a href="http://www.somaticaliveness.com/"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">www.SomaticAliveness.com</span></a><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> </span></span></span></div>
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<b></b><i></i><u></u><sub></sub><sup></sup><strike></strike><span style="color: #0b5394;"></span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"></span>Payam Ghassemlou SEP, MFT, Ph.D.http://www.blogger.com/profile/10828432930898392801noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8257319369481949518.post-24895969833220535892019-07-20T11:35:00.000-07:002020-12-10T11:32:44.733-08:00The Queer Body Remembers: Somatic-Focused Trauma Healing By Payam Ghassemlou MFT, Ph.D.<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;"><br /></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><font color="#274e13"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">For many LGBTQ (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer/questioning)
people growing up was distressing due
to </span><a href="http://drpayam1.blogspot.com/2011/02/homophobia-enemy-of-curiosity.html"><span style="color: windowtext; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; text-decoration-line: none;">homophobia</span></a><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"> and transphobia. Schools felt like a scary place for those
who were scapegoated as queer. </span><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">LGBTQ people
of color reported even worse experiences due to the additional stress of racism
and racial bullying.</span><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"> Many
of the gay men’s personal narratives that I have heard are not vastly different
from my own. Regardless of national origin or skin color, we are part of a
tribe with similar stories of growing up in a homophobic and transphobic world
where our true essence was repeatedly assaulte<a name="_Hlk40383282">d. </a><a name="_Hlk44752683">As LGBTQ people, we
have connected around the theme of “love is stronger than hate” which raised awareness
about our injustice and suffering. </a>Addressing these issues have helped
people to become more concerned about the mistreatment of not only LGBTQ kids,
but also any youngsters who do not flow with the mainstream. More work needs to
be done to make the world a safer place for marginalized people. Anyone dealing
with oppression does not deserve to suffer in silence and needs encouragement
to reach out and get support. Love and healing is more accessible than our painful
moments want us to believe.</span></font></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><font color="#274e13">Injustice and <a href="http://drpayam1.blogspot.com/2018/08/a-somatic-perspective-on-trauma-of_18.html">trauma</a> that were inflicted on LGBTQ people as
result of growing up in an oppressive environment deserve empathy and healing. When
it comes to healing, psychotherapy offers a variety of approaches to work with trauma,
including the ordeal of growing up gay in a heterosexist world. Many mental
health professionals who work with LGBTQ clients often rely on a “top-down”
approach, which <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>focuses on the highest
form of cognition that involves changing thoughts. Moreover, it challenges
clients’ negative belief systems and their cognitive distortions. Many clients
have benefited from cognitive restructuring in psychotherapy and developed
skills in identifying and disputing irrational or maladaptive thoughts. In my
clinical experience, when it comes to healing from years of assault on one’s
core identity including feelings of shame and humiliation for same sex
attraction, a cognitive approach is neither enough nor always possible. For many queer
trauma survivors whose thinking brain gets hijacked by trauma memories and their bodies default to a fight-flight-freeze
response, a body-centered approach or bottom-up processing is necessary to calm
their arousal systems. Relying on the thinking brain as the only path to deal
with the root cause of trauma symptoms is not effective. The brain parts that are
responsible for reflexes, memories, and automatic survival responses are in the
deeper regions of the brain, and trauma informed therapy needs to begin by
focusing on those areas. <o:p></o:p></font></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><font color="#274e13">Educating clients about a bottom-up approach, and the basic
working of the nervous system can help enhance and clarify the somatic focused
therapy process. For many LGBTQ clients, trusting a
professional or an authority figure might not be easy due to their history with
a discriminatory health care system, religious bigotry, police violence, school
trauma, and family betrayal. Establishing a therapeutic alliance with LGBTQ
clients can be facilitated by explaining the therapeutic process including the key
role the nervous system can play in trauma recovery and asking their permission
to provide somatic-focused therapy. <o:p></o:p></font></span></p>
<font color="#274e13"><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk45099247;"></span>
</font><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><font color="#274e13"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Our body comes with an already built-in autonomic nervous
system (ANS) that provides many vital functions. The ANS is the part of
the nervous system that governs the </span><a href="https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/psychpedia/fight-or-flight" target="_blank"><span style="color: windowtext; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">fight, flight, or freeze instinct</span></a><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"> and is responsible for the
unconscious bodily functions like breathing, digesting food, and regulating the
heart rate. It also plays an important role of supplying information from our
organs to our brain. The ANS is central to our experience of safety, connection
with others, and our ability to bounce back from life’s overwhelming
experiences. Relying on neuroception, a term coined by Dr. Porges, our ANS is
able differentiate between safety, danger, and a life threat. Neuroception, as
Deb Dana (author of<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i>The Polyvagal
Theory in Therapy</i>) explains, is automatic, and it does not go through the thinking
part of our brain. Everything from sound to smell to temperature in our
environment, people’s tone of voice, and eye contact can influence our neuroception.
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>is like a “guardian angel” that helps us take
immediate action in the face of danger or threat. The goal of neuroception is
to keep us safe and alive. <o:p></o:p></span></font></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><font color="#274e13">Pat Ogden’s, Stephen Porges’, Bessel van der Kolk’s, and
Peter Levine’s research and writings have expanded my understanding of the
autonomic nervous system as a relational system that has been shaped by
experience. We now know previous negative experiences and traumas can
significantly affect how our nervous system accurately assesses safety, danger,
or a life threat. This can explain why many LGBTQ people with history of being
judged, humiliated, and violated often suffer from anxiety that stems from
faulty neuroception. <o:p></o:p></font></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><font color="#274e13">Neuroceptive conditioning based on previous homophobic and
transphobic mistreatment can cause many LGBTQ people to feel unsafe even where
there is no real threat. What we hold inside in the aftermath of trauma can cause
us to over-react in a safe environment or not react correctly in a dangerous
situation. A body inclusive therapy can help to support the ANS to move out of
a dysregulated state into a biological state of safety and connection. <o:p></o:p></font></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><font color="#274e13">There are many body-oriented methods for trauma healing
including Somatic Experiencing (SE) which was founded by Peter A. Levine, Ph.D.
His curiosity about animals in the wild getting exposed to life-threating
situations without getting PTSD while humans frequently succumb to the disorder
was the start of <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>SE’s development. SE is
a body first approach that helps people discover where they are stuck in the
fight, flight, or freeze responses, and how they can “resolve these fixated
physiological states.” SE is a powerful trauma healing medium that includes
working with sensations, movements, postures, and gestures as a way of
deepening resilience and to reset the nervous system. According to Dr. Levine,
the ANS can become dysregulated due to “the thwarted responses of fight,
flight, or freeze” in the aftermath of trauma. A body-oriented approach like SE
can help stop trauma to become “a life sentence”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>through “gently releasing thwarted survival
energy bound in the body.” To do this, Dr. Levine developed SIBAM as a method
to accurately track a client’s inner experience. In his writing, he described SIBAM
as an acronym for: “Sensation (Internal-Interoceptive), <a href="http://drpayam1.blogspot.com/2019/07/the-royal-road-to-nervous-system_7.html">Image</a>, Behavior (both
voluntary and involuntary), Affect (feelings and emotions) and Meaning
(including old/traumatic beliefs and new perceptions). These five elements are
the channels of experience that occur during a session.”<o:p></o:p></font></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><font color="#274e13"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">LGBTQ people who grow up with mistreatment can discover the
tales of their abuse written in their nervous system. The queer body remembers
the experience of growing up in a world with <a href="http://drpayam1.blogspot.com/2011/01/lgbt-suicide-and-trauma-of-growing-up.html">cruelty</a>. Having over two decades
of providing LGBTQ affirmative psychotherapy along with research and numerous
trainings on body-mind therapy, I have learned cruelty and cumulative stress of
mistreatment can become embodied during a person's life and affect the working
of the ANS. For example, one gay high school student with symptoms of anxiety disclosed
to me that he hears several homophobic remarks a day along with experiencing bullying
and harassment. </span><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Such ongoing
stress from homophobia can activate his sympathetic system (“stress response”
or “fight or flight” response). Naturally as a target of hate and mistreatment,
he wants to defend himself or escape the abusive situation. Often due to lack
of protection for many LGBTQ youngsters, during such abusive situations neither
fighting nor fleeing can resolve the overwhelming situation. <a name="_Hlk44099581">As a result, the energy that gets locked inside him for not
being able to fight or flee causes trauma symptoms. In other words, the
thwarted or incomplete fight and flight responses can become “trapped” within
the youngster’s body and dysregulate his nervous system. </a>Such a
dysregulated nervous system is likely to get stuck on “high” or hyper-arousal.
Anxiety, panic attacks, rage, hyperactivity, mania, hypervigilance, sleeplessness,
exaggerated startle response, digestive problems, and many other symptoms are
the result of a dysregulated nervous system that is stuck on “high” or
hyper-arousal. <o:p></o:p></span></font></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><font color="#274e13">On the other hand, there are those of us whose nervous
systems can stuck on “low” or hypo-arousal, which can result from being
terrorized growing up with no hope of protection or escape. For example, faced
with isolation, confusion, bullying, physical attacks, and ongoing lack of
safety is too stressful for any child to endure, especially when there is no
empathic other to help the kid. Such experience is often beyond the youngster’s
“window of tolerance” (a term coined by Dr. Daniel Siegel). This is when the
dorsal vagal (dorsal branch of the vagus nerve as discussed by Dr. Porges’ Polyvagal
Theory) can shut down the entire system, and the mistreated youngster can go
into freeze. In other words, the child suffers in silence with numbness or
dissociation as his only available survival mechanism. Dorsal vagal is
instrumental in activating the “shutdown” of the body in cases of overwhelming
fear which can result from trauma. This automatic survival mechanism can become
a long-standing pattern of how individuals might cope with fear and stress in
life. For instance, people whose nervous system is stuck on “low” or
hypo-arousal when faced with life stresses can default to shutting down,
disassociation, chronic isolation, detachment, numbness, and <a href="http://drpayam1.blogspot.com/2011/01/lgbt-suicide-and-trauma-of-growing-up.html">suicidal thoughts.</a><o:p></o:p></font></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><font color="#274e13"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">As
stated, trauma symptoms are the trapped energy from the </span><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">"incomplete defensive
response" (fight, flight, or freeze) and healing involves helping the body
to release such thwarted responses. Working with many members of LGBTQ
community, I have noticed </span></font><a name="_Hlk522365364"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"><font color="#274e13">when the nervous system gets stuck on
freeze, when numbness and detachment become a gay man’s dominant state, he is
more likely to engage in risky behaviors as a temporary relief from inner deadness. </font></span></a><span style="color: #274e13; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk519952568;">Thrill seeking behaviors
such as, excessive gambling, hypersexuality, and crystal meth (crystal
methamphetamine) use are few examples of <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>how some gay men escape the emotional flatness
that results from experiencing the hypo-arousal state. The same behaviors can
also be used to cope with ongoing activation of the fight or flight response.
One person might turn to substance abuse or other perilous behaviors to escape
his inner deadness while another person might use it to dampen his anxiety that
often results from being stuck in a state of </span></span><span style="color: #274e13; mso-bookmark: _Hlk519952568;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">hyper-arousal.
It is important to note that the trauma is at the root cause of such a
maladaptive way of coping.</span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk519952568;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><font color="#274e13">As discussed earlier, as a
“bottom-up” approach, SE focuses on the brain stem and its survival-based
functions first rather than insight and emotions. Dr. Levine developed SIBAM to
chart this “bottom-up” process, working from body to emotions and cognitions. The
SE session involves teaching the client to track body sensation including the
sensations related to the traumatic event. Experiencing<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>body sensations related to homophobic or
transphobic events in a safe way allows the client to process the trauma. Often
the client might experience discharge of the traumatic energy through heat,
vibration, shaking, or tears. Such healing approach can reset the nervous
system and restore inner balance. For example, Cyrus (names and other details
have been changed in respect for privacy and confidentiality) a cisgender gay Iranian
man who grew up suffering from homophobia and racism, came to therapy to work
on his “coming out issues.” After he felt safe enough to address his traumas,
our work progressed in helping him to develop awareness of “felt sense” of his
internal states. We worked slowly and
paused periodically to notice any sensations, movements, impulses, images, gesture,
or feelings. Sometimes he experienced an uncomfortable heavy sensation in his
chest and stayed with it short of getting overwhelmed. Other times he noticed
spontaneous movement of his body rocking from side to side which felt soothing for
him. We paid attention to any subtle movement or protective responses that was
coming up. For example, one of the protective responses that was not available
at the time of dealing with school bullies was emerging. I invited Cyrus to
notice the movement of his hands and what might be coming up. He described sensing
strength in his arms and an impulse to use his hands to push back. By slowing
down the process, he was able to work with that impulse. By tracking his body
sensations and movements, Cyrus was able to move through painful events and
discharge the trauma energy by spontaneous trembling and shaking. In addition, alternating,
or “pendulating,” between the sensations associated with the traumatic event
and those that are a source of safety and strength was part of the process that
supported his ability to <a href="http://drpayam1.blogspot.com/2019/03/becoming-our-own-protective-container.html">self-regulate</a>. <a name="_Hlk45528343">Eventually, our
work together led to the embodiment of his pride in being a gay person of color.
