The Balancing Act of Sexual Desire
By
Payam Ghassemlou Ph.D.
Given
many gay men have received negative messages about their sexual desire growing
up, addressing the issue of sexual compulsion needs to be done delicately and carefully
without reinforcing shame or internalized homophobia. There is a developing need
to address the issue of sexual compulsion, and helping people to fulfil their sexual
desire in concert with consciousness and balance. Denying and repressing sexual
desire is not a helpful way to cope with any sexually related issue. The
balancing act of sexual desire involves expressing your sexuality in a way that
does not leave you feeling empty and destitute.
When
sexual gratification becomes your exaggerated area of focus, you can become a slave
of sexual desire. When your relationship to sex is dominated by an endless
desire for hooking up without any regard for how it can affect you and others, you
are not in control. Such loss of control can have damaging life consequences
which include contracting a sexually transmitted illness, damaging one’s
relationships, jeopardizing one’s career, legal problems, and loss of
self-respect. Being in denial about your relationship to sex can make it
difficult to seek help. Bringing consciousness to your choices about sex can
lead to healthy sexuality.
An
important step toward liberating yourself from the bondage of any damaging
behaviors is by focusing on growing bigger than the problem. As Carl Jung
stated, “We don’t solve our problems, we outgrow them.” You can do this by focusing on personal growth
and expanding your consciousness. There are many paths you can take to evolve
beyond your problems and psychotherapy is one of them. Psychotherapy might be
what you need to bring a balancing act in your relationship to your sexual
expression. It takes courage to face life challenges including addictive behaviors
of any sort and cultivate new coping skills. In addition to counseling, there
are many community based groups including SCA (Sexually Compulsive Anonymous) that
can support you on your journey toward recovering from sexual choices that make
you feel bad about yourself.
Sex
fulfills different functions for different people. You might turn to sex to
numb yourself from painful emotions. Substituting sex for dealing with life problems
is not going to make those problems go away. No one said life was going to be
easy and free from difficulties. You can learn to face life and expand your “window
of tolerance” when it comes to feeling your feelings. The life damaging
consequences of any addiction is far more painful than embracing your uncomfortable
emotions. It takes psychological and spiritual labor to develop a conscious
relationship to your erotic desires and how to go about expressing them.
When
you prioritize sex as your most important need and pursue it in an excessive
amount, it can indicate that you don’t have something more purposeful in life
to focus on. When you began to give up your pathological relationship to sex,
you need something better in its place to enrich your life. Giving up anything
life damaging and time consuming provides you with free time to pursue
something worthier. By embracing your feeling of curiosity, you can explore new
activities and life purpose and add more meaning to your life. With the support
of counseling, community based support groups, and your own will power, you can
focus on something bigger and more meaningful in life than being preoccupied
with sex.
For more
articles by Dr. Payam, please click on the following link: https://drpayam.com/articles_and_book
© PayamGhassemlou MFT Ph.D. is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist
(Psychotherapist) in private practice in West Hollywood, California.
www.DrPayam.Com
No comments:
Post a Comment