By
Many
people carry invisible wounds that, when untreated, can impact the quality of
their lives. Invisible wounds are often the result of betrayal, abandonment, neglect,
and trauma that many people go through. This is different from usual
disappointments when life doesn’t go our way or when dealing with the general
stressors of life. Invisible wounds often come from victimizing life experiences
or painful losses. They can result from the loss of important relationships or situations
that fall outside of the acceptable norm of how a human being deserves to be
treated. Being a victim of a crime, rape, incest, loss of a loved one, being
bullied, domestic violence, painful break ups, extreme financial problems, political
oppression, war, and devastations from climate change are examples of
situations that can leave invisible emotional scars on people’s psyche.
People
who are carrying invisible wounds might complain about one or more of the
following: isolation, unhappiness, not feeling motivated, insecurities, low
energy, disorganization, frustration, lack of interest in most things, irritation,
sleeping disorders, feelings of emptiness, fear, panic, rage, and suicidal
thoughts. These are often symptoms of untreated emotional wounds.
Numbing
is often how people escape the pain of their invisible wounds. Distraction from
emotional pain through numbing one’s self does not help with the healing of
invisible wounds. Numbing can include being a workaholic, over eating,
alcoholism, using illegal drugs, compulsive sex, watching too much pornography,
overspending, and gambling. These unhealthy behaviors that many people use to
numb themselves become additional wounds. The vicious cycle of having unhealed
wounds and using unhealthy coping mechanisms to deal with one’s wounds cause
more suffering and probability of more acting out behaviors to cope. This cycle
is the enemy, and the way out is to go within.
Having
invisible wounds can impact how people value themselves and affect their
self-esteem. In the shadow of low self esteem, people can make negative life
choices and refrain from living a productive life. Just like an untreated physical
scar can turn into a serious infection, an untreated psychological wound can
also create a painful mess in people’s lives. Ignoring one’s pain is never a
good idea. Working on issues that has left painful traces is essential and can
lead to a better life.
Everyone’s
pain is unique, and no one deserves to suffer in silence. Reaching out and
asking for help is a courageous act that people can do in response to their emotional
pain. Often, invisible wounds can become conscious by paying attention to our
painful feelings and our dark thoughts. By going within and feeling our
feelings, we can get to the center of our wounds. Once there, we need a caring
listener to hear the story behind the wound and provide us empathy. Being heard
and receiving empathy is an important part of the healing process. Having
support in understanding our emotional pain is important too.
We
can also turn to a journal and write about our pain. Writing about our painful
experiences and making emotional discoveries about them is a powerful healing tool.
This work needs to be done in the context of psychotherapy and with the support
of a trained mental health therapist. Counseling can help people learn how to
contain and work with their raw emotions in order to avoid getting overwhelmed
by them. It helps people transform these intense emotions to new emotions that are
not associated with their unresolved issues and wounds. Counseling can also lead
to a more rational thought pattern and change dysfunctional thinking.
People
who I have helped grow and heal from their invisible wounds, often share with
me a renewed sense of self and feelings of aliveness. Participating in counseling with a seasoned licensed
mental health professional that you feel comfortable with can be a good start
for your healing process.
For more
articles by Dr. Payam, please click on the following link: https://drpayam.com/articles_and_book
© Dr. Payam Ghassemlou MFT, Ph.D. is a Licensed Marriage and
Family Therapist (Psychotherapist), in private practice in West Hollywood,
California. www.DrPayam.com
He is the author of Fruit Basket: A Gay Man’s Journey. In his
book, Dr. Payam Ghassemlou writes about the psycho-spiritual journey of a gay
man named Javid, in which he struggles with homophobia and having a life
purpose. Available on Amazon