It also helped Cyrus not letting his past traumas become a life sentence. He
discovered love and a sense of safety is more accessible than his past wants
him to believe. <o:p></o:p></a></font></span></span></p>
<font color="#274e13"><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk45528343;"></span>
</font><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><font color="#274e13"><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk519952568;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">On the path to recovering from trauma and living
a passionate life, one needs resources. In Sensorimotor psychotherapy, Pat
Ogden describes resources as, “anything that enhances the quality of our lives
or provides what we need to meet life’s challenges.” She also discusses in
details different categories of resources including internal resources and external
resources. </span></span><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk519952568;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">It is important to note, a resource
needs to be tailored to the needs of the individual. For instance, some clients
might find certain </span></span><a href="https://somaticaliveness.blogspot.com/2019/09/body-awareness-on-spiritual-path_7.html"><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk519952568;"><span style="color: windowtext; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">body movements</span></span></a><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk519952568;"><span class="MsoHyperlink"><span style="color: windowtext; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;"> like rocking or dancing</span></span></span><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk519952568;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"> helpful. Their body might respond positively to such an experience
by releasing tension. Other clients might notice feeling lighter in their body
after watching a comedy or playing with their pets. No one should feel
judged for not finding certain resources helpful. One size does not fit all.<o:p></o:p></span></span></font></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><font color="#274e13"><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk519952568;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">One of the resources that can benefit
gay men is the discovery and the embodiment of the meaning of their gayness or
queerness. In one of my articles, <a href="http://drpayam1.blogspot.com/2016/07/gays-in-search-of-meaning_94.html">“Gays in Search of Meaning,”</a> I discussed by
embracing what is inherently purposeful about our </span></span><a href="http://drpayam1.blogspot.com/2016/05/gay-enlightenment_29.html"><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk519952568;"><span style="color: windowtext; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">gayness</span></span></a><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk519952568;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">, we can start to live a more </span></span><a href="http://drpayam1.blogspot.com/2016/05/vulnerability-by-payamghassemlou-ph_42.html"><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk519952568;"><span style="color: windowtext; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">soulful</span></span></a><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk519952568;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"> life. Helping gay men to connect to their gay essence and find the
numinous qualities inherent in being gay can be an <a href="http://drpayam1.blogspot.com/2020/01/breath-love-different-kind-of.html">enlightening</a> process. <a name="_Hlk43657245">Gay people have an advantage as far as enlightenment is
concerned. Most gay people grow up feeling "different," and that
differentness helps to not identify with the collective. As Eckhart Tolle, the
author of <i>The Power of Now</i>, suggested, <o:p></o:p></a></span></span></font></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in; text-align: justify;"><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk519952568;"><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk43657245;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><font color="#274e13">"...realization that you are different
from others may force you to disidentify from socially conditioned patterns of
thought and behavior. This will automatically raise your level of consciousness
above that of the unconscious majority, whose members unquestioningly take on
board all inherited patterns. In that respect, being gay can be a help. Being
an outsider to some extent, someone who does not fit in with others or is
rejected by them for whatever reason, makes life difficult, but it also places
you at advantage as far as enlightenment is concerned." <o:p></o:p></font></span></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><font color="#274e13"><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk519952568;"><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk43657245;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">It is important to note concepts like soul, enlightenment, or
<a href="http://drpayam1.blogspot.com/2020/01/breath-love-different-kind-of.html">spirituality</a> can be triggering for many LGBTQ people who were harmed by homophobic
religions. Throughout human history, many religious institutes have committed atrocities
against LGBTQ people. In the name of their god, they have murdered queer people
or denied them their human rights. For many LGBTQ people who were target of
hate by homophobic institutions, knowing their right to a soulful life with
depth and purpose can be a resource. Such awakening can become embodied when it
is done within the context of somatic therapy. In my experience, many gay men
have added meaning and a sense of aliveness to their lives by participating in
body inclusive psychotherapy while working on discovering a deeper meaning of
being gay. Such feeling of aliveness and its underlying bodily sensation is in
contradiction to the fear and humiliation that many gay men had to endure
growing up in a heterosexist world. In <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Body
Keeps the Score</i>, Dr. Bessel van der Kolk writes about a body-centered
approach to healing allows “the body to have experiences that deeply and
viscerally contradict the helplessness, rage, or collapse that result from
trauma.” </span></span></span><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk519952568;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></font></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><font color="#274e13"><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk519952568;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Finally, how far the LGBTQ community
has come in the struggle for equal rights reflects how brave we are as a
community. Our bravery can continue by facing traumas we experienced growing up
in oppressive environments that did not nurture our true essence. Not every
LGBTQ person felt traumatized growing up, but those who did can benefit from
the vitality and the sense of liberation that comes with </span></span><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk519952568;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">incorporating
somatic work as part of the healing process</span></span></font><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk519952568;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><font color="#274e13"> As Resmaa Menakem, the author of <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i>My
Grandmother’s Hands</i> stated, “Healing does not happen in your head. It
happens in your body.”</font><o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk519952568;"></span>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">© Dr. Payam Ghassemlou MFT, Ph.D. is a Licensed Marriage and
Family Therapist (Psychotherapist), in private practice in West Hollywood,
California. </span><a href="http://www.drpayam.com/"><span style="color: windowtext; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">www.DrPayam.com</span></a><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"> , </span><span style="color: windowtext; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><a href="http://www.somaticaliveness.com/">www.SomaticAliveness.com</a></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://drpayam1.blogspot.com/2020/07/the-queer-body-remembers-somatic.html" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="592" data-original-width="960" height="246" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsOjHSnfmCTZ40pHyjBQBTf8jd__pETfYOlxophICKoCv3khUcAZ-Bf9qK7wL4DnwG0E7m7KjQOUWL3i_wwqFI4BQSS-CRU1Uj19w7PG0YDJtwa8TQNN7AO7lzlensQICL-ZieGjzgd821/w400-h246/Gay-Body-Trauma-+Healing.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><br /></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p><br />Payam Ghassemlou SEP, MFT, Ph.D.http://www.blogger.com/profile/10828432930898392801noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8257319369481949518.post-73111014270625336602019-07-07T15:00:00.005-07:002020-12-10T23:50:13.648-08:00The Royal Road to Nervous System Regulation By Payam Ghassemlou MFT, Ph.D.<u><span style="color: #000120;"></span></u><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://drpayam.com/articles_and_book" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmPqGvJhhmPsCQXiITUD8ZWwJfwAQKM0K-7fAHbG2uCOk11eWlBITCwyEQ9kKK-cTE_PWSr5z643T4Co0WgUg9xKngDQ1YwsVE5hR7uJ8kJgMYBmqgQq5eeG7bT0AYN1jgL4tWwfXjq1Qu/s320/Royal+Road+2.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Many
years ago, my husband and I worked on a small movie project that involved
reshooting and editing some of the scenes. Inspired by that experience, I view
life as a movie with the opportunity to reshoot and edit some of the upsetting
or disappointing scenes. The editing tool is our imagination. Life experiences
can consist of traumatic or tragic scenes, but we don't have to live in the
shadow of our tragedies. As Peter Levine, the founder of Somatic Experiencing
stated, "Trauma is a fact of life, but it doesn't have to be a life
sentence."</span></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">With
the help of our imagination, we can come up with an alternative to any unsettling
life experience. Since these events impact the nervous system, the most
important part of this work is noticing how the body responds to the new take
along with the bodily sensations that can arise. Noticing how our body responds
to a positive replica of an event can help embody a new relationship to the
original experience. Many of us have heard how changing our thinking about a
situation can impact the intensity of it. This is a similar concept except we
work with the imagination along with the inner sensations and any unresolved
excess energy within the nervous system. Stephen Porges’, Bessel van der
Kolk’s, and Peter Levine’s research and writings have significantly reworked my
understanding of how the nervous system responds to threat and trauma. As a
result of studying their work, I have gained more respect for the body
especially the autonomic nervous system (ANS). </span></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Since
our life tragedies live in the body, they can be experienced as unpleasant
sensations. For example, it is not uncommon for people with unhealed trauma to
experience sensations such as tightness, freezing, heaviness, tension, shaking
or others in their body. Some people that I have worked with have reported the bodily
experience of “spacious” in the chest area or a sense of vitality after
modifying the original unpleasant event in their imagination. Through my
training in Somatic Experiencing, I have been learning about the importance of
tracking bodily sensations that often come up during one’s </span><a href="http://drpayam1.blogspot.com/2019/03/becoming-our-own-protective-container.html" style="font-size: 12pt;">healing journey</a><span style="font-size: 12pt;">. In
general, this tracking involves paying attention to sensations within the
nervous system and distinguishing between pleasant and unpleasant ones. In my
experience, the more we bring pleasant sensations to our focus, the more
regulated our nervous system can become. Using the imagination to take bad
memories and form something new along with embracing pleasant sensations is the
royal road to regulating our nervous system.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">It
is important to note that using our imagination for healing purposes needs to
be done with the help of a professional who has training in healing trauma. We
need to make sure that there is a trained person available in case we become
overwhelmed by the imagination and can't cut it off. Different approaches work
for different people, and there is no one size fits all when it comes to
therapy. It is empowering when we offer people choices regarding interventions
and </span><a href="http://www.somaticaliveness.com/" style="font-size: 12pt;">healing modalities</a><span style="font-size: 12pt;">.</span></div>
<u><span style="color: #000120;"></span></u><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">When
we use our imagination to edit some of the painful scenes in our history, we
can experience more mastery over situations that we felt powerless at the time.
Imagination as the Sufi mystic Inayat Khan explained “is the stream that feeds
the fountain of your mind."</span><span style="font-size: 12pt; mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Many
people do not tap into the current of this stream and nourish their mind and
body with its healing energy. By using our imagination to rewrite some of our
life events, we can become an active player and connect with abilities and
potencies that we may not have experienced previously. Our imagination can also
be utilized in any current situation where we experience powerlessness. We can
use it to create a solution or coping strategy for any life challenges we
encounter. As Bessel van der Kolk stated, “Imagination gives us the opportunity
to envision new possibilities—it is an essential launchpad for making our hopes
come true.”</span></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">One
way of editing our life story is by choosing an unhappy scene from our
experience, and just like a movie director, use our imagination and reshoot the
scene. Most of our life events have a beginning, middle, and end. We can choose
a segment and change the scene to how we wished it had happened. For some,
changing the beginning of an event makes more sense and for others modifying
the middle or the end feels better. How and what to modify with the intention
of creating an alternative scene is a very personal decision.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">I
once worked with an actor who felt devastated after learning his part in a
popular television series was suddenly cut. The producer ended his role by
having him killed in one of the episodes. He felt incredibly sad for not being
in that show anymore. Sharing and receiving empathy along with grieving for the
loss of his role was helpful but not enough. He still had difficulty feeling
confident to pursue his acting career. At some point in our work, I invited him
to imagine a different take from what had happened. A scene that was completely
opposite to the original painful experience. Before starting the re-imagining,
I encouraged him to find a comfortable position and notice how his back was
touching the couch. Bringing his awareness to sensations that were comfortable
in his body helped him be in the present moment in a relaxed way. It is
important to be grounded in the present moment when doing this work. While he
was imagining a more pleasant alternative to his original devastating
experience, he noticed his body became infused with a pleasant warm sensation
along with a change in his breathing and a delightful smile appeared on his
face. As he was sharing how the exercise was helping him not to feel stuck, he
was making a movement with his hands that seemed meaningful. By inviting him to
notice the movement, he realized talking about letting go of defeat led to
opening of his clinched fist. As he was noticing the movement and slowing it
down, he started to sense some tingling in his hands. Something began to change
for him in that moment that words could not describe. As Carl Jung stated,
"Often the hands know how to solve a riddle with which the intellect has
wrestled in vain." In our follow up meeting, he reported feeling less
bothered by the loss of his acting job and more relaxed in his body. He also
felt more confident showing up for auditions. </span></div>
<br />
<br /><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk13157098;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Offering this approach to people has been very
interesting. There is a level of unpredictability that makes the process
adventurous. I never know how the person is going to re-imagine a scene or what
the imagination is going to offer. For some people who are spiritually grounded,
I have noticed they tend to receive an offering from their imagination in forms
of helpful figures, guides or healing images. For example, one of the refugees
from the Middle East who came to deal with his war trauma noticed the appearance
of his beloved Sufi teacher who offered him a protective shield made of glowing
light. Receiving the shield from his spiritual teacher gave him an “incredible
sense of safety” that he had never experienced before. His body was mirroring
his imaginal experience with a sense of calmness and relaxation. Having
experienced war and other trauma, he often felt nervous in his body. His
imagination became an important healing resource by offering him an experience
that was in contradiction to the tension he often carried in his body. Every
time he imagined the protective shield, he immediately felt safe. </span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Many
people who talk about distressing life experiences in therapy are never given
the opportunity to work with the experience in the arena of their imagination. The
sky is the limit when it comes to using our imagination to work with any life
scenarios. I recently met a gay man who felt traumatized growing up gay in a
religious small town. All his past therapy consisted of sharing about his
trauma and making the feelings associated with it more conscious. It was
important and useful for him to address those feelings and have regard for
them. He told me he was done addressing them. He wanted something different
than talking about his </span><a href="http://drpayam1.blogspot.com/2011/01/lgbt-suicide-and-trauma-of-growing-up.html" style="font-size: 12pt;">trauma</a><span style="font-size: 12pt;">. Since he was very much into comic books growing up,
he imagined one of his favorite comic book heroes rescuing him from this
oppressive homophobic environment. The experience felt so real in his body. He
had never experienced so much aliveness in a therapy session that involved
dealing with his </span><a href="http://drpayam1.blogspot.com/2018/08/a-somatic-perspective-on-trauma-of_18.html" style="font-size: 12pt;">traumas of growing up gay</a><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> in a </span><a href="http://drpayam1.blogspot.com/2018/08/a-somatic-perspective-on-trauma-of_18.html" style="font-size: 12pt;">homophobic</a><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> and heterosexist
world. For the first time in his life, he experienced the freedom to use his
imagination for the purpose of changing what he could not change as a child. He
was not in denial about the horror he experienced. For once in his life, he
began to feel the opposite of the trauma. A safe therapeutic space can help
people to imagine their painful history in a completely different way. Scenes
can be added, deleted, modified with a different ending.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Our
life traumas or tragedies are not just mental concepts. They are part of our
bodily memories that can impact our nervous system. </span><span lang="EN" style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">As </span><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Peter Levine stated, “Trauma is not in the
event, but in the nervous system.” There are many paths toward healing those
upsetting life experiences that has kept our nervous system dysregulated. By
working with a licensed professional who has training in “body-inclusive therapy”,
we can work on healing our nervous system from unresolved traumas. Our
imagination can be a very powerful resource and an ally in this process. Trauma
does not have to have the last word.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">For more
articles by <a href="https://drpayam.com/about_dr_payam">Dr. Payam</a>, please click on the following link: <a href="https://drpayam.com/articles_and_book">https://drpayam.com/articles_and_book</a><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">©<a href="http://www.somaticaliveness.com/"> Dr. Payam Ghassemlou MFT, Ph.D.</a> is a
Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (Psychotherapist), and a SE student in
private practice in West Hollywood, California.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><a href="http://www.drpayam.com/"><span color="windowtext">www.DrPayam.com</span></a></span></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<b></b><i></i><u></u><sub></sub><sup></sup><strike></strike>Payam Ghassemlou SEP, MFT, Ph.D.http://www.blogger.com/profile/10828432930898392801noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8257319369481949518.post-18857296948283370502019-03-24T22:30:00.000-07:002019-07-22T19:07:52.372-07:00Becoming Our Own Protective Container by Payam Ghassemlou Ph.D.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://drpayam1.blogspot.com/2019/03/becoming-our-own-protective-container.html"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="640" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEqfa7piYQA0z1l9cG9KrdmZNa7paz0-oECWX39mMSXpcF9HB8p8FufrKVIpCn-g_q9Due0GgMMCHJeOJ25VlUTiHDseW88_rFnlhlYU6WDSWCDKxeYztsbGJz923wFB_QlDxpxOeIxLd0/s400/Technology004.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="color: #660000;"></span></span><br />
<div style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: #660000;"><span style="color: #843c0c; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">As human beings, we need a sense of safety. We
can’t thrive without it. Given the current sociopolitical circumstances in
America, many of us don’t feel safe. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As
a gay man, it doesn’t make me feel secure when I witness the dismantling of our
<a href="http://drpayam1.blogspot.com/2018/08/a-somatic-perspective-on-trauma-of_18.html">LGBTQ+</a> rights by homophobic politicians. Since the mental health of the
individual and sociopolitical factors are deeply intertwined, no wonder we are
seeing more anxiety, depression, panic attacks, and <a href="http://drpayam1.blogspot.com/2011/01/lgbt-suicide-and-trauma-of-growing-up.html">suicide</a> than ever before. </span></span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: #660000;">
</span></span>
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<div style="text-align: justify;">
</div>
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: #660000;">
</span></span>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: #660000;"><br /></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: #660000;">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #843c0c; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">At times like this we need to learn to become
our own protective container. A vessel in which to settle ourselves and access
our sense of safety. Luckily, we all have a protective container, which is our
body. Our body has amazing protective and healing potentials. We just need to
learn how to access it. A settled body can be a resource to contain us during
turbulent times. By learning how to work with touch, breath, movement, gesture,
form, and their accompanying sensations, we can tap into our somatic resources.
We can also notice and work with images and meanings that emerge when working
with our body-based resources. Working with these resources not only help us to
ground ourselves but also to manage stress and feel empowered. They can also
lead to a physically felt experience of well-being. For example, noticing and
following our breath with the intention to connect with our physical body is
one way to access our somatic resources. Awareness of breath is the most
accessible way to the present moment, and one of the fundamental teaching of
many spiritual paths. Witnessing the journey of the out-breath and the return
of the breath back into our body can be a <a href="http://drpayam1.blogspot.com/2019/07/the-royal-road-to-nervous-system_7.html">grounding experience</a>. I often notice,
when I mindfully pay attention to the space in between the out-breath and in-breath,
I am more grounded and present in my body. Being grounded and present in my
body help me respond more effectively to challenging situations. It is the opposite
of being impulsive and reactionary.</span></div>
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</div>
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<span style="color: #843c0c; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">As more research on utilizing somatic therapy is
showing positive results with self-regulation and healing, we are entering an
era of somatic technology. An era of turning to our somatic resources as a starting
point for healing. Many of us associate technology with complicated devices
outside of ourselves. In fact, somatic technology can be a set of practices and
methods that rely on our natural bodily resources and is accessible to everyone.
Such technology is based on our own somatic wisdom and awareness in the service
of healing and growth. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #843c0c; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Somatic technology that works with bodily
resources might help humanity to evolve. We were not always human beings. We
evolved from sea creatures to something else. Then some million years after
that, we became human beings. The journey continues, and we evolve again. Perhaps,
working with somatic resources within ourselves, and learning to<a href="http://drpayam1.blogspot.com/2019/07/the-royal-road-to-nervous-system_7.html"> settle ourselves in our body</a> is how we are contributing to this journey of human
evolution. Perhaps, each time we settle ourselves in our body, we are designing
ourselves in a new way. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #843c0c; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">I have gained more respect for the body as I am
learning more about its amazing functions. For example, our body comes with
already built in autonomic nervous system (ANS) that provides many vital
functions. The ANS is the part of the nervous system that governs the fight,
flight, or freeze instinct and is responsible for many unconscious bodily
functions such as breathing, digesting food, and regulating the heart rate. It
also plays an important role of supplying information from our organs to our
brain. In addition, the ANS plays an enormous role in helping us experience
safety. Once regulated, our ANS can help our body settle and make it easier to
tap into our power and resist toxic stuff like discrimination based on <a href="http://drpayam1.blogspot.com/2018/08/a-somatic-perspective-on-trauma-of_18.html">sexual orientation</a>, race, ethnicity, gender, class, and more. It is also easier to
handle many other stressful situations that can overwhelm us. When I experience
prejudice based on my gayness or my status as an immigrant in the United
States, I notice how my body gets activated. Noticing and working with my
body’s activation and willingness to ask for support from other empathic people
is a starting point to take back my power in such circumstances. Having somatic
tools to deal with activation helps to regulate my nervous system and become my
own protective container. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #843c0c; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">For some of us, the biggest challenge on having
a “body-inclusive approach” toward becoming our own container is the difficulty
experiencing a sense of safety in our bodies. Since our ANS is shaped by our
life experience, having a history of unresolved trauma or dealing with a current
overwhelming situation can negatively influence our ANS’s ability to help us
feel safe. Stephen Porges’, Bessel van der Kolk’s, and Peter Levine’s research
and writings have significantly reworked my understanding of how the nervous
system responds to threat and trauma. We now know the ANS can become
dysregulated due to the thwarted responses of fight, flight, or freeze in the
aftermath of trauma. Relying on neuroception, a term coined by Porges, the ANS
helps our body to differentiate between safety, danger, and a life threat. Neuroception
is automatic. It does not go through thinking. Everything from sound to smell
to temperature in our environment, people’s tone of voice, and eye contact can influence
our neuroception. Neuroception is like a “guardian angel” that helps us take
immediate action in the face of danger or threat. Its goal is to keep us safe
and alive. When neuroception does not function properly due to unhealed
traumas, it can make us feel unsafe even where there is no real threat. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #843c0c; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: #843c0c; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">We can’t become our own protective container
without knowing how to claim our body from our unhealed traumas. Trauma is not
only about the bad things that happen to us but also what we keep inside as a
reaction to those things. According to Peter Levine, the founder of Somatic
Experiencing, trauma is more about “what we hold inside in the absence of an
empathic witness.” Resmaa Menakem, the author of My Grandmother’s Hands states,
“Our bodies exist in the present. To our thinking brain, there is past,
present, and future, but to a traumatized body there is only now. That now is
the home of intense survival energy.” Such intense survival energy, left
undone, can keep our body in a stressful state of trauma response. Therefore, much
of the healing from our traumas need to happen through the body. In particular,
the nervous system needs to be regulated. As Peter Levine stated, “Trauma is
not in the event, but in the nervous system.” </span><br />
</span></div>
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<span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk534828109;"></span>
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<span style="color: #843c0c; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Jungian psychology talks about the shadow, the
dark side of the personality that sometimes the conscious mind is avoiding. Even
though the shadow can also be a positive aspect of us, not dealing with it can
cause anguish. Incorporating this concept here, we can say our body has a
shadow too. From a somatic perspective, the shadow can be the incomplete bodily
responses that have been trapped in the body and not been dealt with. In other
words, our nervous system is designed to help our body get mobilized and deal
with threatening situations. When our body is ready to respond to a threat and
there is not enough time or resources for our body to complete its natural
protective responses, what ended up happening is our body gets stuck with
intense survival energy. When our body does not release this survival energy,
it stays trapped in our nervous system and dysregulates it. Not addressing the
body’s shadow, our bodily responses that are trapped, can lead to many physical
and emotional problems including nightmares, “too many accidents,” and number
of medical problems with no logical explanation. Many somatic therapists, in particular,
trained Somatic Experiencing Practitioners (SEPs), can offer techniques to help
people with the release of a trapped trauma response and the regulation of the
nervous system. It is important to use a body inclusive approach to healing
with the guidance of trained professionals who have formal training in somatic
modality. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #843c0c; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">In her book, Polyvagal Theory in Therapy, Deb
Dana discusses Stephen Porges’s theory and makes Polyvagal Theory more
accessible for clinicians who wish to apply it to their clinical practice. She
explains how the ANS responds to sensations in the body and signals from the
environment through three pathways of response: “ventral vagus, sympathetic nervous
system, and dorsal vagus.” These pathways can impact our participation in life,
and how we cope with many situations including sociopolitical factors. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #843c0c; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">When it comes to healing our body from trauma
and regulating our nervous system, we have an ally called the ventral vagus.
Accessing the health, growth, and restoration resources of the ventral vagus
system, we can support our personal growth. Deb Dana discusses how being firmly
grounded in our ventral vagus pathway can help our body to feel safe and our
social engagement system to come online. When the body feels safe and our
social engagement system is not overwhelmed with distressing sensations, it is
easier to connect with people, nature, our pets, ourselves, our spiritual path,
and the present moment. As explained earlier, the quality of our breathing can
influence our ANS and support ventral vagus activity. For example, slow
conscious breathing can increase the parasympathetic tone. That is why the
awareness of breath is an important practice to regulate the ANS. Also, since
the nervous system becomes what it senses, by meditating on pleasant sensations
of warmth, tenderness and aliveness, we can recruit ventral vagus activity, and
shape the nervous system not only toward safety and security, but also love. We
can become a container for love when we embody our pleasant sensations as we
notice a loving experience.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #843c0c; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Our sympathetic system (“stress response” or
“fight or flight response”) gets activated in response to danger. Many of us
who don’t feel safe in America are often in a state of sympathetic activation.
Ongoing sympathetic activation can be dangerous for our body due to increased
production of the stress hormone cortisol. Learning to turn our body into a
vessel of protection through regulating our ANS, we can be more effective in
pushing back against dark forces in America. Such dark forces are trying to
strip our civil liberties. We need more than ever to settle in our protective
container and connect to our sense of aliveness. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #843c0c; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">As mentioned earlier, there is a dark side to
our nervous system. The physiology behind it involves the dorsal vagus working
in partnership with fear. Dorsal vagus is another nervous system pathway that
when it works in partnership with the ventral vagus can help us among many
things, to pray, meditate, sleep, relax, and make love. When dorsal vagus is
activated with intense fear, it can throw the body into a freeze state. It is
difficult to become one’s own container and fight oppression when the body remains
in dorsal vagus shut down mode. This is one reason why healing from trauma can
contribute to our effort to protect our democracy.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #843c0c; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">The world in its current state needs more love.
The body can become the container for this love. Just like a watermelon has a
protective shell to house its sweetness, our body is home to the sweetness of
our soul. Inayat Khan described the body as “a garment of the soul.” This
garment needs our help to settle as our soul journey continues. Our body can help
deepen our relationship to our soul when we focus on love and kindness during
meditation. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #843c0c; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">With one nervous system at a time, we can learn
to release the effect of our unresolved trauma which often blocks our movement
toward wholeness and redeem our aliveness. Increased somatic awareness can help
people not stay frozen in oppressive political circumstances and march toward
liberation. As Nietzsche stated, “There is more wisdom in your body than in
your deepest philosophy.” This wisdom is real because “the body never lies.” <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: #990000;">For more
articles by <a href="https://drpayam.com/about_dr_payam">Dr. Payam</a>, please click on the following link: <a href="https://drpayam.com/articles_and_book">https://drpayam.com/articles_and_book</a></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: #660000;">© <a href="https://www.drpayam.com/">Dr. Payam Ghassemlou</a>
MFT, Ph.D. is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (Psychotherapist), in
private practice in West Hollywood, California.
<a href="http://www.drpayam.com/">www.DrPayam.com</a></span></span></div>
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<b></b><i></i><u></u><sub></sub><sup></sup><strike></strike><span style="color: #660000;"></span>Payam Ghassemlou SEP, MFT, Ph.D.http://www.blogger.com/profile/10828432930898392801noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8257319369481949518.post-9846789010951641032018-04-20T00:05:00.000-07:002020-12-10T11:33:20.656-08:00The Role of Trauma Therapists in the Dawning of the Age of Aquarius<br />
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">A
great change is upon humanity. The Age of </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Aquarius </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">which values social conscience combined with love and unity is replacing the
Piscean Age of dualism, hierarchy, and power. No one knows exactly when each
age begins or ends, but most experts seem to agree that humanity is in a very
important transition period. Unprecedented change and upheaval can happen when
Piscean values that have lasted for over two thousand years is taken down to
make room for a new world. Perhaps the COVID-19 pandemic with its devastating
impact on health and the economy is related to such a seismic shift.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">This
transition to a new age is gradual and has been in progress for a long time.
The world will become a better place once the transition is completed, and
humanity can celebrate the promises of the Aquarian Age. Such promises include
peace on Earth, end of poverty, love and kindness,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>pure <a href="https://somaticaliveness.blogspot.com/2020/01/breath-love-different-kind-of_1.html">spiritual awareness</a>, true democracy and
more. Some of these promises are happening now as humanity is racing to combat the coronavirus
with medical breakthroughs, along with caring for the sick and dying. The
sacrifices of the frontline medical personnel and many essential workers reflects
humanity’s<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>love and kindness. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Everyone
has a role to play in welcoming the new energy of the Aquarian Age. It involves
letting go of the illusion of materialism as the “secret” road toward fulfillment.
Instead, embracing cooperation and humanitarianism is a part of this evolution
of consciousness that is needed for this major change. Without a fundamental
shift in consciousness and spiritual evolution, humanity won’t be able to move
in the new direction. The pure spirituality associated with this new age is the
innate knowing of the<a href="https://somaticaliveness.blogspot.com/2019/09/body-awareness-on-spiritual-path_7.html"> Divine’s love</a> within one’s heart and not extreme
religious ideology. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">During
such a challenging transition, pure spiritual leaders, along with<a href="https://somaticaliveness.blogspot.com/2018/08/a-somatic-perspective-on-trauma-of_18.html"> trauma</a> therapists,
can play major roles in helping people. Spiritual leaders can<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>help humanity realize that this shift to a
new era can become less chaotic when people stop worshipping money and power as
their source of security. When the world economy is based on infinite expansion
which leads to the depletion of the Earth’s resources, suffering is inevitable.
Given the fact that<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>economic expansion has
resulted in replacing fish in the oceans with plastic,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>forests with urban housing, clean air with
pollution, and turning the ecosystem into a garbage bin, transformation to a new
age is necessary. Spiritual leaders need to remind everyone that an outdated
frame of reference to a past era won’t help<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>love the <a href="http://drpayam1.blogspot.com/2013/11/a-brief-reflection-on-climate-change.html">Earth</a> back to health. It is time to welcome the </span><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">dawning of the Age of Aquarius.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">“The
darkest hour is just before the dawn,” as humanity stands upon the cusp of the
Piscean-Aquarian Age. They need to be prepared for disruptions that can happen
before the completion of this major shift. As exciting as it sounds to move to
a different era that can open the world to the splendor of a new life, the
transformation might be intense and at times beyond<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>humanity’s “window of tolerance”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There might be more climate catastrophes,
pandemics, mass shootings, political chaos, terrorism, wars, xenophobia,
<a href="https://somaticaliveness.blogspot.com/2018/08/a-somatic-perspective-on-trauma-of_18.html">homophobia</a> and other ugly phenomena. To be aware of what is happening allows
everyone to prepare, and work in cooperation with this<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>energy of the new era. Crisis is not always
about danger but also the opportunity to transform. Trauma therapists are more
than ever needed to hold space and help people <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>recover from the intensity that is associated
with this major transformation. They can play a vital role as the universal
trauma holders and <a href="https://somaticaliveness.blogspot.com/2019/07/the-royal-road-to-nervous-system_7.html">healers</a>. Helping people to stay centered and grounded during
a crisis is among the contributions that healers of any kind can offer.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Those
of us who have spent decades helping traumatized people feel safe again know
that trauma is a fact of life. <a href="https://somaticaliveness.blogspot.com/2019/07/becoming-our-own-protective-container.html">Healing</a> from any kind of injuries involves
offering helpful <a href="https://somaticaliveness.blogspot.com/2020/04/resource-is-power-in-dealing-with-covid.html">resources</a> for those in need of treatment. Since it is easy to
feel helpless in the face of trauma, <a href="https://somaticaliveness.blogspot.com/2020/04/resource-is-power-in-dealing-with-covid.html">resource</a> is power. One of the most
accessible resources for anyone looking to grow, evolve, and/or heal beyond any
traumatic experience is working with the <a href="https://somaticaliveness.blogspot.com/2019/07/becoming-our-own-protective-container.html">body</a>, in particular the nervous
system. Healers who are trained to work with trauma can help people<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>become more resilient living in this
transitional time by teaching them how to find safety within their bodies. As a
recent example,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>a man who survived the
<a href="https://somaticaliveness.blogspot.com/2018/08/a-somatic-perspective-on-trauma-of_18.html">AIDS </a>crisis of the past century, and now recovering from a COVID-19 infection,
shared during the peak of his illness, there was an episode in which <a href="https://somaticaliveness.blogspot.com/2020/01/breath-love-different-kind-of_1.html">breathing</a>
became very difficult to the point he thought he was going to die. It was a
scary moment for him since he was living<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>alone at the time. He did not know if he was experiencing a panic
attack, difficulty breathing due to COVID-19, or both. He reported what helped
him<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>lessen the intensity of that
terrifying moment so that he could call 911 was hearing a “gentle voice” of his
<a href="https://somaticaliveness.blogspot.com/2020/01/breath-love-different-kind-of_1.html">therapist </a>inside him inviting him to notice his feet, hands, and the felt sense
of the support his body was experiencing lying on the bed. Perhaps, knowing how
to track his pleasant sensations initiated a physiological event that resulted
in helping him breathe a little easier until the paramedics arrived. How to
track his bodily sensations was an important resource which he described as a “lifesaver.”
Another woman, who was struggling with COVID-19,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>reported listening to calming music helped
her chest<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>feel less tight and began to
experience warm sensations flowing around her heart. <a href="https://somaticaliveness.blogspot.com/2019/07/becoming-our-own-protective-container.html">Tracking </a>her pleasant
sensations improved her mood and her physical symptoms. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">The
COVID-19 pandemic has triggered many people’s survival mechanisms, and their
nervous systems have become fixated in one or more processes. For some in a
high sympathetic tone (fight/ flight) that can involve being restless,
anxious, and for others in the state of dorsal
vagal response that might involve shutdown, freeze, and other acute
stress response. Body-inclusive therapy offers<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>techniques that can help people in distress<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>shift their autonomic state that is stuck on
FFF (fight/flight/freeze) toward safety and relaxation. Offering people
resources to lower activation and regulate their nervous system is an example
of the important roles trauma informed healers can play during the current pandemic
or any crisis. “Body-inclusive” therapy is one approach that healers can offer
people in distress to lower their activation and regulate the nervous system. There
are many different paths toward healing. One size does not fit all. A <a href="https://somaticaliveness.blogspot.com/2020/04/resource-is-power-in-dealing-with-covid.html">resource</a>
needs to be tailored to the needs of the individual.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">As
the planet goes through a turbulent transitional period paving the way to the
Aquarian Age, humanity can witness disastrous events, turmoil and other intense
experiences. The transition from the Age of Pisces to Aquarius might feel
like a traumatic birth that once endured will result in a glorious birth of a
new consciousness with universal<a href="https://somaticaliveness.blogspot.com/2018/05/vortex-of-love.html"> love</a> at its core<span style="background: white; color: black;">. </span><span style="background: white;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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© Dr. <a href="http://www.somaticaliveness.com/about_payam">Payam Ghassemlou</a> MFT, Ph.D.
is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (Psychotherapist), in private
practice in West Hollywood, California.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><a href="https://www.drpayam.com/"><span style="color: windowtext;">www.DrPayam.com</span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></a><a href="http://www.somaticaliveness.com/"><span style="color: windowtext;">www.SomaticAliveness.com</span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></a><o:p></o:p></div>
<br />Payam Ghassemlou SEP, MFT, Ph.D.http://www.blogger.com/profile/10828432930898392801noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8257319369481949518.post-40978632645435954752018-03-11T14:39:00.001-07:002019-07-14T13:07:55.907-07:00Healing Our Fragmented Rainbow <div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">As
a gay man who understands the importance of a supportive community, it saddens
me to realize how disconnected gay men are becoming from each other. The essence of gayness is love. We come out to love
freely, and yet many of us who broke free from living a closeted life and moved
to gay neighborhoods such as WEHO, Castro, or Chelsea are not finding a nurturing
connection under the rainbow flag. It is even worse for many gay men of color
who often feel marginalized within the community. The experience of being a minority
within a minority places them at higher risk for discrimination. When as a
community we don’t strive toward building a safer and more welcoming environment,
it fragments the rainbow of our unity.</span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Many
gay men that I have the privilege of <a href="http://drpayam1.blogspot.com/2016/11/personal-myth.html">listening</a> to reported feeling humiliated by
how they were rejected by other gay men. For example, a number of gay men who are
relying on apps such as Grindr, Scruff, or Tinder reported the rejection takes
on a more brutal level on those apps. The shame they experience is often a result
of being negatively judged about their looks, age or ethnicity. Such shaming
experiences make these men build walls and avoid connection. It is not uncommon
for these men to experience <a href="http://drpayam1.blogspot.com/2012/03/dealing-with-depression.html">depression</a>, <a href="http://drpayam1.blogspot.com/2011/01/lgbt-suicide-and-trauma-of-growing-up.html">suicidal ideations. </a>and health related
problems that not only stem from feeling estranged from the gay community, but
also growing up with homophobic mistreatment.</span></span><br />
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<span style="line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">For
many of us, growing up gay was painful due to <a href="http://drpayam1.blogspot.com/2011/02/homophobia-enemy-of-curiosity.html">homophobia</a>. Schools felt like a
scary place for those of us who were scapegoated as queer. As a community, we
have been very successful in addressing the trauma of growing up gay. Raising
awareness about the issue has helped many people become concerned about the mistreatment
of not only LGBTQ kids but also any youngsters who do not flow with the
mainstream. In addition to raising awareness, we have done a great deal of
activism to fight discrimination against LGBTQ people. However, I believe we can
do a better job with embracing diversity and creating solidarity among our
community members.</span></span><br />
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<span style="line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">As
human beings we are not meant to live an isolated life. The need for connection
through community involvement is healthy and necessary. When such a need does
not get fulfilled, it can lead to emotional pain. This pain coupled with a lack
of connection to a supportive community becomes a recipe for addictions. Working
in the gay community, I have learned the rate of addiction is higher among gay
men who experience a sense of isolation or exclusion. I also have noticed gay
men’s disconnection from one another leads to feelings of emptiness and apathy.
Such painful emotional experiences might also cause them to engage in thrill
seeking activities like <a href="http://drpayam1.blogspot.com/2008/03/sex-addiction.html">risky sex</a> or dangerous sports.</span></span><br />
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<span style="line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Gay
men who tend to blame their loneliness on how they look can spend a great deal
of money on cosmetic surgery and other unnecessary procedures. When it comes to
finding a friend or boyfriend, showing <a href="http://drpayam1.blogspot.com/2009/06/flame-of-love.html">love</a> and kindness provides a better
result. As a community, learning to <a href="http://drpayam1.blogspot.com/2016/07/gays-in-search-of-meaning_94.html">know ourselves</a> and working through the
emotional injuries that were inflicted on many of us while growing up can add
vitality to our struggle for equal rights and protect us from reenacting our
lonely childhood experiences. For some of us being bullied and rejected were the
norm. Since what is familiar tends to get repeated, many of us are at a higher
risk for unconsciously reenacting our painful past. Just like the rainbow that needs
sunshine and rain to be complete, we need to access our inner light to make our
wounds conscious and wash them away with healing tears that come from sharing
and having regard for our traumas. External changes such as marriage equality
or the repeal of the Don’t Ask Don’t Tell policy alone cannot heal us from the homophobic
mistreatment and rejection we received growing up.</span></span><br />
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<span style="line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #274e13; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">When I started practicing <a href="http://www.drpayam.com/gay_affirmative_counseling">psychotherapy</a> in the
gay community over twenty years ago, we did not have hook up or dating apps.
Since then, I have noticed a dramatic shift in not only how gay men relate to
each other but also people in general. We are given tools of technology without
the consciousness of knowing how to use them in service of embracing oneness.
This is a missed opportunity, and one of the reasons why so many gay men feel
disconnected from each other. The disconnection also comes from turning these
apps to a hunting ground. As human beings our ancestors were hunters. Having
sexual desire without the participation of our higher self to facilitate such
fulfilment can create such a hunting environment. This intense quest for
hooking up not only happens on apps but also at bars and clubs. Gay men need to
stop hunting each other and start loving each other. This issue of objectifying
one another on hook up sites is not just limited to gay men. Humanity in
general is creating a mess out of the tools of technology.</span></span><br />
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<span style="line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #274e13;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Some
gay men who attempt to meet others on apps or in person wear a persona that can
become a barrier toward building a real and healthy connection. Often such a persona
involves rejection of the anima (Jung's term for the feminine part of a man's
personality) and oppressing it with a fake “straight acting” masculinity. Many
gay men who as children were made to feel ashamed for being in touch with their
feminine side are more <a href="http://drpayam1.blogspot.com/2016/05/vulnerability-by-payamghassemlou-ph_42.html">vulnerable</a> in relying on such persona. They put pressure
on themselves to act extra masculine at the expense of being affectionate
and emotionally present. Without healthy integration of our masculinity and
femininity finding true love can be challenging. The feminine side of love desires
a nurturing relationship, and the masculine part helps to find and protect it. This
lack of partnership between the feminine and masculine side is not just limited
to some gay men. Many heterosexual men who were raised to deny their feminine
side also having difficulty with maintaining intimate connections. <span style="margin: 0px;"> </span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #009000; font-family: "arial";"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #274e13;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Rejection
by other gay people can hurt more than the rejection by homophobic politicians
and institutions. Not having a welcoming community can make the coming out
process very painful for those of us who need validation and support during it.
Given the negative health consequences of experiencing alienation, there is a
high price to pay for not embracing a more inclusive and welcoming gay
community. Our community leaders should bring more attention to the need for
building a more nurturing environment. As gay people, we are naturally creative
and industrious. We are often a small percentage of any population and yet our
societal contribution is enormous. I take a great deal of pride knowing not
only gays, but also our courageous lesbians, transgenders, bisexuals, and other
queer members of our community have always stood up for causes that make this
world a better place. In such a short time, we achieved a great deal of civil
rights, faster than any other oppressed groups in this country. Triumphs like
taking care of our dying people during the AIDS crisis when the Reagan
administration turned its back on us and how far we have come in our struggle
for equal rights are truly a reflection of how courageous we are. Given the
fact that we know how to make changes quickly and effectively, it is time we
put more effort into our own backyard and take a better care of each other.
Somewhere over the rainbow as Rumi puts it, “beyond the ideas of wrongdoing and
right doing there is a field” where we can connect through love. Somewhere over
the rainbow, as a community, <span style="margin: 0px; text-decoration: none;">we can make
<a href="http://drpayam1.blogspot.com/2017/03/when-need-for-connection-trumps_28.html">authentic connections. </a>We can be more empathic toward each other’s pain of
loneliness, and we can embrace our true gay essence.</span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">For more
articles by Dr. Payam, please click on the following link:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><a href="https://drpayam.com/articles_and_book">https://drpayam.com/articles_and_book</a></span><br />
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<a href="https://drpayam1.blogspot.com/2018/03/healing-our-fragmented-rainbow.html"><img border="0" data-original-height="468" data-original-width="623" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZBXwZZnmvmVpseJRAc9rzLWbpZBHut31V7maY0xvMo1iU0YB9oiM7dOXe9UVNOLo-Sc4qxBJxn0NaquxP8zZZ9cs6Mpnc4CqAUDM6iLtD2vftQ8fAgy_7Fk9KUldYNZ4nJHQXPSrcw2d8/s640/Rainbowsmall.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;"></span><span style="line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #274e13;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">©
<a href="http://www.drpayam.com/about_dr_payam">Payam Ghassemlou MFT Ph.D</a>. is a writer and a licensed Marriage and Family
Therapist (<a href="http://www.drpayam.com/home">Psychotherapis</a>t) in private practice in West Hollywood, California.
<a href="http://www.drpayam.com/">www.DrPayam.Com</a></span></span></span></div>
<u><span style="color: #000120;"></span></u><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span><br />Payam Ghassemlou SEP, MFT, Ph.D.http://www.blogger.com/profile/10828432930898392801noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8257319369481949518.post-26993087944303861252017-03-28T22:11:00.001-07:002019-07-14T13:09:07.121-07:00When the Need for Connection Trumps Authenticity<a href="http://drpayam1.blogspot.com/2017/03/when-need-for-connection-trumps_28.html"></a><span style="color: #4c1130;"></span><br />
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<span style="color: #4c1130; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;">As
a baby, you were an authentic being. Your laughter and tears were real. You
were also helpless and depended on your caregivers for survival. Your
caregivers had an important role in helping you feel securely connected to and
loved by them. The depth and genuineness of your current connection with others
stems from how successfully your caregivers managed their role as an attachment
figure. This complex interplay between the quality of attachment formed between
a child and a caregiver and one’s current ability to form significant
connections with others has been discussed extensively by many experts in psychology,
including Dr. Gabor Mate. In one of his talks, Mate has discussed how the need
for attachment can trump authenticity. When as a small child, your survival
depended on your caregivers, you were more likely to do whatever it took to
stay connected to them even if it meant hiding your true feelings. For example,
if your caregivers did not approve of your genuine expressions of anger or sadness,
most likely you hid them in favor of pleasing or staying connected to your
caregivers. In other words, for the sake of survival you had to choose
attachment over authenticity. </span></div>
<span style="color: #4c1130;"></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #4c1130;">The
impasse of being real versus the need for survival continues into adolescence
and creates a unique challenge for gay youth and others who did not flow with
the mainstream. As a</span><a href="http://drpayam1.blogspot.com/2011/01/lgbt-suicide-and-trauma-of-growing-up.html"><span style="color: #4c1130;"> LGBTQ</span></a><span style="color: #4c1130;"> youngster, if you felt unsafe to express your real
essence, you probably had to create a fake or “straight acting” identity to
protect yourself from homophobic mistreatment. The need to hide contributed to
the dilemma of choosing survival over authenticity. It is important to have
empathy for your struggle of growing up in a heterosexist and </span><a href="http://drpayam1.blogspot.com/2011/02/homophobia-enemy-of-curiosity.html"><span style="color: #4c1130;">homophobic</span></a><span style="color: #4c1130;">
environment that made it scary for you to express your true essence. It is
important for many </span><a href="http://drpayam1.blogspot.com/2011/01/lgbt-suicide-and-trauma-of-growing-up.html"><span style="color: #4c1130;">LGBTQ</span></a><span style="color: #4c1130;"> people to learn how to honor their true essence and
work on </span><a href="http://drpayam1.blogspot.com/2016/05/gay-enlightenment_29.html"><span style="color: #4c1130;">healing</span></a><span style="color: #4c1130;"> years of oppressive homophobic mistreatment. The price of not
individuating is summed up by a quote by Oscar Wilde, "Most people are
other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a
mimicry, their passions a quotation." </span></span></div>
<span style="color: #4c1130;"></span><br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 11px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #4c1130; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;">Being
real and authentic can be a struggle if you spent most of your childhood
finding expression of authenticity as a threat to your survival. What helped
you to survive as a child may not serve you today. Relying on the old survival
mechanism of pleasing others has become a barrier to be fully present in your
significant relationships with others. The process of letting go of such a
survival mechanism in favor of honoring your true self involves psychological
labor of reaching out to your younger self. The inner child is the part of you
that was forced to hide and not show his or her genuine feelings. This part of
you needs help to connect with others without the mask of pretending or people
pleasing. </span></div>
<span style="color: #4c1130;"></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #4c1130;">In
summary, since your ability to be authentic with yourself and others has a lot
to do with how you were treated growing up, it makes sense to </span><a href="http://drpayam1.blogspot.com/2016/11/personal-myth.html"><span style="color: #4c1130;">examine</span></a><span style="color: #4c1130;"> how your
past impacts your life today. </span><a href="http://www.drpayam.com/gay_affirmative_counseling"><span style="color: #4c1130;">Psychotherapy</span></a><span style="color: #4c1130;"> can help you not only to heal from
childhood mistreatment that can hinder building healthy relationships with
others, but also other major life events that contributes to such problems.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #4c1130;"><br /></span></span>
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</span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #4c1130;"><div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: #741b47;">For more
articles by Dr. Payam, please click on the following link: <a href="https://drpayam.com/articles_and_book">https://drpayam.com/articles_and_book</a></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #4c1130;">© </span><a href="http://www.drpayam.com/home"><span style="color: #4c1130;">PayamGhassemlou MFT Ph.D</span></a><span style="color: #4c1130;">. is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist
(Psychotherapist) in private practice in West Hollywood, California.
</span><a href="http://www.drpayam.com/"><span style="color: #4c1130;">www.DrPayam.Com</span></a></span></span></div>
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<b></b><i></i><u></u><sub></sub><sup></sup><strike></strike>Payam Ghassemlou SEP, MFT, Ph.D.http://www.blogger.com/profile/10828432930898392801noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8257319369481949518.post-71589659774795835452017-01-23T22:31:00.000-08:002019-07-15T20:08:34.634-07:00Personal Myth<br />
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;">For over twenty years, I have been listening to life stories
of many incredible people. It is part of my job.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>Many people might think I am listening to
their problems, but I hear stories. People who come to me are brave
storytellers. It is a privilege to hear a personal mythology that has never
been shared before. There are times when someone’s story is a mixture of broken
pieces of tragedies and losses. No matter how fragmented and tragic a person’s
story, I know there is a hero somewhere in it, waiting to be validated. I view psychotherapy
as a place of storytelling where a fragmented tale can be weaved into a hero’s
journey, and help people feel proud of their resiliency and courage to survive.
This is how people become mythical beings. Often the emotional wounds begin to
heal once the personal narrative finds a voice.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;"></span><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;">Sometimes the stories are forgotten, or filled with emotional
intensity that is too painful to share. It is not easy to share narratives that
have been captive by fear and shame in the dark corner of one’s memory. I
empathized with how hard it must be to liberate a personal story that is filled
with tragedies. Perhaps, the story was shared once before, and the storyteller
did not receive the empathy she or he deserved. With the help of a <a href="http://drpayam1.blogspot.com/2008/04/sharing-and-listening-have-you-ever-had.html">caring listener</a>, private life stories can see the light of consciousness. Sometimes a
person’s sense of wellbeing depends on transforming painful untold stories into
to <a href="http://drpayam1.blogspot.com/2016/05/vulnerability-by-payamghassemlou-ph_42.html">healing</a> narratives. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;">What happens to those banned stories that don’t break away
from the basement of one’s repression? It is not uncommon for emotionally
injurious life events to get pushed out of the realm of awareness. But they do
find a back door to escape. Those forbidden tales find expression through
reenactment which is unconscious compulsion to repeat the <a href="http://drpayam1.blogspot.com/2012/10/invisible-wounds-by-payam-ghassemlou.html">traumatic</a> past. I
sometimes notice an unhealthy pattern of behaviors in people’s lives correlates
with their unexamined past histories.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>Once
the tale of mistreatment is empathized with, reflected upon, and understood, it
often leads to insight and behavioral change. People do not have to recreate
their history of mistreatment. It is hopeful to know that illuminating
significant life events to gain insight, and find meaning in them can be a
liberating experience. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;">There are times that one’s personal story is filled with so
many atrocities that <a href="http://drpayam1.blogspot.com/2013/11/trauma-healing.html">sharing</a> them can feel re-traumatizing. Sharing one’s
traumatic tale needs to be done with the help of a trained<a href="http://www.drpayam.com/about_dr_payam"> counselor</a>. It takes
special clinical skills to help someone not only find a channel to release the
untold story but reveal the truth of what one endured. During one’s
<a href="http://www.drpayam.com/home">psychotherapy</a> process, the untold or forgotten personal story can be conveyed through
dream analysis, bodily sensations (somatic psychotherapy), dance movements,
psychodrama, drawings, sand tray images, paintings, journaling, and other
channels of expression. We are living in an exciting time in which healing counseling
tools are available to people. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;">Not all personal stories involve devastation. Life stories
that involve joy, accomplishments, and overcoming obstacles need to be embraced
as well. Such uplifting legends can be life affirming and lead to feelings of
gratitude. Having a balanced view on life experiences can add harmony to one’s
life. We all carry special stories that once acknowledged and understood can
add meaning to our lives and inspire others. Everyone deserves to be heard and
deeply understood. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">For more
articles by Dr. Payam, please click on the following link:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><a href="https://drpayam.com/articles_and_book">https://drpayam.com/articles_and_book</a></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">© <a href="http://drpayam.com/">PayamGhassemlou</a> MFT Ph.D. is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist
(Psychotherapist) in private practice in West Hollywood, California. <a href="http://www.drpayam.com/">www.DrPayam.com</a></span></span></div>
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<b></b><i></i><u></u><sub></sub><sup></sup><strike></strike>Payam Ghassemlou SEP, MFT, Ph.D.http://www.blogger.com/profile/10828432930898392801noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8257319369481949518.post-39845870568955483062016-12-31T21:53:00.000-08:002019-10-20T19:27:35.421-07:00Goal Oriented Psychotherapy Practice<br />
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;"><span style="color: black;">Goal Oriented Psychotherapy Practice</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;"><span style="color: black;">By</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;"><a href="http://drpayam.com/"><span style="color: black;">Payam Ghassemlou Ph.D.</span></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;"><span style="color: black;">There are number of ways to conduct psychotherapy sessions
that can be helpful in meeting the client’s needs and matches the therapist’s
style. A goal oriented psychotherapy practice which utilizes a goal setting
method is one way to practice psychotherapy. This is a collaborative process that
clarifies what the client would like to accomplish during his or her
psychotherapy process. Goal setting also helps with constructing a vision of life
as it relates to each person’s unique circumstances. Some goals relate to the betterment
of one’s external life such as career, finances, education, relationship, and health.
Other goals can be about exploring one’s inner world and working toward inner balance,
deepening the relationship with the Self, accessing one’s creativity, healing
from trauma, and improving mood. These are small examples of common goals
clients bring to their psychotherapist which can add clarity to the process.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: black;"> </span></span><span style="color: black;">In general, working on
establishing decisive goals for one’s life can help increase motivation and
avoid getting lost. People often feel more motivated in life when they have a
sense of purpose, and goal setting can give them such a sense. In addition to
helping with motivation, goal setting can improve self-confidence. It affirms
the fact that one’s life is worthy to have goals, and the attainment of them helps
believing in oneself. I find it extremely rewarding when my clients express joy
for progressing toward their goals or attaining them.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;"><span style="color: black;">Writing down goals in positive language, practicing patience
in achieving them, and keeping them manageable for the client are part of the
goal setting process. Establishing goals in an affirmative manner can help
generate positive emotion to support their attainment. Also, while practicing
patience avoids unrealistic expectations in attainment of one’s goals, the
process needs to be time-bound. Since every client’s circumstances are unique, it
is important to respect people’s time table while collaborating with them in
creating target dates. Moreover, goals need to be manageable to avoid making
the client feel overwhelmed. The more specific the goal the more manageable it
becomes. In some cases, it is important to help the client prioritize their
objectives and work on one goal at the time. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;"><span style="color: black;">Therapists can help clients feel less alone in achieving
their goals. This can be done by working with them to identify resources in
their lives and in their communities. I often find it helpful to provide a list
of community resources to clients who have difficulty obtaining them. For
example, a client who is unemployed and can’t afford accessing the internet
might find it useful to know about the free internet access at the West Hollywood
library. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;"><span style="color: black;">Finally, those individuals who have difficulty setting
decisive goals can benefit from depth oriented psychotherapy which tends to
look for unconscious elements that can get in the way of having a clear
direction in life. I find helping people to understand their life challenges on
a deeper level very useful. No one deserves to feel shame for his or her
difficulty in establishing clear goals and having empathy for such struggle is
essential. When it comes to practicing psychotherapy, one size does not fit all.
Therapists can be flexible in offering modalities that meet the client where
they are. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">For more
articles by Dr. Payam, please click on the following link:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><a href="https://drpayam.com/articles_and_book">https://drpayam.com/articles_and_book</a></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;"><span style="color: black;">© </span><a href="http://drpayam.com/"><span style="color: black;">PayamGhassemlou MFT Ph.D.</span></a><span style="color: black;"> is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist
(Psychotherapist) in private practice in West Hollywood, California.
</span><a href="http://www.drpayam.com/"><span style="color: black;">www.DrPayam.Com</span></a></span><br />
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<b></b><i></i><u></u><sub></sub><sup></sup><strike></strike><span style="color: black;"></span>Payam Ghassemlou SEP, MFT, Ph.D.http://www.blogger.com/profile/10828432930898392801noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8257319369481949518.post-73275458891947724902016-09-25T21:47:00.000-07:002019-07-14T13:12:11.093-07:00Boredom from a Gay Perspective<br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"><a href="http://www.drpayam.com/">Payam Ghassemlou</a> Ph.D.<o:p></o:p></span></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">Gay people are naturally
creative and industrious. They are often a small percentage of any population
and yet their societal contribution is enormous. I take a great deal of pride
knowing not only gays, but also our courageous lesbians, transgenders, bisexuals,
and queer members of our community have always stood up for causes that make
this world a better place. This short article mostly focuses on gay men and the
issue of boredom. Many points being made here do apply to lesbians,
transgenders, bisexuals, and queers as well.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">Despite growing up gay in a
<a href="http://drpayam1.blogspot.com/2011/01/lgbt-suicide-and-trauma-of-growing-up.html">homophobic</a> world which can discourage artistic expression, gay people’s
creative spirit continues to shine. Given their rich imagination, the
experience of chronic boredom and a sense of inertia is contrary to a gay
person’s true essence. Whether boredom is momentary or a long lasting
experience, it stops people from living a full life. In order to deal with
boredom, it is important to understand and learn how to transform it. Examining
and understanding your emotions is an opportunity for personal growth. One of
the places to examine your emotions as a pathway toward knowing yourself is in
a therapeutic setting with a licensed psychotherapist. Working with emotions
can be intense, and you need a trained professional to help you navigate
through the sea of emotions. In my work as a <a href="http://www.drpayam.com/home">psychotherapist</a> (licensed MFT), I
work collaboratively with my clients. I explore their somatic experiences,
feelings, and thoughts in order to support them on their journey of
<a href="http://drpayam1.blogspot.com/2016/06/journey-toward-self-discovery.html">self-discovery</a> to alleviate their boredom. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">What is boredom? From a psychological
perspective boredom is an emotion, and like any emotion, it can carry important
information and messages about your current needs and sometimes unmet needs
from the past. It can also reveal something about your current state of mind
which becomes an opportunity for deeper analysis. People who are bored often
experience life as monotonous. Sometimes boredom can accompany another emotion
such as frustration or a feeling of emptiness. When a person gets overwhelmed
by ongoing feelings of boredom he can asks himself, “What is boredom trying to
reveal to me about my relationship to my psyche, my soul, and the world around
me?” or “How can boredom become an opportunity to add <a href="http://drpayam1.blogspot.com/2016/07/gays-in-search-of-meaning_94.html">meaning</a> and purpose to my
life?” The answers to these questions require personal reflection which can
become a doorway to a deeper connection to oneself. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">An important approach toward understanding
boredom needs to involve evaluating your relationship to your sense of
curiosity. Curiosity is an emotion that plays a vital role in motivating you to
show interest in yourself and the world around you. When fully in effect,
curiosity can neutralize your sense of boredom and help you to passionately
engage with the mystery of life. When curiosity is embraced, boredom
disappears. </span></div>
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</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">When you show curiosity toward
your experience of boredom, you are less dominated by it. In general, becoming <a href="http://drpayam1.blogspot.com/2012/05/mindfulness-for-lgbt-people.html">curiously</a>
conscious of your emotions help you to be less controlled by them. By becoming
aware of any particular feelings in the moment, you can choose to either embrace
the emotion and fully experience it or let it go. “Empathic witnessing” of an
emotion such as boredom in the moment without judgment gives you more choices on
how to deal with your emotions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">Sometimes boredom, like a
habit, stays with people and it takes willpower to try to change it. Your
willpower can be used as a determination muscle to focus on making positive
changes in your inner and outer life. You can use your willpower to direct your
attention away from boredom and use your curiosity to explore uplifting
experiences. For example, when feeling bored you can make an effort to get out
of your “comfort zone” and explore healthy activities that you never tried
before. Eventually, being curious becomes a personal habit that replaces
boredom and enriches your life.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">It is important to note that embracing
<a href="http://drpayam1.blogspot.com/2011/02/homophobia-enemy-of-curiosity.html">curiosity</a> might be challenging for many gay people because of a homophobic
upbringing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Many gay individuals as a
youngster felt too ashamed to show curiosity toward their homoerotic feelings
which caused them to find curiosity too threatening to embrace. The habit of
embracing curiosity needs to take place at a young age with support of caring
adults. The absence of such support makes curiosity less accessible and
difficult to embrace. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">As you engage with your boredom through your
curiosity, you can notice where in your body you sense your boredom. Locating
bodily sensations that correspond to how you feel in the moment is another
important way of managing your emotions.</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">I often hear clients
share with me about experiencing boredom as a sense of dread and emptiness in
their chest area. Individuals that I work with in a therapeutic setting often
find it helpful when I invite them to curiously scan their bodies and look for
sensations of strength. Focusing on a sensation of strength anywhere in their
bodies which might include places like the upper arms or legs can lessen their
sense of inertia. For others who can’t notice any sensation of strength, they might
benefit from making a pleasant or neutral sensation as their focus. For example,
neutral or pleasant sensations can be experienced by inviting clients to notice
the support of their upper back against the couch. In general, tracking the neutral
or pleasant sensations in your body can add harmony and balance to your inner
world. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">Your curiosity can also be directed
toward examining your thinking patterns and belief system. You might discover a
link between your beliefs, thoughts and boredom. Many gay people were raised to
believe that they were sinners for their same sex attraction. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As such, they have developed a belief system that
does not leave much room for feeling deserving of happiness. Thought patterns
based on such a negative core belief system can lead to a life void of joy and
pleasure. By using the muscle of determination with an attitude of empathy and
kindness, we all can change our negative beliefs and thinking. By developing a
belief system based on love and acceptance of ourselves, we can feel deserving
of joy and vitality instead of boredom and inertia. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">From a spiritual perspective,
chronic boredom might reveal a lack of relationship to one’s soul and the soul
of the world (Anima Mundi). Given that gay history has been often intertwined
with shamanism and mysticism, getting bored and living a dull life reveals
disconnection from one’s <a href="http://drpayam1.blogspot.com/2011/12/deeply-gay.html">gay</a> essence. From a spiritual perspective, the remedies
for such condition can involve not only connecting to one’s gay soul but also connecting
to a sacred place within one’s heart through meditation and other spiritual practices
that correspond to one’s chosen path. Recognizing a divine spark within one’s
heart can be enough to transform boredom and sense of emptiness to feeling of
aliveness.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">Boredom affects everyone, and it
becomes a reason for concern when it turns to an ongoing psychological state.
Boredom like any challenging emotion can become an opportunity for deep psychological
work. Don’t hesitate to reach out and ask for help when boredom turns to a
painful psychological state.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">For more
articles by Dr. Payam, please click on the following link:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><a href="https://drpayam.com/articles_and_book">https://drpayam.com/articles_and_book</a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">© Payam Ghassemlou MFT Ph.D. is a
licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (Psychotherapist) in private practice in
West Hollywood, California. </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"><a href="http://www.drpayam.com/">www.DrPayam.Com<o:p></o:p></a></span></div>
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Payam Ghassemlou SEP, MFT, Ph.D.http://www.blogger.com/profile/10828432930898392801noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8257319369481949518.post-47975619212715675212016-07-02T13:08:00.007-07:002022-01-28T19:25:12.242-08:00Gays in Search of Meaning<div><br /></div><div><br /></div><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://www.drpayam.com/" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="640" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEigGHrUFHv8DB4vXUQ3wGqyHXE8IUQ7WV7-J68P006ZpP-fBG9I2P4jHWwwJ-xjUY_CmVYXNomHoSOdonIMfinOgMfNgGjrMAz7V5koZtLsKK3PSZCIamBO2clP9WL9rHJVwQR3t6LY-QoWWT0BRv7PNWxXzEY5p5vHUYGmv4Rn4Na90CfLEXA5fxK_6w=w400-h300" width="400" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div>
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<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">By</span></div>
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<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"><a href="http://www.drpayam.com/about_dr_payam">Payam Ghassemlou Ph.D.</a></span></div>
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<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 12pt;">Many gay people are acknowledging
a need for a more meaningful way of living to avoid a motionless and
purposeless existence. Lack of depth and meaning has caused many gay people to experience
feelings of boredom and emptiness. Such feelings have forced many to look for
something outside of themselves in order to feel content. Some indulge in drug
use, excessive drinking, or brief romantic <a href="http://drpayam1.blogspot.com/2008/03/sex-addiction.html">affairs</a>, while others might engage
in excessive shopping, traveling, or overeating in order to cope with their
negative emotional states. Even though such activities might feel pleasurable and
provide a momentary sense of euphoria, they do not lead to a real experience of
vitality and aliveness. There is a different kind of intoxication that involves
the experience of the soul. Such experience is beyond the ego’s need for cheap
thrills. By embracing what is inherently sacred about our <a href="http://drpayam1.blogspot.com/2016/05/gay-enlightenment_29.html">gayness</a>, we can start
to live a <a href="http://drpayam1.blogspot.com/2016/05/vulnerability-by-payamghassemlou-ph_42.html">soulful</a> life.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 12pt;">While we, as a community, fight against discrimination and
progress toward equality, we need to take time to embrace the numinous
qualities inherent in being gay. We need to honor the spirit that exists within
our gay souls. For the most part, our current culture places a great deal of
emphasis on maximizing one’s pleasure through consumerism and minimizing one’s
need for a deeper purpose in life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Couple that with internalized <a href="http://drpayam1.blogspot.com/2011/01/lgbt-suicide-and-trauma-of-growing-up.html">homophobia</a>, which prevents gay people from
gaining a deeper understanding of gayness. Internalized <a href="http://drpayam1.blogspot.com/2011/01/lgbt-suicide-and-trauma-of-growing-up.html">homophobia</a> is the
internalization of shame that many gay people have been forced to experience
growing up in a heterosexist society. By working through this internalized homophobia,
a path toward an understanding of the deeper meaning of gayness can become more
accessible. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 12pt;">The essence of being gay is<a href="http://drpayam1.blogspot.com/2011/12/deeply-gay.html"> love</a>. We </span><span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 12pt;">come out in order to love freely. Many gay people
experience <a href="http://drpayam1.blogspot.com/2011/12/deeply-gay.html">love</a> in the form of romantic relationships. A conscious
participation in a romantic relationship—which includes working
through what we project onto each other—can serve as preparation for
a different experience of love. Beneath our gay love affairs, there is an
empty space waiting to be ignited with mystical love, waiting to be known for
the sake of a deeper love affair—the kind of love affair that takes place at
the level of the soul. This is expressed in one of Rumi’s poems:</span></div>
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<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“The minute I heard my
first love story,</span></div>
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<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 12pt;">I started looking for you, not knowing how blind that was. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 12pt;">Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere,</span></div>
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<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 12pt;">they’re in each other all along.”</span></div>
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<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 12pt;">A love that begins in a romantic relationship needs wings to fly
beyond the field of personal connections and into the realm of the
transpersonal. We help such love to grow wings by attending to our inner garden
and weeding out toxic shame. The more we embrace our gayness with a sense of pride,
the more room we can make to love and approve of ourselves.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 12pt;">On our<a href="http://drpayam1.blogspot.com/2016/06/journey-toward-self-discovery.html"> journey</a> inward toward our true essence, we need to deal
with the mind. Our mind can be like a wild horse that, through meditation, needs
to be tamed and taught to bow down to our heart. The heart is where the flowers
of Divine love bloom and the fragrance of such love fills our inner emptiness. </span><span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 12pt;">We can
connect with the sacred place in our heart by gently closing our eyes and
concentrating on anything in the universe that helps to generate feelings of
love in our heart. Neuroscience tells us w</span><span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 12pt;">hatever we focus on becomes our reality. In other words, “You
energize anything that you give your attention to.” So why not energize the
feelings of love in your heart? This is how we can embrace our true essence and
add more love to the world. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 12pt;">Humanity is facing difficult choices pertaining to our future survival
on the planet. Given the threats of <a href="http://drpayam1.blogspot.com/2013/11/a-brief-reflection-on-climate-change.html">climate</a> change, war, poverty, racism,
homophobia, and mass shootings, we as gay people more than ever need to
participate in the healing of the world. </span><span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 12pt;">We can make a difference. Triumphs
like the way we took care of our dying people during the AIDS crisis when the
Reagan administration turned its back on us and how far we have come in our
struggle for equal rights are truly a reflection of how courageous we are as a
community. Our courage can continue, and we can advocate for issues that can
make this world a better place. </span><span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 12pt;">By honoring our gayness and letting it become a strong
foundation to stand on, we can “love the world back to health.” Our involvement
in helping the world can also add meaning and purpose to our own individual
lives.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 12pt;">By focusing on the love in our heart and cultivating an awareness
of the world soul (Anima Mundi), we can trigger an awakening of healing energy
that could transform our current civilization. LGBT people are only a small
percentage of the population, but our contributions to helping solve our
current global problems can be enormous. When we connect our gay soul with the
soul of the world, not only do we start tapping into a deeper purpose for our
existence, but we also begin to experience the oneness of life.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: #674ea7;">For more
articles by <a href="https://drpayam.com/about_dr_payam">Dr. Payam</a>, please click on the following link: <a href="https://drpayam.com/articles_and_book">https://drpayam.com/articles_and_book</a></span><span style="color: purple;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<a href="http://drpayam1.blogspot.com/2016/07/gays-in-search-of-meaning_94.html"><img alt="http://drpayam1.blogspot.com/2016/07/gays-in-search-of-meaning_94.html" border="0" height="297" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgoyauCta6w74AhRvQ0BOcH_jzFOKLWwPsy4pypp8f6nWjLPVD3zA9PmDqNqEyO9V6Y2PicDWfxjGPsdgwx4KSB0wpT8gGB_YcWDCY9bWR5pymwyfVPh_If4uOUoR4OwCP3QhYDb5Raf6OM/s400/Love21.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 12pt;"><em><span face=""arial" , sans-serif" style="background: white; color: #595959; font-size: 10pt;">© </span></em><span face=""arial" , sans-serif" style="color: #595959; font-size: 10pt;">Dr. Payam Ghassemlou MFT, Ph.D. is a Licensed Marriage
and Family Therapist (Psychotherapist), in private practice in West Hollywood,
California. </span><span style="color: #595959; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #595959; mso-style-textfill-fill-colortransforms: "lumm=65000 lumo=35000"; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-themecolor: text1; mso-themetint: 166;"><a href="http://www.drpayam.com/"><span face=""arial" , sans-serif" style="color: #595959; font-size: 10pt;">www.DrPayam.com</span></a></span></span></div>
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<b></b><i></i><u></u><sub></sub><sup></sup><strike></strike><br />Payam Ghassemlou SEP, MFT, Ph.D.http://www.blogger.com/profile/10828432930898392801noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8257319369481949518.post-45011368413714468752016-06-28T22:12:00.001-07:002019-07-14T13:14:18.796-07:00Journey Toward Self-Discovery<br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;"><a href="http://drpayam1.blogspot.com/2016/06/journey-toward-self-discovery.html"><span style="color: #351c75;">Journey Toward Self-Discovery</span></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;"><a href="http://www.drpayam.com/about_dr_payam"><span style="color: #351c75;">By Payam Ghassemlou Ph.D.</span></a></span></div>
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<span style="color: #1f4e79; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;">In the cycle of our everyday lives, we are busy taking care of our
needs like shelter, food, safety, emotional support, health care, human
connection, and many other basics. Many years of our lives can be devoted to
meeting goals like graduating from college, getting married, buying a house,
rearing children, having a successful career, and staying healthy. This cycle
of everyday life, our daily routine, is the plane of existence that most people
are familiar with. It is the outermost circle enclosing the inner circles in
the continuity of existence. People who are not awake to anything beyond such
day-to-day existence can let life happen to them as if they are in a trance. To
be in the trance is to live life in such a way that one is completely
identified with her or his social role and status. This kind of
over-identification can prevent people from living an authentic life and going
beyond the mundane. It can also lead to a life devoid of depth and meaning.</span></div>
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</div>
<br />
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<span style="color: #1f4e79; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;">Life in a trance gets shaken up when an unexpected loss happens. For
example, a number of individuals who lost their high profile jobs in the recent
US economic recession became seriously depressed. Since they completely relied
on external circumstances like wealth, privilege, and class to define their
personal identity, the humiliation of losing this status made them feel
worthless.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 11px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #1f4e79; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 11px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #1f4e79; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;">Most people want to live a prosperous life, and the pathway to
successful life is often presented to them as a ladder to climb. In
fact, a pathway to success is not a ladder to climb, but a circular
journey toward the core of one’s true essence. We can embark on this
journey of self-discovery through deeper psychological and spiritual work,
which will enable us to experience the numinous in everyday life and transform
our challenges into the gold of consciousness. When we work on knowing
ourselves and bringing this consciousness to our day-to-day living, we are
transforming our lives. We no longer obsessed with our personal goals, and we
can develop a deeper understanding of the meaning of success.</span></div>
<br />
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</div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 11px; text-align: justify;">
</div>
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</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #1f4e79; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;">One need not abandon the business of navigating the cycle of
everyday life in order to participate in the journey of self-discovery, but we
need to navigate with a quality of consciousness that not only helps fulfill
our responsibilities, but also get closer to our “True Essence.” There is
nothing wrong with making money and enjoying the fruits of our labors—as long
as we are not doing it for the purpose of covering up our inferior feelings or
falling into a trance of over-identification with status.</span></div>
<br />
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #1f4e79; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;">As stated earlier, on the journey of self-discovery, the
progression into the core of the circle, our True Essence, is a circular
motion, not a ladder. We go around and around the circle of existence, and we
can get stuck in one track if we don’t do the inner work of understanding
ourselves. It is like walking a labyrinth only a short ways and staying on the
periphery, not going to the middle to receive the spiritual and psychological
gifts on offer there. To move to the next track and journey toward the core of
the circle, we must make a commitment to knowing ourselves. Each moment of
growth and insight can help us journey closer. The more evolved we become, the
closer we get to the truth of who we really are.</span></div>
<br />
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<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 11px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #1f4e79; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;">To know ourselves, we need to encounter the unconscious. Having a
guide in this process is essential. We need support when attempting to
understand what we might encounter. There are parts of us of which we are not
completely conscious. We could think of them as layers of our personality that
impact our interaction with ourselves and the world. How these layers impact us
depends on our relationship with them. Progress toward our True Essence is
difficult if we don’t have a conscious relationship with different parts of
ourselves. Also, working with the unconscious is important, since within our
unconscious resides creative potential and the answers to many of our life’s
mysteries.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 11px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #1f4e79; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;">Writing is one of the simple yet valuable tools we can use for
self-discovery and to build relationships with different aspects of our
personality. I find it very helpful to write in my journal about the way I
handled certain life challenges without being hard on myself. Journaling helps
me learn more about myself and become more aware. Also, journaling can be a
place where we record our dreams. In working with our unconscious, we are
helped by paying attention to the images that manifest in our dreams. By
analyzing our dreams with the help of a trained person, we can learn about the
content of our unconscious.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 11px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #1f4e79; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 11px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #1f4e79; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;">On our journey toward our True Essence, we need to develop a
quality of attention that focuses on the present moment, despite all
distractions. One way we develop such presence is by paying attention to our
breathing. Awareness of breath is a simple practice that helps us to be in the
moment and develop a deeper relationship with ourselves. We can also bring our
awareness to the present moment by paying attention to our bodily sensations.
For example, sitting on my office chair, I can notice the comfortable
experience of having my back supported by the chair. Such a sensation of
comfort can only be noticed in the present moment.</span></div>
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</div>
<br />
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<span style="color: #1f4e79; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;">Reflecting on our life experiences and discovering their meaning
not only gives our lives a sense of purpose but also enriches our life journey.
The journey of knowing oneself is a very personal experience for each traveler.
The goal is to have an ongoing connection to our True Essence. Everyone can
find her or his own unique approach to a meaningful existence. My initiation to
this journey happened at a young age with the realization that my sexuality
made me different. My attempt to understand the meaning and purpose of my
gayness pushed me out of the collective into a journey of self-reflection and
self-understanding. At the same time, this journey empowered me to stand up to
homophobia. For others, this change can happen when they turn losses and
tragedies into transcendent experiences and, as a result, become evolved human
beings.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #1f4e79; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 11px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #1f4e79; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;">Connection to our True Essence is not the end of the journey. It
can be a doorway to an even stronger, more conscious connection to something
greater than ourselves. It can be imagined as a drop of water merging with an
Ocean, wherein one can experience Oneness. Each traveler can experience her or
his unique merger with the Ocean of Oneness. There is no end to the journey of
knowing oneself for the sake of forging a union with a power greater than
oneself. The path is infinite, and it starts with a willingness to wake up,
depart from the periphery, and step inside.</span></div>
<b></b><i></i><u></u><sub></sub><sup></sup><strike></strike><span style="color: #351c75;"></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: #351c75;">For more
articles by Dr. Payam, please click on the following link: <a href="https://drpayam.com/articles_and_book">https://drpayam.com/articles_and_book</a></span></span></div>
<b></b><i></i><u></u><sub></sub><sup></sup><strike></strike><span style="color: #134f5c;"></span><span style="color: #351c75;"></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;"><a href="http://drpayam1.blogspot.com/2016/06/journey-toward-self-discovery.html"><img alt="http://drpayam1.blogspot.com/2016/06/journey-toward-self-discovery.html" border="0" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfhDnZmipZ3Xa0TQmgC6w31MWb33B3rp3-GDdgCrg2dTOjPC1JjZW0ip5pnOfJv81vSVq4qoW2-bpjOG7GVpu2t4jAsAWjlUmmiexv7FHRLcCjSLgCNVEZPBw94QTx2-7dP_oBVXW3JpnK/s400/lamp29.jpg" width="400" /></a></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;"><br /></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><span style="color: #002060; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;">
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;"><span style="color: black;">© Dr. Payam Ghassemlou MFT, Ph.D. is a counselor in private
practice in West Hollywood, California. </span><a href="http://www.drpayam.com/"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: black;">www.DrPayam.com</span></span></a></span></div>
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<span style="color: #351c75;"><br /></span></div>
</span><b></b><i></i><u></u><sub></sub><sup></sup><strike></strike>Payam Ghassemlou SEP, MFT, Ph.D.http://www.blogger.com/profile/10828432930898392801noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8257319369481949518.post-60358678796237371192016-06-22T22:43:00.007-07:002020-07-05T17:06:48.391-07:00Inspirational Images & Quotes by Payam Ghassemlou <div>
<h1 style="text-align: justify;"><font color="#0b8043"><b><br /></b></font></h1><h1><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"><font color="#0b8043" face="verdana"><b>For any writers, actors, musicians, painters, and other artistic
people, it takes a great deal of courage to reveal their creative work. It is incredibly
brave and can make one vulnerable. My
goal is to support all artists to put their
fears aside and share this valuable part of themselves.</b></font></span></h1><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<font color="#0b8043"><b><u><span style="color: #000120;"></span></u><u><span style="color: #000120;"></span></u></b></font></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div>
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#Psychotherapy</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdGLQ5j6crlaKDyyqn-l1D99QnBW2QZt6MlPADRo5tiCw9FrJ7MS220-QXd8idlGWzFYp2_Kuuy2FfBGfpjTajwRjVQKStdGRKeWo02ycZ5rHvv1iMbMQ84lMUxs4jmCwd_kcOXe1_N19x/s1600/Rock12aPsychotherapy.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="600" data-original-width="800" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdGLQ5j6crlaKDyyqn-l1D99QnBW2QZt6MlPADRo5tiCw9FrJ7MS220-QXd8idlGWzFYp2_Kuuy2FfBGfpjTajwRjVQKStdGRKeWo02ycZ5rHvv1iMbMQ84lMUxs4jmCwd_kcOXe1_N19x/s400/Rock12aPsychotherapy.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<a href="http://drpayam1.blogspot.com/"><img border="0" data-original-height="464" data-original-width="640" height="290" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfHnmGiyJwD0nqeKWm2DbjxzTYXTQu6VBv4k2lHuKNuaJlRRbbINTVHaMn-nRjJoV_pBotNnzwZVXVgUwm3O9wWaAfciOS0unq7q1CcdkWa9ampBNm2UbEZmFwxzk9kD_uZDxnQWCBozHC/s400/Earth+Day2Update4.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<a href="http://www.somaticaliveness.com/blog"><img alt="http://www.somaticaliveness.com/blog" border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="640" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOdRpGAXpPA2yRbLMZKFTG791XKSxg0Mk0z3aZKy-7vf7pZGvdpRCUoUotj-FGuuWSbp6zsBLRY4dO-KZ1nop6SMu2WMg5x7Y34g7Zd1Xq4ll10NYZzCYpgvPlYTxBqYJTERjlI_3ekIWb/s400/board2.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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#Heartbreak</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUNdzFvjhHzDq0n0A5EN_PeJk7pINrjRZDVFcszeJ3sc_VigZphWoHlKj5oGW423nMa5dZNkyQreG9Q0AHubwiOOd2pPm0x_eBKwdGdUOiSBwdOc-jSSmdPQMq3CAa2znm6ppESBsYQJXX/s1600/EarthSoul1.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="472" data-original-width="621" height="303" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUNdzFvjhHzDq0n0A5EN_PeJk7pINrjRZDVFcszeJ3sc_VigZphWoHlKj5oGW423nMa5dZNkyQreG9Q0AHubwiOOd2pPm0x_eBKwdGdUOiSBwdOc-jSSmdPQMq3CAa2znm6ppESBsYQJXX/s400/EarthSoul1.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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#Earth</div>
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<a href="http://www.somaticaliveness.com/blog"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="640" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJ5YVfJOTAhk7wETJFwS3UFrR-80a8K6CCHZd9LB3pPqUHvlwZVMiPOPe9qCVw1Wom7GZMGSPGuCS1o1WPaZ26kM_AcHtFo2tY0wQKy36kEDrrRgeld-2WMGbNEjXGOmuXUGeRYZk8dcTx/s400/Board3.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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#Vulnerability</div>
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#Movement</div>
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#Love</div>
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#COVID19<br />
<br />
#InnerWork<br />
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#DreamWork<br />
<br />
<br />
<span>There's still time to love the #Earth back to health.</span><br />
<b></b><i></i><u></u><sub></sub><sup></sup><strike></strike><br />
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#LGBTQ #GayPride</div>
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#Meditation<br />
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#Peace<br />
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#SomaticTherapy</div>
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#VagusNerve<br />
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#HappyEarthDay</div>
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<span style="color: blue;">"A pathway to #success is not a ladder to climb, but a circular journey toward the core of one's truth."</span></div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: red;">"Being #gay is not a choice. It's a gift. We unwrap this gift by #loving."</span><br />
<br />
#Peace<br />
<br />
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<br />
#Curiosity<br />
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<span style="color: blue;">We need to be #mindful of not getting caught up in social media “likes.”</span></div>
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#Earth</div>
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<span style="color: #3d85c6;">"The #world is a living #being, endowed with a #soul and #intelligence, in need of love."</span></div>
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<span style="color: #4c1130;">"The #choice to grow deeper is accessible to those who are willing to look into the mirror of #introspection."</span></div>
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<span style="color: red;">Lack of #Communication + Making Assumptions = #Conflict</span></div>
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<span style="color: black;">"Everyone's #pain is unique, and no one deserves to suffer in #silence. Reaching out and asking for help is a #courageous act that people can do in response to their #emotional pain."</span> </div>
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<span style="color: blue;">"#Awareness of our breathing is the most accessible #path to the present moment. Each breath combined with acceptance of our moment-to-moment experience can allow us to have #serenity."</span></div>
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#Light</div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: arial, sans-serif; margin: 0px;"><span style="color: red;">Failure
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Don't do the math!</div>
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<span style="font-family: calibri;">"A country that's safe for LGBTQ people is a country that's
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: #3d85c6; font-size: large;">For articles by Dr. Payam, please click on the following link: </span></span><br />
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Payam Ghassemlou SEP, MFT, Ph.D.http://www.blogger.com/profile/10828432930898392801noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8257319369481949518.post-86911557756480380672016-05-24T08:13:00.000-07:002019-10-20T19:32:00.691-07:00Gay EnlightenmentBy Payam Ghassemlou Ph.D.
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After the hard emotional labor of tearing down the closet door, the quest for enlightenment can begin on a deeper level. For gay people life after the closet can gain more meaning by walking on the path of enlightenment, which involves developing a relationship with the unconscious. Gay people have an advantage as far as enlightenment is concerned. Most gay people grow up feeling "different," and that differentness helps to not identify with the collective. As Eckhart Tolle, the author of The Power of Now, suggested, "...realization that you are different from others may force you to disidentify from socially conditioned patterns of thought and behavior. This will automatically raise your level of consciousness above that of the unconscious majority, whose members unquestioningly take on board all inherited patterns. In that respect, being gay can be a help. Being an outsider to some extent, someone who does not fit in with others or is rejected by them for whatever reason, makes life difficult, but it also places you at advantage as far as enlightenment is concerned."
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Depth psychology, which deals with making the unconscious conscious, offers valuable tools which can be useful on the path to enlightenment. In this article, I will share my knowledge and experience regarding encounters with the unconscious. Working with your unconscious is a powerful approach toward self-realization. Within our unconscious resides creative potential and answers to many of our life’s mysteries. Carl Jung, Swiss psychoanalyst, talked about unconscious as "the unknown in the inner world." This unknown place wants to reveal itself by "speaking to us in language of symbols." Images from the unconscious can manifest in our dreams, which provide windows to our unconscious. By analyzing our dream images, we can learn about the content of our unconscious. As one of Jalal-ud-Din Rumi's (1207-1273 A.D.) poems, translated by Coleman Barks, describes,</div>
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"Many wonders are manifest in sleep: in sleep the heart becomes a window. One that is awake and dreams beautiful dreams, he is the knower of God. Receive the dust of his eyes."
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The unconscious can also be accessed by bringing hidden images into consciousness. Working with these images psychologically can offer us valuable information about our psyche. For gay people who are seeking deeper understanding and connection to their gay essence, these images can be a doorway to powerful inner realizations about gayness. Furthermore, images from the unconscious can provide consciousness about internalized homophobia, which is the shame that gay and lesbian people were forced to experience growing up in anti-gay societies and homophobic families. Having a psyche contaminated by internalized homophobia can cause self-hatred, which can result in self-destructive behaviors. Working through internalized homophobia can protect gays and lesbians from reenacting their homophobic childhood.</div>
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Many gay men grow up in families in which their artistic interests were shamed, and they were forced to play sports to fulfill traditional male gender roles. As a result, their relationship to their imagination was severed. Encouraging gay men to participate in creative activities, which involve working psychologically with their imagination, can help them to redeem their creative world. The following is one of the exercises I have used with myself and others to evoke images from the unconscious and work with the imagination. This exercise has helped me and others to start the process of accessing unconscious materials around being gay. It is important to have the support of others during this process. According to Robert Johnson, the author of Inner Work, "Be sure that there is someone available for you to go or call in case you become overwhelmed by the imagination and can't cut it off." A counselor who has training in depth psychology, or the psychology of the unconscious, can be a helpful guide in this process.
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"Close your eyes and picture an image or symbol that symbolizes being gay for you." This is how I start the exercise. Do not worry if the symbol seems strange or does not have anything to do with being gay as you understand (intellectually) what being gay should be. Just let go of trying to control your imagination and let it offer you whatever it wants surrounding the topic. It's okay to have more than one image. Images come from your unconscious, and they do not lie or judge. "I am seeing a green jungle," said one of the participants in this exercise." “I am seeing a scared lonely boy," said another participant. "I can see rainbow," someone else said.
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I encourage maintaining an ongoing dialogue with the image that you discovered in relation to your gayness. Sometimes your image can evolve and give birth to new images. This dialoguing with your image is what Carl Jung described as active imagination. During this process, you can use pen and paper to record your dialogue with your image. By setting time aside and dialoguing with your image, you are developing a relationship with it. Also, you need to discover and understand feelings associated with your image. For example, if your psyche offered you an image of a lonely sad child as a symbol of gayness, you need to hear the little boy's story and find out what happened to him. He is your gay inner child, and he wants so desperately to tell you what he went through growing up in a heterosexist world in which his existence was denied. Try to understand his feelings and have empathy towards him. This way, you are less possessed by the effect of his sadness on your life and more in a position of helping him heal. Working psychologically with his painful feelings can transform those feelings and give birth to new feelings. Your inner child's healing can add vitality and meaning to your life. Many people, including gays and lesbians who are possessed by certain contents of their unconscious, do not understand why they feel and do things that they do. Only by conscious dialogue with different parts of yourself and understanding of your emotions can you come to new realizations around your feelings and actions. These new realizations are similar to the work of alchemists who were trying to make gold, or, in our case, consciousness.
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Another person who participated in this exercise reported an image of a green jungle in relation to his gayness. Llewellyn Vaughan-Lee, who writes and lectures about Sufism, has mentioned in many of his books green as the color of growth, becoming, and the realization of God. Green also is the color of Khidr, who is the archetype of the Sufi guide. In his book, The Call & The Echo, Vaughan-Lee stated, "Khidr, the Green Man, is an important Sufi figure who represents the direct revelation of Divine Truth." Divine revelation around our sexuality and gay identity happens to many of us by just becoming aware that we are different; that we love differently.</div>
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The image of the green jungle as a vision or association with gayness can symbolize the mysterious and unknown process of coming out. Coming out for many gays and lesbians feels like entering a lonely green jungle with no external support or guide. Our only guide is our longing for love and understanding. The flame of our passion for same-sex connection, like a burning torch, brings light to our journey. As a gay man who started exploring the green forest of his gayness many years ago, I recall that my only guide was my longing to find my soul figure. Despite all ugly things I was told about homosexuality, including the shame I was being made to feel for wanting to come out and family rejection around my gay identity, I kept venturing into this unknown forest. I was told that gay people will burn in hell, and yet I knew I had already experienced hell when I was in the closet, murdering my homoerotic feelings. Coming out, which has been essential part of my journey of self-realization, starts with a response to a call from within. This call is unique to gay and lesbian individuals. For me, this calling initially manifested as certain feelings of longing that I would experience in the presence of handsome men (my soul figures). The calling reminds me of one of Rumi's poems, translated by Coleman Barks:
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"You have been a prisoner of a little pond. I am the ocean with turbulent flood. Come merge with me..."
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In this poem, being prisoner of a little pond can serve as a metaphor of being stuck in the closet. There is an intense calling to dive into the ocean. The ocean is a metaphor for the unconscious in which homoerotic feelings reside and need to be made conscious. Understanding these homoerotic feelings as a longing for a union with the Beloved has helped me to honor them as part of my journey of self-realization. By diving into the ocean of my unconscious, I have been doing the inner work of redeeming the pearl of my gay essence.</div>
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Not every gay person survives the journey of coming out. Many get lost in the dark green forest and never make it to the other side. The demon of homophobia, in the form of depression, addictions, gay bashing, or suicide, is waiting to violently attack our people and turn the journey of coming out into a journey of going out of existence.
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Those of us who have survived despite ongoing homophobic assaults need to take this journey to a different level and discover the gift of our gayness. By going to the underground of our unconscious, we can discover the gift of our gayness and offer that gift to our troubled planet. Again, you need to find a guide or consult with someone who is trained in depth psychology before undertaking this work. As Rumi writes:
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"O seeker without the shadow of a pir (teacher) the clamor of the beast will torment you."
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Hafiz also emphasizes the need for a guide in the following poem:
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"Do not take a step on the path of love without a guide. I have tried it one hundred times and failed."
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After you have dialogued with your image and experienced its feeling, you need to bring your image to life. What can you do to give it a physical reality? You can write about your image, draw it, paint it, sculpt it, find sand and form the image in a sand tray (sand-tray therapy), or use dance and body movement to keep it alive. You can even make it into a musical note. Giving your image a physical form will help to make it a conscious part of you. Images carry their own energy and ‘feeling tone’ that can affect your life. Having a conscious relationship with your images and bringing them to life can liberate you from their possession and control. It is important not to manipulate the process of working with your unconscious for the sake of your ego gratification. This work should be done with great deal of humility in order to avoid inflation. Hopefully, by doing this work, we can, as Carl Jung states, "kindle a light in the darkness of mere being."</div>
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As you go through your day-to-day activities, pay attention to external situations that might shed some light on your understanding of your image. A synchronistic event can link your image to an outer event. For example, the person who was working with the image of a lonely sad child reported later coming across books and articles that helped him to understand this image.
Finally, by cultivating an ongoing relationship with your unconscious by understanding your dreams and images, you can promote psychic wholeness. Your imagination can be the arena in which dialogue between your conscious and unconscious takes place. This dialogue can reduce the conflict between the conscious and unconscious and create a partnership between them.</div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">For more
articles by Dr. Payam, please click on the following link:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><a href="https://drpayam.com/articles_and_book">https://drpayam.com/articles_and_book</a></span><br />
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#OUT #ComingOut #Psychotherapy</div>
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© Dr. Payam Ghassemlou MFT, Ph.D. is a counselor in private practice in West Hollywood, California.
www.DrPayam.com
Payam Ghassemlou SEP, MFT, Ph.D.http://www.blogger.com/profile/10828432930898392801noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8257319369481949518.post-25438201437498878002016-05-23T22:07:00.014-07:002022-06-25T21:34:01.485-07:00Vulnerability<div style="text-align: justify;"><b style="background-color: #fff9ee; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, "Palatino Linotype", Palatino, serif; font-size: 15.4px; text-align: center;"><span face="calibri, "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt;"><span style="color: red;">For an updated version of this article, please click on the link below:</span></span></b><br />
<br /><span style="color: #2b00fe;"><a href="https://drpayam1.blogspot.com/2022/06/a-queer-perspective-on-somatically.html">https://drpayam1.blogspot.com/2022/06/a-queer-perspective-on-somatically.html</a></span><br />
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© Dr.
Payam Ghassemlou MFT, Ph.D. is a mental health counselor in private practice in
West Hollywood, California. www.DrPayam.com</div>
<b></b><i></i><u></u><sub></sub><sup></sup><strike></strike><br />Payam Ghassemlou SEP, MFT, Ph.D.http://www.blogger.com/profile/10828432930898392801noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8257319369481949518.post-74318543544111478932016-04-12T21:35:00.000-07:002019-07-14T13:19:36.208-07:00Vortex of Love <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #2f5597; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;">When I notice my
small house plant by the window, I see a love affair between the plant and the
sunlight. </span></span><span style="color: #2f5597; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;">This connection gives rise to the plant’s movement toward the
light, and the sun validates this movement by pouring light on the plant. It is
as if the plant is saying to the sun “I love you, and I need you,” and the sun
keeps giving. In the words of the Sufi poet Hafiz, the sun never tells the
plant “you owe me”. Such a love affair “lights the whole sky”.</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2f5597; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Just as my house plant spontaneously moves toward the sunlight,
there is in each of us a natural impulse for moving toward wholeness both
individually and collectively. This striving toward wholeness can lead to
embracing oneness of our humanity. </span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2f5597; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">As my Somatic Experiencing® studies progress, I become more
convinced that this movement toward wholeness and embracing oneness needs to
involve working with our collective nervous system. We all have an autonomic
nervous system that given proper care can shift toward a social engagement
system. This engagement can be infused with kindness when we focus on our
loving resources in life and the bodily sensations that accompany it. Through
somatic awareness, we can notice the sensation of love in our hearts and let it
intoxicate our nervous system. From this grounded emotional base, we can
lovingly impact our social engagement system. </span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2f5597; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">When we become a kind and supportive resource for each other, on a
collective level, we are letting the sensation of love, like a thread, weave
our nervous system together. This is how humanity can embrace oneness not just
as a beautiful concept but as a lived experience. By tracking the sensation of
love, we are imprinting our nervous system with the power of love. We are
teaching our nervous system to shift away from greed and competition and stay
with the desire to cooperate and connect. The world in its current state needs
more love. With one nervous system at a time, we can learn to release the
effect of our unresolved trauma which often blocks our movement toward
wholeness and redeem our aliveness. Increased somatic awareness of aliveness
can help people not to stay frozen in oppressive political circumstances and
march toward liberation.</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2f5597; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">For many, the journey toward wholeness can be in a circular motion.
When I recall supportive resources in my life, I often notice a warm pleasant
sensation circling around my heart, and one of my hands spontaneously moving in
a circular motion above my chest and getting closer to my heart. When I slow
down the movement, it is like entering a warm life-affirming vortex of love
which is opposite to the vortex of <a href="http://drpayam1.blogspot.com/2011/01/lgbt-suicide-and-trauma-of-growing-up.html">trauma</a>. The image that arises spontaneously
is a whirling dervish dancing in ecstasy and merging with the Beloved. As
I notice the sensation, I can go deeper and deeper into the vortex of love and
move toward homeostasis of oneness with humanity. This is what the wisdom of
the body can do for us, and this is how in the words of Rumi, we can "find a voice that does not use words."</span></span><br />
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articles by Dr. Payam, please click on the following link:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><a href="https://drpayam.com/articles_and_book">https://drpayam.com/articles_and_book</a></span></span></span><br /></div>
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<span style="color: #2f5597; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">©<a href="http://www.drpayam.com/about_dr_payam"> Payam Ghassemlou</a>, Ph.D., is a SE student and
a psychotherapist (licensed marriage and family therapist) in private
practice in West Hollywood, California. <a href="http://www.drpayam.com/">www.DrPayam.com</a></span></span><span style="color: #0b5394;"><span style="line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;"><br /></span></span></div>
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Payam Ghassemlou SEP, MFT, Ph.D.http://www.blogger.com/profile/10828432930898392801noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8257319369481949518.post-56679399303291772962016-01-01T22:56:00.000-08:002019-07-14T13:20:02.076-07:00Queers in Search of Refuge<br />
<div align="center" style="margin: 0px 0px 11px; text-align: center;">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://drpayam1.blogspot.com/2016/12/queers-in-search-of-refuge_84.html"><img alt="http://drpayam1.blogspot.com/2016/12/queers-in-search-of-refuge_84.html" border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIeiHoIx_EzpxBNXwFEPwon2ALcdK3ajusAb_aPmg7CwickQuuF8SrnQk8k295mN3LMBTx6GGBe-TJieHHY_RMEo4h_1j-VybfQe_uAGcwmeMlBtDdRDgmdXSXOIqVuOL_-8FZ82fwhNwF/s320/lamp21.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
</div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;">In
the dark corners of this planet, there are places that innocent people get
executed for their same sex attraction or living the life that matches their
true gender identity. There are many of us who managed to escape from such terrifying
places. As LGBTQ people wander on a long journey in search of a refuge, many have
found the United States as the answer to freedom. This country gave us a chance
to live life with dignity along with the hope for a brighter future. The
freedom to marry the person we love which became possible during the Obama administration
gave many of us the chance to form families. Perhaps gay Americans who left their
small towns for a more tolerant metropolitan city might relate to an immigrant
who left his or her country for a freer society. It is possible we are more
similar than different.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 11px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;">Those
of us who found America a safe place for asylum are now starting to feel unsafe
again. <span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>The rise of xenophobia and the threat
of losing hard-fought LGBTQ rights are now becoming a new source of concern. Growing
acts of violence toward LGBTQ people and immigrants in general have been
reported in many parts of the country. LGBTQ refugees and immigrants who have a
history of trauma are more vulnerable to anxiety and <a href="http://drpayam1.blogspot.com/2012/03/dealing-with-depression.html">depression</a> when they
experience mistreatment due to <a href="http://drpayam1.blogspot.com/2011/01/lgbt-suicide-and-trauma-of-growing-up.html">homophobia</a> or xenophobia. Protecting such a vulnerable
population from violence is important. They have unique psychological needs, and
they are dealing with the added complexity of being a minority within a minority.
</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 11px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;">Given
many refugees have lived under authoritarian regimes before coming to America, they
are often familiar with how these oppressive regimes operate. I am familiar
with them as well. Such regimes often come to power without the support of most
people or through lies and offering empty promises. Once in power, oppressive
regimes tend to manufacture a national security crisis by starting a war or
creating hysteria about a terrorist attack, which throws people into a frenzy.
People tend to rally around whoever is in power during a national security
crisis, and this is how oppressive regimes can gain legitimacy. These
manufactured situations give them excuses to oppress their opponents and even
try to “lock her up” for unsubstantiated claims. To maintain power, some authoritarian
regimes use military force to stop people protesting. Finally, by mindless reality
TV shows and shallow news programs, they can keep people unaware and distracted
from what is really happening to their country.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 11px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;">Undemocratic
regimes extend beyond external oppression and continue into our inner world,
eating away our human spirit. The creation of a culture of unconsciousness
causes many people to be cut off from their soul and their connection to the
inner world. People enter a state of participation mystique and lose their
sense of individual self. Authoritarian regimes take secret delight in knowing
that most people are sleeping walking through their political destiny and don’t
know what is really happening to them.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 11px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;">Many
psycho-spiritually aware people know that authoritarian dark forces aim to
spread hatred and prejudice by absorbing the light of our democracy. We can
turn to our own individual light of consciousness and witness what is happening.
Within our heart of hearts, there is a sacred place that dictators cannot
touch. Our activism starts by journeying into that sacred space. We go deeper
and deeper into the heart and embrace love. The love for America coupled with
our passion to care for Mother Earth vibrates above the forces of archetypal
evil. We don’t clash with darkness. We simply let the power of <a href="http://drpayam1.blogspot.com/2011/12/deeply-gay.html">love</a> rise us
above it. We broaden our focus beyond the unjust political situations by
embracing what is sacred in the inner world and honor its reflection on the
outer world. Through our experience of the numinous, we can create a container
for arrival of a new archetypal energy that can change the world for the
better. This is how we become spiritual warriors. This is how we don’t get
entangled in “good versus evil.” <span style="margin: 0px;"> </span></span><br />
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">Many foreign-born LGBTQ people who live
in America as an immigrants or refugees know that there is a <a href="http://drpayam1.blogspot.com/2016/07/gays-in-search-of-meaning_94.html">deeper purpose</a> for
our existence. Some of us are summoned to keep America accountable to its
promise of liberty by pointing out that the emperor is in fact naked whenever America
begins to abandon its true values. Not only as Americans but as citizens of the
<a href="http://drpayam1.blogspot.com/2013/11/a-brief-reflection-on-climate-change.html">planet Earth</a> we can come together and protect one another during the rise of
archetypal evil. </span><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">Not
only America, but this whole world is a living being, endowed with a soul
(Anima Mundi) and intelligence, in need of love. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">
</span>
<br />
<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;"><br /></span></div>
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<div style="margin: 0px 0px 11px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;">Finally,
as LGBTQ people, our next journey of immigration needs to happen on the inner
plane. We can resort to our psychic refuge by walking through our inner
labyrinth and access inner light of consciousness to stay present. Such inner
journey is open to everyone, regardless of one’s nationality, who is seeking
refuge during such uncertain times in America. </span></div>
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<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ePIhILkRCq8/WFYtqmtU0JI/AAAAAAAAHIM/6dvV7cfFnc0xF_PvtIoXRPJ5hM2xjkWRQCEw/s1600/labyrinth2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a>
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<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">For more
articles by Dr. Payam, please click on the following link:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><a href="https://drpayam.com/articles_and_book">https://drpayam.com/articles_and_book</a></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;"><a href="http://www.drpayam.com/">© PayamGhassemlou</a> MFT Ph.D. is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist
(Psychotherapist) in private practice in West Hollywood, California.
<a href="http://www.drpayam.com/">www.DrPayam.Com</a></span></div>
<b></b><i></i><u></u><sub></sub><sup></sup><strike></strike><br />Payam Ghassemlou SEP, MFT, Ph.D.http://www.blogger.com/profile/10828432930898392801noreply@blogger.com2